Page 21

Chapter 21

Riley

I couldn’t drink like I had in my early twenties, and I usually didn’t drink like I had last night. Fortunately, though, I hadn’t let myself get too carried away. Not even when I’d had to show up the other guys by doing two tequila shooters in a row.

The morning after the bachelor party, my head throbbed a little, but I didn’t get sick, and I mostly just felt like I would after a too-long shift or something. Kind of tired, but not like those hangovers I’d had in my early days in the Navy. I still wondered sometimes how my liver hadn’t given out before I turned twenty-five.

Nolan didn’t look too bad either. We went to the restaurant beside the hotel again, and especially after we’d both had some food and coffee, we came back to life. Back in our rooms, we showered, shaved, and brushed our teeth, and honestly, if not for the very faint throb behind my eyes, I’d never know I’d gotten drunk last night.

After we’d both dressed, he came into my room so we could figure out our plans for the day. We had Sophia’s bachelorette tonight, and neither of us felt like doing much between now and then.

“We can just take it easy for the day,” I said. “Save our energy for tonight.”

“Sounds good to me.”

We settled onto my bed, ostensibly to watch TV, but that ended predictably. The two of us in the same bed, especially while we were still enjoying the novelties of getting naked together and of kissing, only ended one way.

And that , I was happy to realize, also only ended one way.

I had no idea when cuddling with Nolan would stop feeling new and incredible. Hopefully never, because I loved this.

We lay there in comfortable silence for a while, the sheet draped over our waists and my arm draped over him. I surreptitiously watched him. His features were relaxed now, his eyes closed even though he was awake. His hair had really started to grow in since we’d left Japan; it looked good like that. He rocked the short, neat look as well as he did the high-and-tight.

Which he’d only had for a few months.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I quietly said, “Can I ask you about something?”

Nolan slid a hand over my arm. “Sure.”

I studied him as I tried to put my thoughts into words, my intense curiosity clashing with my reluctance to put him on the spot. Finally, I reached up and trailed my fingertips along the side of his head where the shaved skin transitioned to the longer hair on top. “When we were at my parents’ house, you said you started going with the high-and-tight because your boyfriend liked it.”

His eyes darted away from mine, and he turned a little pink.

“I also remember mentioning how much I liked this look,” I said softly. “And a little while after…” I swallowed. “I’m just curious.”

He drew the tip of his tongue across his lips as he shyly met my gaze again. “ Do you like it? On me?”

“Fuck yeah,” I said without hesitation. “You looked good before, but this…” I whistled, shaking my head.

He laughed even as some more color rose in his cheeks. “Mission accomplished, then.”

“So it… It was because you knew I liked it?”

Staring at his hand on my chest, he didn’t respond for a long moment. Then, without saying a word, he gave a subtle nod.

I couldn’t describe the little rush of warmth that sent through me.

“For the record,” I said, “I really did like the shaved look too. And I’d never ask you to change the way you look for me. Just so we’re clear.”

Nolan smiled, gaze still fixed on our hands. “I know. To tell you the truth, I really like it too—the high-and-tight, I mean. I had one before, actually. It was just a pain in the ass to maintain.” He licked his lips again. “But then there was suddenly a reason why maintaining it would be worth it, so…” He half-shrugged.

“You don’t have to, though.”

He looked right in my eyes. “But if I keep it like this… you’d like it?”

“Well, yeah. But I don’t want you to think you have to change anything to keep me happy. Especially things like…” I gestured at his hair.

“You’ve done things for me, though.”

“I…” Okay, I had, but I hadn’t thought he noticed. “Like what?”

“You go out of your way to pick up my mail, even when we both know you’re not expecting anything and you’re not going to Kadena that day.”

My face warmed. I definitely hadn’t thought he noticed that. “I’m… sometimes on Camp Shields.” That was right down the road from Kadena. White Beach, which was where I worked most of the time, was a good half hour away.

“We both do stuff around the apartment,” he went on. “Because we’re roommates. But I never expected you to do stuff for my cats besides, you know, be nice to them.”

