Page 14

Chapter 14

Nolan

Tomorrow.

We’d be there tomorrow.

The temptation was strong to suggest we take some spontaneous detour. We could drive out to the coast, pick up Highway 101, and take it up to the top of the Olympic Peninsula. It was gorgeous out there, and the beaches wouldn’t be crowded yet. We could easily kill a day or two under the pretense of showing Riley the Washington scenery.

But I’d already texted my dad to let him know we were heading up in the morning. Depending on when we got moving and how much traffic we encountered, we’d be at my parents’ front door sometime in the afternoon.

At least I’d convinced them not to have a big Welcome Home shindig. Mom had wanted to have almost everyone I’d ever known come over, but I’d begged them off.

We’re both wiped from traveling, I’d said. I’ll see people at the wedding and while I’m in town.

None of those things were lies. Not the whole truth, but not lies.

My phone vibrated on the nightstand. When I looked at it, I had a text from Riley.

Was thinking of hunting down some dinner. Want to go?

I had to think about that one. I was hungry, yes, but my stomach was also roiling with nerves. The room’s walls were closing in, but the thought of going anywhere filled me with dread.

Before I could respond, a second message came through:

Or fuck it let’s order pizza or something. I think if I see another human being, I’m going to road rage them.

I laughed into the quiet as I wrote back, I can drive if you’re that worried about it.

Oh I don’t even need to be in the car. I will road rage a pedestrian.

Is it still road rage if you’re both pedestrians?

I’m not answering any more questions until my lawyer gets here.

I chuckled, shaking my head. Pizza sounds great, I replied. Want to watch a movie in my room?

Are you hitting on me, Staff Sergeant?

If I was hitting on you, I’d say come over here so I can blow you while we wait for the pizza.

…ARE you saying that?

Maybe I should wait until your lawyer gets here.

LOL Be there in a minute.

I laughed again, especially as I heard him moving across his room, and then the door opening. I swung my legs over the edge of the mattress and rolled to my feet, and I reached the door a second before he did.

He gave me a playfully sultry look. “Is this where I go for pizza and a blowjob?”

I rolled my eyes. “Get in here.”

He snickered as he did, but he also caught me around the waist with his arm. I managed to get the door shut before he reeled me into a long kiss. I hadn’t actually been in the mood to fool around, and I still wasn’t, but I liked this. This was still new for us. Still an incredibly sexy novelty.

And… what could I say? The longer we stood there, Riley’s mouth moving lazily with mine, the less I could hold on to my earlier mood. And the more I warmed up to the idea that while fooling around hadn’t been on my agenda, I probably would feel pretty good after. And during.

He nipped my lower lip. A little out of breath, he asked, “Should we order pizza? Or wait until we’re done?”

“Don’t know.” I nudged him back toward the bed. “What do you think?”

“Well, given my recent track record, we’re probably safe even if we order from a ‘thirty minutes or less’ place. That still leaves us with a twenty-nine minute buffer.”

“Oh, come on.” I chuckled, sliding my hands down over his ass. “That was one time.”

“Mmm, true.” He tugged me flush against him by my waistband. “Might be a little awkward if the driver shows up while I’m still deep-throating you, though.”

I groaned just before he kissed me again.

Okay, fuck it. I was in the mood after all.

Lying in bed in our skivvies with a pizza box between us, I felt a hell of a lot better than I had before Riley had texted.

Still not great, though.

The pizza was damn good, and the sex was always amazing, but everything that had been bugging me earlier still needled at me.

And apparently I wasn’t being subtle about it, because Riley eyed me as he pulled another slice from the box. “You good tonight?”

“Yeah. Just…” I sighed. “We’re going to be there tomorrow. At my parents’ house, I mean.”

“Right?” He tilted his head. “That’s a… good thing, right?”

I wobbled my hand in the air. “I’m looking forward to seeing my parents. And my brothers. A lot of people, really. But…”

Riley’s lips pulled tight. “But there’s someone you’re not looking forward to seeing.”

“Yeah,” I said hollowly. “That’s an understatement. I keep…” Shame burned hot in my chest and in my face. “We’re almost there, and we’ve come all this way, but I still keep having second thoughts about going.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Do you?”

I nodded, staring at the half-finished slice I’d abandoned on my plate. “I want to be there for my brother. What kind of brother would I be if I bailed as his best man?”

I could feel Riley studying me, though I didn’t look up. He put his own pizza slice down and picked off a piece of pepperoni. “Your brother isn’t the problem, is he?”

“No. Which is also why I think it would be a dick move for me to bow out, but…” I exhaled. “Basically, there’s ninety-nine people there who I want to see, but one who’s making me want to turn around and go back to Oki.”

“And you said no one else knows?”

I shook my head as an old familiar knot twisted in the pit of my stomach, making the pizza even less appetizing. I finally made myself look at him. “You’re the only one I’ve ever told.” That wasn’t a hundred percent true, but I didn’t want to get into what had happened the handful of times I had opened up. “It’s, um… It’s not exactly something I like to advertise.”

“No, but I can’t imagine not having some kind of support. Just someone having your back even if that other person is still there.”

That took a moment to process. I’d been going this alone for so long, the idea of someone having my back was alien.

And, I realized with a sinking feeling, he’d probably change his tune if he ever heard the whole story. No one else had taken it well—why should he?

Part of me thought I should nut up and be honest. Let him decide what he wanted to do going forward with all the information instead of the wildly incomplete version he knew.

But I was a coward when it came to both facing my past and the prospect of Riley scoffing and backing away from me. Selfish and cowardly or not, I needed him for this visit. Afterward, I could tell him the truth. That wouldn’t be a fun experience, and it wouldn’t be fun watching him leave, but at least I wouldn’t be going into this visit and my brother’s wedding alone.

I finally said. “Well, it’ll be good to have someone in my corner this time.”

His expression was full of questions. He had to be insanely curious by now about what had actually happened, but he didn’t ask. And I realized I’d have to be very careful how I acted around people—what I said, what I did—because Riley was a cop. A military cop, sure; he didn’t have to deal with criminals day in and day out, but those things did happen on base sometimes. He was trained in interrogation techniques, body language, and sniffing out the things people didn’t want him to know.

Keeping these cards close to my vest was not going to be easy.

And deep down, I was terrified Riley would figure them all out anyway.