Page 34

(You didn’t really think I’d leave this out, did you?)

Nolan

In the months since we’d come back to Okinawa, Riley and I were as inseparable as our jobs allowed. On nights when one of us had to stay on-base, his absence made the bed—whether it was mine, his, or one in the barracks—feel huge and empty.

Fortunately, that was only two nights a week. Sometimes the schedules even aligned and we both had the same duty day, so we just had to spend one night apart. I loved those weeks. So did the cats. And more and more, I thought Riley did too.

“Last night was the longest night ever,” he murmured against my throat as I ran my hands up his bare back.

“Yeah?” I arched under him. “Boring watch?”

“Watch is always boring.” He lifted his head and gazed down at me. “But there’s nothing worse than being on a boring watch while you’re that horny.”

I laughed, rubbing my hard-on against his. “Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” He came down to kiss me again. “And even when I finally called it a night, my hand just wasn’t getting the job done.”

I squirmed under him. “Ooh, so you’re really horny now, aren’t you?”

“Why do you think I pounced on you as soon as you got out of the shower?”

I grinned and lifted my head to kiss him. I loved when he was like this. He wasn’t demanding at all—I always knew we could stop no matter what—but he was needy and pleading, so hungry for me and for stimulation that he was shaking.

I loved it.

“Why don’t you get on your side?” I whispered. “Let me finger you?”

The way he bit his lip as his eyelids fluttered shut—oh, yeah, he was onboard with that idea.

I’d worried for a while that fingering him wasn’t enough—that it was just a meh substitute for getting fucked. That worry had gone away the first time I’d made him come hands-free.

This time, he didn’t go hands-free. As I eased my lubed up fingers into him, he stroked himself, moving his hand in time with mine. Sometimes we could get going fast and hard, but other times, it was slow and easy. That always drove him especially wild on nights like this where he was too horny to see straight; he was always a contradiction of needing to come fast and hard, and wanting to draw things out and enjoy them for as long as possible.

I was always more than happy to do either.

“Fucking hell,” he whispered. “I am going to blow you so good after this.”

“Mmm, you always do.” I bit my lip as I pushed my fingers back in, drawing a whimper out of Riley. “You really love that, don’t you?” I knew he did, but I couldn’t get enough of hearing him say it.

“So much,” he whined. “God, Nolan…”

I kissed the side of his neck.

Whenever I had him like this, my head was full of conflicting feelings, but not the same ones as Riley’s “come now” or “draw it out and savor it” debate. I was rock-hard and desperate for friction, and the words “Can I fuck you?” were on the tip of my tongue. Fear and embarrassment kept them back, though. Yes, I wanted him. I wanted to ride him until he fell apart, and then come inside him.

But what if it didn’t work? We’d tried a few times since we’d come back from the States, and I still just couldn’t quite get there. I’d get as far as lubing myself up and even guiding myself to him, and then… failure to launch.

I want to try. If it works this time, then I’ll be in him, and—God, I want that.

I teased him inside, crooking my fingers just right to make him gasp, and he rolled his hips, fucking himself on my hand as he pumped his own cock.

“Like that?” I purred in his ear.

The response was a helpless whimper. He was trembling now, and he was breathing hard—it wouldn’t take much for both of us to get him off.

I want to feel you come while I’m inside you.

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted that so bad. So, so bad.

Fear zipped through me, but it wasn’t as intense as it had been the last few times. I wouldn’t say I was over the embarrassment of not being able to keep it up long enough to get into him, but Riley had always been sweet and kind about it. If my cock didn’t cooperate, then I’d just blow him while I finger-fucked him, and before long, he’d be sucking me off too.

It was frustrating, but each time, it felt less insurmountable. Like I hadn’t been able to do it this time, but I would . Eventually—sooner or later—I would .

“Nolan,” he breathed. “Fuck, baby, that feels so…” He arched off my chest and swore. “I don’t know if I want to come, or I want you to keep going.”

My head was light with arousal. “We can keep going. I’ll do this as long as you want.”

He moaned, and I kept doing it, but God help me, I wanted more.

Tamping down my nerves, I murmured, “Can I fuck you?”

The shiver that went through him made my toes curl. So did the whispered, “Yes, please.” He swallowed. “There’s enough lube—bet you could just slide right in.”

I… maybe? Maybe if I didn’t stop and give myself time to freak myself out?

Worth a try.

I withdrew my fingers, and a second later, the head of my dick was against his hole, and—

“Oh my God,” he moaned. “Nolan…”

Closing my eyes, I pressed in farther, and we both gasped as…

As I slid deeper.

As my fully hard cock pushed inside him.

All the way inside him.

I choked on my own voice as I buried my face against his neck. Gripping his hip just to anchor myself, I withdrew a little, then slid back in. Whatever part of my brain was in charge of making my dick have second thoughts was apparently offline. Probably short-circuiting because holy fuck, Riley’s ass felt amazing . Every slow, languid stroke was even better than I’d imagined it would be—hot and slick and tight and perfect .

