Page 32

Chapter 32

Nolan

The instances when Leann had assaulted me had left me feeling humiliated and exposed. That conversation with my family brought all those feelings back with a vengeance. Some part of me had thought it might be cathartic, finally getting it out there and telling everyone this ugly secret I’d been carrying.

In some ways, it was.

In others…

Fucking hell. Watching my mother’s face while I spelled out what happened to me. Watching everyone else in the room wondering who to believe. The anger, hatred, and betrayal in my older brother’s eyes. The utterly shell-shocked expressions on the faces of the bride and groom as they absorbed what had happened and realized their wedding had been ruined.

The icing on that bullshit cake was explaining why Leann still called me Gumby. Ugh. That alone had me even sicker than I’d been earlier. As if struggling to get it up hadn’t been humiliating enough in an already soul-crushing moment, I’d told…

God, I’d told my parents . My brothers. Everyone in that room.

Now I was outside, trying to clear my head and get some air while we all decompressed. I didn’t know what was going to happen after this. I had no idea how much of my family I’d still have. Andrew hated me now. Did Matt? Because I couldn’t really blame him if he did.

I never should’ve agreed to be his best man.

I pressed my hands onto the back deck’s railing and stared out at the yard. I couldn’t see much this time of night—the porch light was off, and only the glow from the kitchen made it through the window, picking out a few tree branches and the suggestion of Dad’s riding lawnmower.

Distantly, I could still hear voices in the house. No one was shouting now. They were quiet enough I couldn’t pick out who was talking, what they were saying, or even their tone. I could guess some of it, though. I doubted anyone was talking about the Breakers or the Seahawks.

Exhaling into the cool air, I let my head fall forward.

So… my secret was out. Over and over, I tried to get my head around the fact that one brother hated me. That the other probably didn’t think too highly of me, either, given that I’d blown a big crater in his wedding. I couldn’t begin to guess what my parents were thinking.

My family would never be the same after today, and it was my fault.

I never should’ve said yes.

I never should’ve come here.

I never should’ve left Okinawa.

I’d left my family and my hometown for a reason, and I should’ve stayed gone. At least then I’d be the only one hurting over what Leann had done.

The back door squeaked on its hinges and I closed my eyes. I wanted to be alone, but Riley was an exception. As terrified as I was that he would eventually get tired of all this, I wouldn’t say no to his shoulder right then.

“You all right?”

Not Riley—Matt.

I opened my eyes and faced him in the low light. He watched me with shell-shocked eyes; I didn’t think I’d ever seen my little brother more exhausted or confused in my life.

I didn’t know what to say, or what he’d come out here to say, so I just croaked, “I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, he dropped his gaze, and he worked his jaw as he nudged some chipping paint on the railing with his thumbnail. “You didn’t do anything.”

“My timing could’ve used some work.”

Again, he shook his head, and this time, he finally met my gaze. In that moment, he looked twenty years older, not three years younger than me. “There’s something I want to know.”

I wasn’t sure I had it in me to pull open any more wounds, but he of all people deserved answers tonight, so I moistened my parched lips and nodded. “Okay.”

He leaned his hip on the railing and took a deep breath. “Is this why you were weird at my bachelor party?”

I winced as the memory made my skin crawl.

“It is, isn’t it?” he whispered. “When we bought you the lap dance? I… Jesus, I just thought it was because you aren’t into girls, but…”

“No, it wasn’t that,” I rasped. “I just can’t handle having someone… I can’t do lap dances. With men or women.”

“Holy shit.” He raked a hand through his hair. “God, Nolan. We just thought it would be funny, because…” He dropped his hand to his side with a heavy smack. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known…”

“You didn’t know.” I studied him. “But… does this mean… Do you believe me?”

“Yeah.” He gave a sharp nod, then a firmer, “Yeah, I do.” Pushing out a long breath, he sagged harder against the railing. “I don’t want to believe it because I don’t want to believe… I mean, fuck. I don’t want to believe someone would do that to my brother. I don’t want to believe my sister-in-law is evil .”