“I like them,” I said softly. “I want them happy.”

And oh, God, when he smiled—yeah, he had to know that I knew making them happy also made him happy.

“I know you do,” he said. “But I never would have expected a roommate to buy them toys or keep them stocked on catnip. And I would never ask a roommate to buy them litter.”

“But… I mean… if I’m at the commissary, and I know we’re getting low, I—”

“I know,” he whispered. “But I still appreciate it. And you still don’t have to do it.”

Before I could insist that I would, Nolan found my mouth with his. The kiss startled me, but who was I to argue if he wanted to kiss me? Especially if he wanted to make out a little, which he apparently did. The conversation drifted away as we tangled up on the bed, lazily kissing while we slid our hands up and down each other’s bare backs. Some part of me tried to remember those difficult conversations we needed to have once we returned to Okinawa, but I wasn’t hearing it. Not now. I felt too damn good to think about why this wasn’t going to last.

I broke the kiss enough to breathlessly whisper, “Don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but you are an incredible kisser.”

His lips curved against mine. Then he treated me to even more of that amazing kiss of his. I didn’t know what it was he did differently, only that the way he dragged his lower lip across mine, and the way he gently explored my mouth with his tongue—it was all intoxicating.

And oh, hell, this wasn’t just lazy kissing anymore, either. Nolan pressed his hips against me, and the brush of his hard-on alongside mine had my head spinning. I couldn’t help pressing back, and in no time, we were frotting hungrily as we kissed hard and messy.

I broke the kiss and went for his throat, and he rewarded me with a low, needy moan.

“God, baby,” he murmured, dragging his nails up my back. “I want you to fuck me again.”

Goose bumps instantly sprang up all over my body at the mere thought of pushing into his tight ass again. “Yeah?”

“Please,” he whispered. “Fuck me?”

I came up to meet his gaze, and the fire in his eyes matched the plea in his voice. Good thing I’d already come earlier, or I might’ve gone off just from looking at him.

I licked my lips. “You’re not too sore? From earlier?”

Nolan shook his head. “I’m good. Maybe go slow?”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Not because I’m sore.” He tipped up my chin and kissed me. “I like it slow sometimes.”

Oh. Well. I could get onboard with that, because oh, yeah, I loved a good slow fuck.

I put on some lube, and after Nolan turned onto his stomach, I positioned myself over him. He didn’t need as much prep this time, but I still went carefully. A little fingering just to be sure (and to add some lube), then a few slow, shallow strokes until I was sure he was taking me easily.

And then…

Oh, God.

There was something not just pleasurable but gratifying about that first long, slow slide into him. When he’d relaxed enough that I could move fluidly inside him, and there was nothing to do now but find that perfect rhythm to drive us both out of our minds.

“Fuck, Nolan,” I whispered shakily as I withdrew slowly. Starting back in again, I shivered, and every curse I knew tumbled off my tongue.

“So good,” he breathed. “Holy…”

I closed my eyes and savored the long, slow slide in, then back out. It might’ve been because I hadn’t topped anyone in a long time until recently, so I was still just reveling in something I’d been missing.

I didn’t think it was that simple, though. Moving inside Nolan, making him moan and plead and gasp, especially knowing all the reasons why he’d been hesitant before—every stroke was like a victory. Like we’d beaten back enough of his demons—like I’d earned enough precious, hard-won trust—for him to take me easily and eagerly. Every time bliss registered on his face or in his voice, every time he shivered and begged me for more, the relief that went through me was seismic . Like the release of a powerful orgasm combined with the long exhale after a firefight was over. And I hadn’t even come yet.

“This good, baby?” I asked.

The answer to that was a soft whimper, and he white-knuckled the edge of the mattress as he rocked his hips in time with mine.

I kissed behind his ear, then purred, “Do you want to come like this? Or let me come in you and then blow you?”

Another whimper, this one a mix of arousal and frustration, as if he liked both options but couldn’t choose.