“Riley…” I couldn’t think enough to say anything else, and I trailed off into a moan.

He wasn’t any more articulate, his words reduced to soft curses in between whimpers and gasps. Every time I slid home, he arched and squirmed; I was probably hitting that perfect spot he loved when I fingered him. I closed my eyes—whenever he hit it while he was topping me, it damn near made me black out. The thought that I might be making him feel half as good as he ever made me—oh, hell, that made my dick even harder.

“We’re gonna do this hard and fast one of these nights,” I purred. “Same way you do when you fuck me. But this time…” I exhaled as I pushed back into him slowly.

“This is perfect.” His words came out strained. “You feel… Oh my God, it’s perfect.”

It was perfect. Everything about this—hell, I didn’t even mind that it had taken so long and so many tries to get here. Those had been awful, but now that I’d made it past my own demons, it wasn’t just hot, it was a victory . I’d won . And so much of that was because of the man who was in my arms right now.

Being as close to him as two people could get was poetic and perfect and so much more than my younger self had ever thought possible.

Riley shivered, and he rolled his hips to egg me on. “Do you want to come in me?” His voice was ragged with need.

“Yes. God… yes.” Now that he’d said it, I was so close it was a miracle I hadn’t lost it already. I bit his shoulder—didn’t even know why—and his strangled cry and the way he tightened around my dick had me halfway to the stratosphere. I thrust a little harder, desperate for friction and heat and him and the orgasm that was closing in on me with every heartbeat, and—

“Oh, fuck!” he cried, and suddenly he was impossibly tight, his body bucking in that way that could only mean he was coming and he was coming hard.

I squeezed my eyes shut and drove into him for all I was worth, letting everything about this moment drag me right over the edge with him. With a shout that was muffled by his shoulder, I finally—

Oh my God, I finally came inside Riley.

As I came back to earth, I held him close to me with my arm around his midsection, and I kept my face against his neck as I tried to keep this flood of emotion from breaking loose. I’d heard of people crying after a powerful orgasm, but this was so much more than that.

Riley squeezed my arm. “Hey. You okay?”

I sniffed, then kissed the side of his neck. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m… I’m good.” As if my voice didn’t give me away.

He twisted around a little, brow furrowed with concern. “Are you sure?”

I smiled. “I’m good. Just… a little overwhelmed, I think. In a good way.”

He didn’t seem quite convinced.

Tapping his hip, I said, “Let’s get cleaned up.”

We did, and as we settled back into bed with my arm around Riley’s shoulders and his draped across me, I said, “I’m okay. I promise.”

He studied me uncertainly. “It wasn’t… Like it wasn’t too much?”

“No.” I kissed his forehead. “I think it was just such a long and bullshit road to get there, that when I realized I finally did…” My voice was getting thick, damn it. Laughing softly, I swiped at my eyes again. “It’s just a lot, you know?”

Riley cuddled closer to me and kissed beneath my jaw. “I bet it is. But we got there. And it was good?” His brow pinched.

I had to laugh at that. “It was way better than good.” I lifted my head for a longer kiss, and as I relaxed onto the pillow again, I added, “Thank you. For being patient with me for so long, and for being someone I could do this with at all.”

“Of course,” he whispered, and he found my lips again, letting a gentle kiss go on for a long moment.

Something thumped onto the bed beside me. I knew before I looked that it was a cat, and Velcro was almost immediately followed by his siblings. Velcro, of course, climbed up on my chest and bumped his head against my face.

I laughed and sputtered some cat hair.

Riley huffed. “I see how it is. You’re all cuddly with me until the cats show up.”

I tightened my arm around his shoulders. “Shut up.”

He chuckled and petted Velcro. Then he turned his head. “Um. Excuse me?”

I had to crane my neck a bit to see past Velcro, and I wasn’t at all surprised to see ShiShi making herself comfortable on Riley’s hip. I laughed. “Hope you weren’t planning on moving any time soon.”

“No, I definitely wasn’t. Arrow’s on my foot.”

“Of course he is.”

Riley met my gaze again, and his expression was soft and sweet. “Not that I was planning on moving anyway.”

“Good. Because I like this.”

“Cuddling in bed with the cats piled on us?”

I glanced at Velcro, who was now purring his head off on my chest. “I mean, there are worse things.”

“Yeah. There are.” He smiled as he scratched Velcro’s back, then reached down to pet ShiShi. “I have no complaints.”

Neither did I.

I was in my bed with the man I loved and the three cats who ran our lives. I’d knocked down one of my own trauma-built walls tonight. I was safer and more loved than I’d ever thought I would be again.

There was a lot I would change about my past if I could, but the present? The present as absolutely perfect.

And I knew our future would be amazing.