My chest tightened and I stared out at the yard again. His fiancée had said as much. I hated that they had to wrestle with this now; it was hard enough for me to believe it sometimes. I wanted to believe it was just a nightmare that felt more real than it should have. Could I really blame my family for struggling with it now?

After a moment, Matt said, “Riley knew, didn’t he?”

The lump in my throat caught me by surprise, and I had to fight to speak around it. “He knows now, yeah.”

“He does now?” My brother furrowed his brow. “So he didn’t know before?”

I shook my head. “I told him after Sophia’s bachelorette.”

Though I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel him staring at me. The incredulity came off him in waves.

“Her bachelorette was after my bachelor party,” he said quietly.

“I know.”

“So… that night. He didn’t actually know why you didn’t want the lap dance?”

“No. He clocked that I was uncomfortable, so he stepped in. But at the time—no, he didn’t know why.”

Matt whistled low, and I turned to him, brow furrowed. He must’ve seen the confusion in my eyes, because he said, “He’s good for you. That’s all.”

“He is. Honestly, I think he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

That brought a melancholy smile out of Matt. “You think he’s the best thing?” He playfully punched my arm. “Of course he is.”

“Yeah. He is. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through any of this without him.”

“I’m glad you have him.” He smirked. “Don’t be stupid and let him go, all right?”

I laughed softly. “I won’t. Believe me, I won’t.” I paused. “And… I’m sorry about tonight.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I wasn’t—the last thing I wanted to do was ruin your wedding.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.”

I turned to him, eyebrows up.

My brother huffed and rolled his eyes. “ You didn’t ruin anything . I mean, I should’ve known something was up at the bachelor party. And the way she kept fucking up during the rehearsal—that was a big red flag. I’m… Fuck, man. Honestly, I’m amazed you made it this far without saying something.”

“What could I say?” I swallowed the acid trying to climb the back of my throat. “I thought about it—a lot—but… I mean, it’s like Riley said. Women have a hard enough time convincing people when men attack them. Look at me.” I gestured at myself. “Who’s really going to believe a woman assaulted me? Never mind multiple times?”

Matt grimaced. “Fuck. I don’t know. I…” He scratched the back of his head. “And she threatened you to keep you quiet.”

I swallowed bile. “She did.”

“Ugh, that’s disgusting. I’ve never really liked her, but I never thought she was capable of that.”

“I didn’t either until she actually did it,” I said softly. “Honestly, even after that. I kind of thought I dreamed it the first time because I was so out of it.”

Matt made a sound like he was about to retch. “I can’t believe she did it once. Multiple times? Good God…”

“I feel like I shouldn’t have let it happen the—”

“ Don’t do that to yourself, Nolan.” He looked right in my eyes. “Don’t. You didn’t let her do anything. She coerced you and blackmailed you and—” He scrunched up his face. “Christ, I can’t believe she drugged you.”

I stared at him in disbelief. Though I knew he believed me, it was still difficult to comprehend someone knowing what happened and being on my side. Not only believing that my account was true, but dismissing the idea that I should have handled it differently. Maybe he didn’t know what it was like to be cornered the way I had been, or terrified in the moment that she was going to accuse me of assaulting her, or—hell, any of the myriad awful things I’d thought and felt during those assaults. Maybe he didn’t understand on a visceral level, but as much as anyone could who hadn’t been through it… he got it.

As much as today had been ripping me apart, it was that realization more than anything else that had my eyes stinging and my composure cracking.

I tried to be slick about swiping at my eyes, but Matt was too observant to let me get away with it.

Without a word, he pulled me into a hug I didn’t know I needed. I squeezed my eyes shut and held on to him. An avalanche of conflicting emotions crashed through me as I tried and failed to keep the tears inside. I hated that everything had come out today, and that we were all going to be feeling the ramifications for a long time. At the same time, I was grateful beyond words that, by some miracle, my brother believed me and still loved me, even after I’d wrecked his wedding.