I thrust in a little harder, knocking more of those delicious sounds out of him. “I want you to come in my mouth,” I whispered in his ear. “After I come in you.”

“Y-yeah.” He arched under me and clenched around me. “Fuck, baby… Yeah. ”

I squeezed my eyes shut and drove into him harder, burying my face in his neck as I chased my orgasm. He egged me on with soft moans and those perfect rolls of his hips, and when I sank my teeth into his shoulder, he bucked so hard, I thought he came.

I sure as fuck did. His cry and how he tightened around me sent me right over the brink, and curses and nonsense poured out of my mouth as I rode him until I had nothing left.

Eyes still closed, I stopped, my dick all the way inside him and my whole body trembling. “Oh my God…”

“Fucking love that,” he said on a groan. “Love making you come.”

I moaned and kissed beside his neck again. “Now it’s my turn, isn’t it?” I paused. “Or did you come?”

He shivered. “N-no. Didn’t come. Not yet.” He squirmed a little beneath me. “But it’s not gonna take much.”

“Mmm, that’s what I love to hear.” I pulled out, and as soon as he was on his back, I went down on him. I pushed two fingers into his well-fucked hole, and he arched his back, thrusting into my mouth. He wasn’t kidding about being close—his dick was steel-hard, and I tasted pre-cum with every lick.

“Fuck, yeah,” he panted. “Yeah, you’re gonna make me come.”

I moaned around his dick, which only seemed to drive him further out of his mind. Perfect. Fingering him, stroking him, licking him for all I was worth, I let myself get high on his trembling and his moans and—as I got him close—his cries. When I knew he was right there, right on the edge, just about to come, I held him there until his pleas for release became a near sob, and then I hauled him over it, swallowing every drop as he thrust into my mouth and fucked himself on my hand.

I stopped when he shuddered and relaxed, and as soon as I’d lifted up, he grabbed me and pulled me into a deep kiss. That was so damn hot, how he loved the taste of himself on my tongue, and I kissed him as hard as I knew he wanted it until we both finally sighed and pulled apart.

“Goddamn,” he murmured. “I love when you suck me off, but when it’s right after you’ve fucked me…” He bit his swollen lip.

I grinned and kissed him lightly. “Any time you want me to fuck you and then blow you, say the word.”

He returned the grin and stole another soft kiss.

We got up long enough to clean ourselves up, then returned to the rumpled bed. As we settled in the middle of the mattress, though, an unspoken thought seemed to be clouding his mood.

“Hey.” I slid my bare foot up his shin. “You still here?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m…” He licked his lips. “Just, um… This isn’t too one-sided, is it? Like you’re not doing all the work?”

I blinked. “Baby, there is nothing one-sided about it. I love fucking you.” I tilted my head. “Is there something else you want to be doing?”

“Well, I mean, I do want to top. Eventually.” He didn’t quite look me in the eyes as he added, “ Maybe eventually, but it’s…”

“Okay. Okay, that’s fine.” I slid my hand over his forearm. “You don’t have to. We don’t even have to try to work up to it if it’s not something you want.”

“It is, though,” he whispered. “I… really want it. But…” He chewed his lip for a long, silent moment. Then, “The only times I’ve ever been on top, it was… not what I wanted.”

I froze. “Like, you weren’t into it? Or it…” I hesitated. “Or it wasn’t consensual?”

The flinch was answer enough.

My blood turned cold as I stared at him in horror.

He chanced a look at me, and something in my expression made him bristle. “Yes, it’s possible. Everyone thinks a guy can’t get it up if he’s—”

“No, no, it’s not that!” I showed my palms. “I believe you. Completely. I’m just… God, that’s fucked up, Nolan.”

He eyed me uncertainly.

“I believe you,” I repeated softly. “I just wasn’t expecting it. That’s all.” I’d expected something awful—known it was coming, really—but hadn’t been able to figure out what exactly had happened. I suspected I’d get this nauseating rush of horror every time he peeled back another layer of what that asshole neighbor had done to him.

