Page 6

Story: Leave

Chapter 6

Nolan

The flight from Naha to Tokyo was only about two and a half hours. Not bad. Then we had to walk a few million miles through Narita International, which was freaking huge, before we got to our next gate. Since we both preferred to have ridiculously long layovers instead of sprinting between flights, we still had two hours before we even boarded. We found a small ramen place and settled in for a light lunch; might as well enjoy some good Japanese food before we were stateside for a couple of weeks.

While we’d waited for our flight out of Naha, Riley had been agitated and fidgety. He’d insisted he wasn’t a nervous flyer—hell, he’d voluntarily gone skydiving one time—so I’d chalked it up to worrying about making our connection. With as huge as Narita was, and since we were going from a domestic to an international flight, maybe he was worried that if our flight was late, even our long layover wouldn’t be enough.

Our flight had ended up being a little early, and we’d made it here with plenty of time.

He was still wound up, though, his eyes distant as he picked at his ramen.

“Hey,” I said. “You good?”

He glanced at me, then dropped his gaze to his food and shifted in his seat. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m…” He dragged the ceramic spoon through the ramen, then sighed and put it down. Sitting back, he said, “I’m having some second thoughts.”

I froze. “Second—like about this trip?” Oh, fuck. I was going to the wedding and all the family stuff alone after all, wasn’t I? I’d kept myself calm about it for all these months because I knew Riley would be there with me, but now he was—

“About going to California.” He nudged the bowl away. “About this whole plan of trying to get my parents to see…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. It was stupid from the start.”

“Oh.”

Riley met my gaze, and understanding seemed to dawn. “I’m still in to go to Seattle.” He waved a hand. “Don’t worry about that.”

Well, that was a relief.

“But your family—you don’t want to go?”

“Not really. I need to. I can’t just avoid it forever.” He swallowed hard. “The thing is, if this doesn’t work, then I really don’t have any other ideas. This is my Hail Mary. Because if they can’t get it through their heads after I’ve brought a boyfriend home, then…” He shrugged. “What else can I do?”

“Shit,” I whispered. “That’s rough.”

He grunted in acknowledgment.

I ate a little of my ramen, then asked, “What exactly is their issue, anyway? Like is it a religious thing, or what?”

That prompted a bitter laugh. “Hell if I know.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.” He sat up a little and absently poked at some noodles with his spoon. “I’ve never gotten a straight answer out of them about why my sexuality bothers them, or where it comes from. We always went to a fairly progressive church—they still do—and my dad’s gone there since he was a kid. So that’s not where they picked it up. I mean, shit, that church has had same-sex weddings. They’re not one of those churches that turns parents into their queer kid’s worst enemy.”

“Wow. So they go to a church that accepts people like us, but they can’t?”

“Basically.” He managed to eat another bite of ramen, though it seemed to take some effort. “And like, they’re not outwardly hateful, you know? They’re not nasty and evil.”

“But they still don’t like it.”

“No, they do not.”

I studied him, wondering how much to tug at this thread. Maybe he needed to talk it out. Hell, maybe I needed to get a better bead on what I was walking into. “When you came out, how did you think they’d react?”

“Honestly?” He shrugged. “I thought they’d be chill about it. Like I didn’t think they’d be excited and throwing confetti because they had a gay son, but I figured they’d… you know… accept it.”

“And they didn’t.”

“Nope. But like, they didn’t yell at me or cuss me out or anything. They didn’t even seem mad. They just…” He pursed his lips. “The way they reacted, it was what I would’ve expected if I’d brought home a biker chick who was ten years older than me, told them I was getting married after two weeks, and showed them my new tattoo. More like, ‘son, are you sure this what you want to do with your life? Have you really thought this through?’”

“So, not the worst way they could’ve reacted, but still not what you were hoping for.”

“Pretty much. And I figured, okay, they’re not thrilled, but they’re not kicking me out, so that’s good.” He seemed lost in thought for a moment before he continued. “I also figured they’d get used to the idea, you know? Like eventually it would just be, ‘oh, right, Riley’s gay.’” He laughed bitterly. “I’m so fucking stupid, though. I mean, last time I was in town, my mom told me one of her friends at church had a daughter who’d just come back from studying abroad, and we’d be a great match.”

I blinked. “She… seriously? Like, unironically?”

“Unironically.” Riley picked at his ramen some more. “I had to really gently explain to her for like the fiftieth time that I didn’t want to date a woman. I wasn’t gay because I hadn’t met the right woman—I was gay because I like men.”

“So they’re in denial over it.”

“Pretty much, yeah. And it’s fucking exhausting. I’ve been out since I was sixteen. That’s half my goddamned life.” He shook his head. “I’m just done, you know?”

“I don’t blame you.” I paused. “And that’s why I’m here. So they see you with a man and get it through their heads.”

“That’s the plan. Don’t know if it’ll work, but… that’s the plan.”

“Wow. What about the rest of your family? You have a brother, right?”

Riley nodded. “He’s cool with me. He won’t back me up against our folks, though. He doesn’t want to get in the middle of it.”

“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered.

“I know, right?” He rolled his eyes. “We used to be a lot closer. This put a strain on things.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

“No kidding. As for the rest of the family, I couldn’t tell you how any of my grandparents felt about it,” Riley went on. “My parents ordered me not to come out to them when I was a teenager, and then they begged me not to when I threatened to as an adult.”

“Did they think your grandparents would react badly?”

“I couldn’t tell you. I thought so when I was a teenager, but more and more, I have to wonder if they were just embarrassed.” He paused, then shook his head. “I don’t know. By the time I was getting into my thirties and decided I could come out to whoever I wanted to, my only living grandparent was pretty deep into dementia.”