“I know you said it’s not my fault,” I said through my tears. “But I’m sorry. For letting this all out now.”

He held me impossibly tighter. “I’m sorry you thought you had to carry it alone for so damn long.”

My shoulders sagged. Hell, my whole body sagged. This had been one of the worst days of my life, and I was overcome with relief, guilt, and gratitude as my brother held me up. He of all people should’ve been furious with me. All this time, and I’d picked the night before his wedding to air this dirty laundry—I hated me. I couldn’t believe he didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, even though I knew he’d tell me not to be. I was, and I wanted him to know that.

When he let me go, though, he didn’t comment on that. Instead, he asked, “Why did you still go to the bachelorette?”

I swallowed hard. “You said Sophia didn’t feel safe going out without someone with them. I… I wanted her to have a good time, you know?”

“But that meant you’d have…” Matt rubbed the back of his neck and swore. “God, Nolan. I had no idea I was asking you to go to a place like that with… Fuck, dude.” He sounded pained. “I didn’t know we were sending you out with your…” He pressed his lips as if he couldn’t say the word. Maybe he couldn’t.

“You didn’t know.”

“But you could’ve bowed out or…” He leaned over his hands on the railing and looked like he was seriously considering puking on Mom’s rhododendrons. “If I’d known, I never would’ve asked.” He paused. “I mean, if I’d known, Leann wouldn’t be within five hundred miles of my wedding, but still… Jesus, Nolan. I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

He shot me a pointed look. “Says the guy who still thinks it’s his fault that the wedding got disrupted.” Before I could respond, he squeezed my arm. “We’re good, man. Okay? Leann’s the one who should be sorry for a lot of things, but I don’t think she’s capable of that.”

I grunted. “She’d have to admit she was wrong first.”

“She knows she’s wrong,” he growled. “She just doesn’t care.”

Something about the way he said that gave me pause, and I cocked my head. “Was there… Was there a problem with her before I said anything?”

Matt quirked his lips as he stared out at the yard, probably trying to choose his words carefully. Finally, he said, “I’m not gonna lie—I’ve never liked her. She’s just always seemed so…” He furrowed his brow. “I don’t even know what the word is. Superficial? Phony?” He shook his head. “I just never liked her. But she and Sophia are friends— were friends, and she’s married to my brother, so…”

“So you couldn’t get away from her.”

“No.” He turned to me again. “I was mad at you for a long time, you know. Because you left. My big brother was here, and then you were just…” He gestured like something flying away. “You were gone. And you almost never came back.”

My heart dropped. Another apology was nearly to the tip of my tongue, but Matt spoke first.

“I get it now,” he whispered. “If you’d stayed, you’d have had to be around her all the time. Especially after she and Andrew got married.”

I shuddered. “It killed me, you know. Being so far away.” My throat was tight, but I barreled on. “I missed the family. I missed…” I gestured around us. “I never wanted to be a Marine. I work with guys who live and breathe the Marine Corps, and for some of them, it’s what they wanted to be, you know? But for me, it’s a paycheck, and it’s overseas orders.” I swiped at my eyes and sniffed. “It was my best ticket away from her. I just hated that it took me away from everyone and everything else too.”

Matt hung his head, whispering some curses that would’ve made my fellow Marines blush. Then, he croaked, “It sucks, but I get why you did it.” He looked at me, fresh tears glittering in his eyes, and suddenly he was my baby brother again. Not just three years younger than me, but barely fifteen years old and realizing I was really going away. “You shouldn’t have had to leave.”

It was my turn to pull him into a hug, and I closed my eyes as we stood there in silence.

Still holding on, he finally said, “Are you going to come home more after this?”

For once, the rush of emotion was happier than not, and I managed a smile as I patted his back. “I think so, yeah. The only person I didn’t want to see won’t be here. Or at least, no one will expect me to visit with her.”