I wanted to confirm that part, too—that it was Gordon, the creepy, crusty old dude from his parents’ party—but I wanted this to be on Nolan’s terms. Let him show the cards at his own pace, including the ones he didn’t realize he’d already shown.

Nolan studied me for a moment, and his hackles came down a little, as if he took me at my word that I really did believe him. And I didn’t take it personally that he’d thought I wouldn’t; I’d worked in law enforcement too long to be surprised when victims expected to be dismissed as liars.

“I believe you,” I said once more. “And to be clear, everything between us—I’m not in any hurry. I don’t want to rush anything. I wouldn’t anyway, but knowing something like that happened to you…”

He grimaced and broke eye contact.

I squeezed his hand. “If you decide you’re ready to be on top, say so. And if you’re not ready, that’s fine, too. Everything we’re doing—there’s nothing lacking. The last thing in the world I want is for you to feel like you have to do something.” I let go of his hand and caressed his cheek. “Especially when it’s something that has trauma tied to it.”

He flinched at the words, but not away from my touch.

“This is supposed to be fun,” I whispered. “For both of us. If it’s not, then…” I shook my head.

“It is,” he said just as quietly. “The things we do—I enjoy it a lot.”

“Okay. Then let’s leave it at that for now. If you’re ready to try topping, great. If not…” I gestured dismissively. “Then we don’t have to. End of discussion.”

Nolan studied me uncertainly. Slowly, he started to relax, and only when the tension started to unwind did I realize just how tense he’d been.

“Thanks,” he finally whispered. “I know it kind of sucks, not being able to—”

“Realizing someone hurt you?” I broke in. “Realizing someone got away with being a human trash fire to you? Yeah. That sucks. But this?” I gestured at him, then myself. “I don’t have any complaints about it.”

“I do,” he muttered. “I hate having it hanging over me all the fucking time. I want to just… enjoy sex, you know? It sucks that I can’t just shake it off and move on.”

“I bet. But don’t think this is, like, an inconvenience or an annoyance for me, okay? Because it isn’t. It’s like sleeping next to someone who has PTSD from the war—we both roll with it when it’s an issue, but it’s not going to chase me out of bed or make me not want to be there in the future.”

The disbelief in his eyes was heartbreaking. Maybe it was just as well he hadn’t pointed out—or at least confirmed—who’d been the one to hurt him. The last thing he needed was me catching a charge at his brother’s wedding because I decided to go vigilante boyfriend on someone.

But if that crusty old neighbor so much as looks at Nolan sideways, I might need bail money.

I didn’t say that, though. “You don’t have to tell me anything. But… if you ever want to, I’ll listen.”

Nolan met my eyes, and a soft, tired smile spread across his lips. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

I hoped he did.

We met Sophia and her entourage at the strip club in downtown Seattle. It looked completely different from the one we’d gone to last night, and yet it was clearly the same type of establishment. Top shelf liquor backlit by bright lights. Walls painted black. Servers and bartenders without shirts—all male this time. Bead curtains and black lights. The booths didn’t have poles set up for dancers, and there was one main stage at the front of the room, but it still had the typical strip club vibe.

We weren’t the only bachelorette group there, either. Another bride came in wearing a veil covered in plastic penises, and Sophia wagged a finger at her own girls. “Don’t any of you even think about it!”

“What?” Leann smiled innocently. “We’d never make you wear a bunch of dicks!”

Sophia cocked a brow.

Turned out she was right to be suspicious. Leann and Carly opened their bags and pulled out handfuls of Mardis Gras beads, though the beads were shaped like tiny penises. They draped them over Sophia’s neck as she groaned and muttered, “Oh my God, I hate you guys.”

The coup de grace was a gaudy tiara with what I thought was an actual tiny dildo glued to the front. Sophia glared at it, but then rolled her eyes and let Leann put it on her head.

The girls all put on the beads too, and they turned to us.

“What about you boys?” Carly jingled a few strands in the air. “You going to wear some?”

“Uh…” I turned to Nolan.