“Shit,” I said with a grimace. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah. Grandpa’s still alive, but I’ve been asked not to visit him when I’m home.”

“You—really? Because you’re gay?”

“No,” he whispered. “Because he’s so confused and out of it these days, he barely recognizes people. I don’t look anything like I did last time he saw me, so it would just confuse him and upset him, you know?” He swallowed. “It sucks, but I don’t want him to be upset.”

“Oh. Yeah. I can see that.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’ll never know how any of them would have reacted to my sexuality had they known. I don’t know if they taught my parents to be this way. I just… I don’t know.”

I nodded. “And now you’re not sure if this plan will work?”

“No. Though the more I think about it…” His shoulders dropped. “I don’t know. They act like they’re just confused and concerned, but at the end of the day… they don’t like what I am.”

“What we are, you mean?”

He seemed to consider that, then shook his head. “Me more than anything. Us, as in a couple, sure. But I don’t think they really care about other people being gay. Just… me.”

“So they’re not across-the-board homophobic—they just don’t want a gay son?”

Riley quirked his lips. “I think? I… I honestly don’t know. Like if they were really homophobic, would they keep going to a church where same-sex couples have gotten married?”

“Fair point.” I poked at my own ramen. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Just so we’re clear.”

“No, I do,” he whispered. “I need to. I’m just scared of how it’s going to turn out. And I kind of…” He chewed his lip.

I watched him, not sure if I should press.

Dropping his gaze into his mostly abandoned ramen, he said, “What if I’m overreacting?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, they love me.” He swallowed hard before meeting my eyes again. “I know they do. They’re proud of me. They support me. It’s just this one thing, and they’re just… like I’ve met people who’ve been abused for being gay. This is just my mom basically wrinkling her nose and asking, ‘Are you, though? Are you really?’ every time I mention it.”

I scowled. “Fuck that.”

Riley’s eyebrows rose.

“I wouldn’t want to put up with that shit. Just because they’re not screaming at you or calling you slurs doesn’t mean they’re not mistreating you.”

“Still. Like, in my job—I see people who are really abused all the time. Domestics and all that. And it—”

“And is a spouse who’s been screamed at and called every name in the book not abused because someone else put their partner in the hospital?”

Riley’s teeth snapped shut.

“If you don’t like the way someone is treating you,” I went on, “you don’t have to stick around and put up with it. Not even if they’re your family.”

He exhaled, but didn’t speak.

I shifted in my chair and folded my arms behind my ramen bowl. “You know, back on Iwakuni, I knew this guy who married a Japanese woman. His family wasn’t—like, they were generally ‘nice’ to her, I guess? But they kind of treated her like an exotic pet.”

Riley made a face. “Oh God. One of those families?”

“Yep. And he told me once that they acted like they were just humoring him until he came to his senses.”

That got Riley’s attention, and he sat up a little. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm. He’d always thought his family was a little ignorant about other cultures, but it wasn’t until he brought his wife home that he figured out they were deeply racist. They’d just tuck it into ‘innocently’ ignorant comments.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “That’s… That’s exactly what it feels like. I… shit. Yeah.” He furrowed his brow. “So what did he do after he figured it out? That his folks were racist?”

“It isn’t what he did,” I said. “It’s what she did. It took exactly one ignorant remark about their baby while she was pregnant, and Hikari to put her foot down. She told him she would not tolerate them anymore, and she demanded he take her home immediately .”

Riley thumped the edge of the table with his knuckle. “Good for her.”

“Right? The best part is, her mother-in-law looked at him and said, ‘Wow, I always thought women in their culture were taught to never be rude. Apparently not.’”

“No way. She said that?”

“Yep. They left the house and never looked back. I think they’re in Yokosuka now with a third kid on the way. Very happily no-contact with his family.”

Riley blew out a breath. “That still must’ve been hard.”

“Of course it was. But the thing is, his family—the way they acted sounds a lot like the way yours does. And sometimes that kind of treatment is the most insidious. You tell people about it, and they’re like, ‘Okay, but they haven’t hurt you.’” I inclined my head. “Except, we wouldn’t be doing this if they hadn’t. Right?”

His jaw worked as he avoided my eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s…” Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s exactly it. They always act ‘nice’ even when they’re saying shit like that, but at the end of the day, when I’m around them and this subject comes up, I feel like…” He paused, and his voice tried to crack as he said, “I don’t feel like their son.”

Fuck, that was a gut punch.

“Then I think you’re doing the right thing,” I said. “Give them a chance. And if they don’t take it…” I gestured like I was shooing something away. “Be done with it. Don’t keep beating your head against it.”

He watched me for a moment. “So you don’t think I’d be overreacting if I cut them off?”

“After spending half your life putting up with that shit?” I scoffed. “Hardly. And I wouldn’t even give them the ultimatum. We show up, we introduce ourselves as a couple, and if they’re still assholes about it when there’s no denying that you’re really gay—bail.”

Riley rolled his shoulders. “Why does it feel like that’ll be easier said than done?”

“Probably because it will be.”

“Great.” He tilted his head to one side, then the other, as if to work out some stiffness in his neck. “Okay. Okay, that’s the plan, then.” He picked up his spoon again. “Something to give myself indigestion over on the flight.”

“Nah. It’s an international flight.” I grinned. “Free booze!”

Riley’s laugh was gorgeous, and it was also a relief. “Free booze sounds good to me.”

We both chuckled and continued eating.

And free booze or not, I’d probably spend the whole flight worrying too.