“I don’t think she’ll be here.” Matt pulled back and wiped his eyes. “I don’t think Andrew will be either, and that sucks, but… I don’t know what to do.”

I winced. “I don’t either. Maybe he just needs time. Or maybe he…” I trailed off because I couldn’t actually say out loud that our brother might be done with us. He clearly believed Leann. She was his wife. The mother of his kids. Even if he did think I was telling the truth, this couldn’t be easy for him.

Would he ever speak to me again? It was impossible to say for now.

Matt cleared his throat and checked his phone. “Shit. It’s getting late. I need to go help Sophia make calls.” He rolled his shoulders. “We’re postponing the wedding. The reception, anyway.”

My heart dropped. “What? Oh, Jesus. I am so sorry. I didn’t want you to have to—”

“It’s not on you.” He squeezed my shoulder. “We don’t want what she did hanging over our wedding. What she did, Nolan. Not you.”

“I just hate that it came out now. I’m sorry for that.”

“I know you are.” He let me go but kept a hand on my shoulder. “We’re not upset with you.”

“But your wedding…”

“We’ll still get married. We’re going to do something small tomorrow, and then we’ll do the big shindig later. Once everything else has quieted down.” He pursed his lips. “That’ll probably be tough for you to get leave, though, won’t it?”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s, um… It’s actually pretty easy for me to get leave.”

“It is?” But then the pieces seemed to connect in his head. “So all the times you didn’t come back for things… you were avoiding…”

I nodded. “It sucks, being so far away from the family all the time, especially missing holidays and big things. But facing her…”

“Jesus, Nolan.” He stared at me as if I’d just punched him in the gut. “You’ve missed so many things—and then you came for my wedding…”

“Of course I did! You’re my little brother. I wouldn’t have missed your wedding for anything, especially not when you wanted me as your best man. I just thought…” I sighed, leaning against the railing again. “I thought I could suck it up and be around her. Especially since I’d have Riley with me this time.”

Matt offered a sad smile. “I mean, I’m glad you don’t have to get through it now. But at least if you did, you had him with you.”

Christ, wasn’t that the truth?

My brother went back inside to help his wife spread the word about the postponed wedding, and I stayed on the deck. I faced the yard again, closed my eyes, and took in some long, slow breaths of cool air.

None of this was resolved. Nothing was settled. Guilt would be a constant companion for a long time, just like shame and trauma had been for all these years. But I hadn’t lost my younger brother. I probably hadn’t lost my parents. Though it would take a long time to sort through all the wreckage of today, I felt less alone than I had since the night Leann had driven me home from wrestling.

The kitchen door opened again, and I gazed out at the yard, wondering who’d joined me this time.

The hand on the small of my back let me release my breath.

Without a word, I turned around and gathered Riley up in a tight bear hug.

He tensed for a second, but then wrapped his arms around my waist.

I buried my face against his neck. “I am so glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” He stroked my hair. “What do you need?”

“This.” I kissed his neck and held him tighter. “You. Just… That’s all.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “And for what it’s worth, I’d still have been in your corner and had your back if we were still just roommates with benefits. None of this is contingent on anything. I care about you. Full stop.”

God, I was so done crying today, but the tears stinging my eyes weren’t from grief or pain this time.

“You’re amazing.” I lifted my head to meet his gaze, not even bothering to wipe my eyes because I knew this man wouldn’t think less of me for tearing up. “I have no idea what I did to deserve you, and you definitely deserve better than me, but—”

He cut me off with a soft, sweet kiss, followed by a murmured, “Shut up.”

I laughed even as a tear rolled down my cheek.

“I love you,” he went on. “You’re as far from perfect as I am, but I wouldn’t change a thing about you. I don’t care what I deserve—I’m just blown away that somehow, I have you.”

I exhaled and touched my forehead to his. “Can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this romantic side of you all this time.”

He laughed. “Well, wine me and dine me at some of those fancy-ass steakhouses when we get back to Oki, and you’ll see a lot more of it.”

The laughter that poured out of me felt better than anything had all day. Or in a long time, if I was honest.