Before he could respond, Leann tossed a handful of them at him, which he caught, and she said, “Oh, play along, Gumby! Put them on!”

Real anger flashed in Nolan’s eyes, but he schooled his expression, handed me some of the beads, and put the rest on.

As I put my own on, my heart still thumped against my ribs. I leaned toward him. “You good?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He glared at Leann’s back as she adjusted Sophia’s dildo tiara. “Just hate that goddamned nickname.”

I glanced between him and her. “But she won’t stop using it?”

He muttered something I didn’t catch followed by, “Do you want a drink before the show starts?”

I pressed my lips together, recognizing the obvious subject change. Well, I could ask about his irritation with the nickname later; this wasn’t the time or place to hash it out. “I’ll stick with Coke. Since we’re supposed to be the responsible adults tonight.”

Nolan cocked a brow. “You sure? Because we’re probably good as long as one of us stays sober. If you want a drink…” He nodded toward one of the bars.

I wasn’t at all surprised he wasn’t planning on drinking tonight. I just wasn’t sure if I was imagining that it was less about being the responsible adult and more about protecting himself.

Maybe I was reading between lines that weren’t there. That was another one of those things cops learned—that when you were nosing around for information, it was really easy to see something that wasn’t there. Red herrings and wild goose chases and all that. I was so curious about Nolan’s dark past that I probably could have hallucinated a clue in the way he’d tied his shoes or which shirt he’d decided to wear tonight.

I cleared my throat and shrugged. “I’m good. Two mornings in a row with a hangover doesn’t sound appealing.”

That got an actual laugh out of him, which sent relief through me; he’d bought it, and he didn’t push the issue. We ordered a couple of Cokes, then took our seats with the girls at the booth.

Everything started off uneventfully enough. Nolan sat on the end of the horseshoe-shaped bench with me to his left, and to my left was Carly. Then there was another bridesmaid, Tina, followed by Leann, with Sophia on the end. Having three people between him and Leann seemed to settle Nolan down a little, though it didn’t stop her from throwing snide comments at him across the table. Fortunately, the club was loud enough that most of it was drowned out. He was steadfastly focusing on the stage and ignoring her, so he might’ve missed her comments and dirty looks.

A couple of times, her gaze landed on me, and the dirty look would morph into an expression I couldn’t quite define. A little disgust, maybe? Jealousy? Or just plain old derision? It was hard to tell, and the more she drank, the uglier her attitude became, to the point Sophia and the other bridesmaids were clearly getting annoyed too.

I sipped my Coke and watched Tina chastising Leann for some remark I hadn’t heard. Leann was just laughing and brushing it off, and when she gestured wildly, she nearly unloaded her drink on Tina.

As Leann started talking to Sophia about something, Tina and Carly exchanged looks so caustic, I was surprised the paint didn’t start peeling off the walls.

Shit. Maybe Matt had asked us along because he knew his fiancée’s matron of honor turned into a hardcore mean girl when she was drunk. Maybe he was less worried about guys giving the women a hard time, and more worried a physical fight might break out between the bridesmaids.

Well, damn. The wedding reception was going to be interesting, wasn’t it?

I tore my attention away from the bride and bridesmaids and watched the man onstage. He’d come out in a cop uniform, which he’d promptly torn away, revealing a G-string with a shiny badge on the front. As dancer gyrated for the screaming audience, I leaned closer to Nolan and whispered, “Should I put my badge on my skivvies and dance for—”

He barked a laugh and turned to me, eyes full of mischief. “I’m sure we could find you a G-string.”

I chuckled, and I slid my hand over his thigh as I stole a kiss. We exchanged grins and turned our attention back to the show, my hand still on Nolan’s leg. After a moment, he put his hand over the top of mine. I thought he might draw it higher so I could feel up his crotch, but he kept it where it was, as if he liked the affectionate contact.

I sure did.

The show ended, and much like last night’s club, the strippers went around for lap dances at tables. Some people disappeared into the back for private dances.