I cupped his neck in both hands and kissed him, letting it linger for a moment. Then I wrapped my arms around him again and just held him as my whole world seemed to settle around us.

“Thank you, by the way,” I said, “for suggesting this trip. I didn’t think any of it would play out this way, but I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” He kissed my temple. “And you were there for me too. When everything blew up with my family.”

That almost had me reeling; the visit to California felt like months ago. “Jesus.” I drew back to look at him. “You’ve been holding me up this whole time, and I should’ve been supporting you while you dealt with—”

His gentle kiss shut me up.

“You did support you,” he whispered. “And I know you still do. Right now, we can focus on what’s going on around us.” He tipped his head toward the house. “Doesn’t mean either of us have forgotten about things on my end.”

My shoulders sagged. Truthfully, I had forgotten, but he was probably right. It was a little like being in combat and forgetting an order my supervisor gave me because we were suddenly in a firefight; once the bullets had stopped flying and the wounded had been treated, I could deal with the earlier order.

I carded my fingers through his hair, which was definitely out of regs since we’d been traveling. “How are you doing, anyway? With going no-contact?”

“I think it’s a relief, to be honest.”

“Yeah?”

Lowering his gaze, he nodded. “After spending all that time trying to get them to accept me, that pressure is off. I’m done fighting. It’s… freeing in ways I didn’t expect.”

I didn’t know what else to do, so I reeled him back in and let him rest his head on my shoulder. “I think you did the right thing, then.”

“I know I did. It’s still hard. Still sucks knowing my parents are…” He trailed off into a sigh, deflating against me.

“I’m sorry.” I stroked his hair.

Riley sighed again. Then he stepped back and met my gaze, and an oddly amused grin twisted his lips. “You know, we’re going to need to take leave to recover from this leave.”

I laughed. “You’re not wrong.”

He chuckled, but then turned contemplative. “We could always snag a three-day weekend and have a staycation. Just us and the cats.”

The mention of my cats tugged at my heart. I missed them. “That sounds perfect. Especially having the cats around.”

“Oh, oh, so it’s the cats you want to be with, not—”

“Shut up,” I said, and kissed him again. He was grinning when our lips met, but they quickly softened, and we just let this perfect, gentle moment linger. Yeah, there was a lot in flux in both of our worlds. A lot of upheaval and chaos.

But soon, we’d be back on Okinawa in the apartment we shared with my three cats. Just thinking about that made me a little homesick.

I was glad to see my family and Seattle again, but right now, all I wanted was my boyfriend, my cats, and our familiar apartment.

I couldn’t wait to go home.

My brother and sister-in-law’s wedding was a much more subdued occasion than anyone had originally planned, but it was still a happy one. They still had it in the church, just with a handful of family members and very close friends instead of the long list of invited guests, though they did include people who’d traveled from out of town.

The smaller, quieter ceremony with four instead of five people standing on either side of the bride and groom drove home how much things had changed in twenty-four hours. Leann’s absence was a relief. Andrew’s ached like an infected tooth.

Even the formal photos afterward were a little somber when it was time for Matt’s side of the family to join the couple. At least Sophia’s makeup artist had been able to cover up the bruise on my face so well that it wouldn’t show up in any of the pictures. I just hoped my brother and his wife would be able to look at their wedding album without the memories being stained by yesterday.

While my parents were obviously over the moon watching Matt and Sophia say “I do,” their hurt and sadness was unmistakable. It must have been heavy as hell, sitting at their youngest son’s wedding after hearing how their middle son was assaulted by the eldest’s wife. Mom had made some noise last night about everybody needing therapy, and I hoped she and Dad followed through with that. They were going to need it. We all were.

A couple of days after the wedding, my parents had Riley and me come over, and they sat down with us to talk about “the situation.” Apparently my dad had reached out to a lawyer to find out if any legal action could be taken against Leann. The lawyer concluded that the best I could hope for was third degree rape, and the statute of limitations for that was ten years, so it was too late to prosecute anything except the incident at the cabin. The situations where I was drugged were technically second degree, but my only evidence was my statement that I was exceptionally tired. After being at a wrestling tournament all day, that was to be expected, so it would be almost impossible to prove I was drugged or otherwise incapacitated.

My mother tried to argue that I was a minor at the time, so there shouldn’t be a statute of limitations, but in the state of Washington, the cutoff was sixteen, not eighteen. So even the assaults that happened when I was seventeen didn’t qualify.

Apparently the lawyer had gone on to say that even if the assaults were still within the statute of limitations, they would be difficult to prosecute. There was no evidence and there were no witnesses. And for that matter, the lawyer sadly agreed with my assessment that few jurors would believe an undefeated wrestler was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a woman half his size. It would get even more difficult once the jury saw me, a Marine who made religious use of a gym.

“He didn’t say it’s impossible,” my dad said. “He just wanted to be realistic about what the outcome might be.”

“She shouldn’t get away with it,” Mom said. “I’m just disgusted that she—ugh. That woman is not welcome in my home anymore. But she should be in jail!”

“She should be,” I said. “But pressing charges… I mean, the lawyer’s right. I don’t have any evidence. It’s her word against mine. And look at me.” I gestured at myself. “Do you really think I can convince twelve strangers that she assaulted me?”

My mom made a disgusted face, shook her head, and reached for her coffee.

Beside me, Riley’s expression echoed my own feelings—angry, disappointed, resigned. He and I had talked about this last night after Dad mentioned talking to a lawyer. While we both wanted the justice that could come with pressing charges, we were both too cynical and jaded to think that would be the outcome. If anything, I was signing up for a protracted battle where I had to keep ripping open my own wounds, only to listen to a jury let her off.

Or maybe I was just a fucking coward.

But at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Too much time had passed. Leann’s name was mud within our family, at least among those who believed me over her, but she’d never see the inside of a jail cell. She’d never even see the inside of a courtroom.

“I should’ve done something back then,” I told my boyfriend and parents. “What she did isn’t my fault. The fact that she got away with it?” I shook my head. “That’s on me.”

Riley took my hand. “Nolan. Look at me.”

Despite the shame roiling in the pit of my stomach, I did, and I found nothing but softness and love in his eyes.

“None of this is your fault,” he said. “She did this to you. She scared you into staying silent. And let’s be real—society hasn’t exactly had an open-door policy for male victims of sexual assault. Especially if the perpetrator is a woman. Not that we do a great job with women who are assaulted by men, but…” He squeezed my hand. “Look, the point is that the deck was always stacked against you, and you were a kid. You did what you had to do to protect yourself. You didn’t fail at a damn thing, and nothing about this is your fault.”

My throat was tight by the time he finished, and all I could do was wrap my arms around him again. I was worried he was going to get tired of me holding on to him like this—I was probably getting too clingy—but he didn’t say a word. He just pulled me in and kissed my cheek.

“You found a good one, Nolan,” my dad said fondly. “I always worry about you being alone out there, but… obviously you’re not.”

I laughed softly as I let Riley go. “No, I’m definitely not.”

“Not with an apartment full of cats, you’re not,” Riley quipped, and I elbowed him playfully.

My mom smiled for the first time since Matt’s wedding. “I feel a lot better about you going back to Japan, knowing you’ll be with Riley.”

Riley blushed, which was seriously cute.

“I wish we could do something about the past,” she went on. “And I wish we could do more about Leann. But at least I know you have someone there with you who loves you.”

I wrapped an arm around Riley’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Yeah. I do.”

He met my gaze and smiled. Good God. I’d felt utterly flayed open the last few days, but my parents were still on my side, and Riley was still looking at me like I wasn’t a complete trainwreck. Maybe, with them and him in my corner, I could put all these pieces back together and finally move on with my life.

“Nolan,” Mom said. “Is this—is the situation why you avoided coming home all these years?”

I dropped my gaze and nodded. “Yeah. I felt guilty and ashamed, and I just… I didn’t want to be around her.” I swallowed hard. “Especially after that trip to the cabin. When I knew she’d still…”

“I’m sorry,” Dad said softly. “I wish we’d known.”

I nodded again. They’d already said as much, and I still didn’t quite know how to respond.

“She won’t be here anymore,” Mom said. “And you know we love you and support you. We want you to come home more. We miss you.”

Eyes stinging, I said, “I know. And… I want to come home more.”

Those words almost tore me apart more than everything I’d told the family about what Leann had done. I hated how long I’d been away. How much I’d missed. I wanted to see the people who still loved me. I wanted to make up for lost time.

“I will,” I croaked. “I promise.”

“We’d love to see you.” She paused. “Do you think you can come home for Christmas?”

She’d asked me every year since I’d enlisted, and for the first time, I wasn’t mentally scrambling for some reason why I couldn’t make the trip. It was hard to speak with this lump in my throat, but I managed. “I’ll put in the leave request as soon as I get home.”

She smiled, which almost made me start crying for real. Then she turned to Riley. “Of course you’re welcome here, too. I’m sure you have family you’ll want to spend it with, but any boyfriend of my son’s is always welcome.”

“I, uh… I actually don’t have anywhere to spend Christmas.” He slipped his hand into mine again. “But if he wants me to come…”

“Definitely,” I said without hesitation. “Please do.”

He smiled. “I’ll go wherever you go.”

The warmth from that simple comment chased away all the pain and regret. God, I loved this man.

My parents let the conversation move to less fraught subjects, and we spent the rest of the afternoon just enjoying their company. Mom made dinner, and for the first time since I’d left home, I felt like part of the family again instead of an outsider. They made us promise to come back at least one more time before we flew back to Japan later this week, and I didn’t have to talk myself into agreeing.

Back at our hotel, we lay in bed for a little while. No fooling around. We didn’t take off our clothes. We just sort of chilled, letting the day and this whole trip settle over us.

“I know I’ve said this about a million times,” I said after a while. “But thank you for this. For being here for me.”

“Don’t mention it.” He paused, then chuckled. “Hard to believe we were just supposed to be faking it as a couple on this trip.”

I blinked. “We—oh, fuck. You’re right.” I laughed, shaking my head. “Would you believe I forgot about that? That it was… that it was fake?”

“Baby, you’ve had a lot on your mind recently.” He touched my face and kissed me softly. “I don’t blame you at all.”

“To be fair, you have too.”

“I have. And I pretty much forgot we were faking it too.” He smiled. “Especially around the time I stopped faking it.”

“Yeah? When was that?”

He seemed to think about it. “Probably about the time I introduced you to my parents as my boyfriend.”

“Really?”

Blushing, Riley nodded. “I don’t know why—as soon as I said it, I meant it, even if I didn’t really realize it in the moment.” He studied me shyly. “What about you?”

“I…” I chewed my lip as I considered the question. I could take the easy way out and say after he came to my rescue at the bachelor party, or the first time we had sex without my past dominating my thoughts.

But I decided he deserved the truth.

I met his eyes. “I don’t think it was ever fake for me.”

His eyebrows jump. “It wasn’t?”

“No. I kept my distance from everyone, but not you. Even when I was doing that with you, I still let you in closer than anyone else.” I pulled in a breath, my heart pounding as I held his gaze. “I think, on some level, what we have now—that’s what I wished we could be from the start. I just… didn’t think I’d ever be able to do this with anyone.”

Riley’s lips parted.

I cringed inwardly, sure he was about to tell me that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard.

To my surprise, though, he smiled. “I really have been missing out on this romantic side of you.”

I laughed and pulled him closer. “So, make up for lost time once we get back to the island?”

That smile really was the best thing in my whole world.

“Sounds perfect,” he whispered, and pressed his lips to mine.

And yeah, it did sound perfect.

I couldn’t wait.