Leann and Sophia left to the ladies’ room, and Carly and Tina asked us if we wanted any drinks before they headed up to the bar. For a few minutes at least, Nolan and I had the booth to ourselves.

He sat back against the bench and exhaled. “I don’t know how people do this shit every night.”

“Who’s going to strip clubs every night?”

“I meant like going to clubs at all.” He gestured around us. “All the noise and lights and…” He shook his head and pushed out a breath. “I’m pretty sure I was into it when I first enlisted, but now…”

“Yeah. Same.” I wrinkled my nose. “Aw, fuck. Does that mean we’re getting old?”

“Probably. But you’re on the homestretch to retirement, so I think you’re past getting old.”

I elbowed him. “Shut up. You’re only two years behind me.”

“That’s half an enlistment!” he said with a grin. “That’s a long time!”

I groaned and elbowed him again. “You know what? Fuck you.”

With a wicked grin, he winked. “Maybe when we get back to the hotel.”

“Oh yeah?”

Still grinning, he shrugged.

“Tease,” I muttered.

“Nah.” He leaned in for a light kiss. “Teases don’t deliver.”

Goddammit. Was it time to leave yet?

No, of course it wasn’t. There were two shows tonight, and the ladies had said they wanted to hit up a different club before we called it a night.

Fuck me. I really was getting too old for this.

Or too horny for the man sitting beside me. One of the two.

Would anyone notice if we dipped out to the men’s room or something? Hell, I wasn’t above sucking dick in an alley if the situation arose, and if Nolan kept teasing me, that situation would arise. And we still had like half an hour before the next show, so we could always ask a bouncer to keep an eye on the ladies while we stepped out for the ten minutes or less we’d need to keep ourselves from bursting into flames, and—

“I’m telling you,” Leann’s voice broke through the noise and my thoughts as she and Sophia returned. “Your grandma is going to dance her legs off at the reception!”

Sophia laughed. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Leann slid onto the bench first, followed by Sophia. Beside me, Nolan stiffened, and when I turned to him, all his flirtation and good humor were gone. He’d fixed his attention elsewhere. Watching one of the dancers giving a woman a lap dance a few booths away as her friends laughed raucously.

I glanced at Leann and Sophia, who were still giggling and chatting. Then back at Nolan. His jaw worked and his blue eyes had turned icy.

Jesus. And there was no tactful way for me to suggest that Leann switch with Sophia. I didn’t know how much that would help anyway; some space between Leann and Nolan was ideal, but it wouldn’t completely solve the problem.

I was halfway through a thought involving Nolan and me going to one of the bars to order food when a dancer came by the table, clearly looking for lap dance clients. Leann squealed and gestured wildly at Sophia, who was now trapped in the booth since Carly and Tina had returned.

“It’s her bachelorette!” Leann announced. “She needs a dance!”

The dancer grinned and looked at Sophia, but Sophia shook her head. “I’d rather… I mean, it’s just not my…” She was blushing bright, and the dancer took the hint.

He moved on from the table, and Sophia wasn’t the only one to breathe a sigh of relief. Beside me, Nolan relaxed minutely.

“Oh wait, come back!” Leann called after the dancer, but he’d moved on. She huffed, and then she was suddenly right beside me on the bench. “What about you? Aren’t you going to get a dance?”

“Me? Oh, I…” I laughed with unexpected nerves and shook my head. “No. I’m good.”

“What? Come on.” She put a hand on my chest. “It would be fun for—”

A tattooed arm shot in front of me and snatched her wrist, yanking her hand off me.

I jumped back, pressing into the bench, and stared wide-eyed at Nolan. Anger tightened his features, and his eyes flashed with fury that made me want to pull even farther back, though that anger clearly wasn’t directed at me. He and Leann glared across me at each other, her hand hovering in the air with his fingers still firmly around her wrist. He’d backed my father down with an icy look, but there was pure rage in his eyes this time.

“Don’t touch me,” Leann snapped.

“Don’t touch my boyfriend,” he countered through clenched teeth.

She gave a sharp, haughty laugh. “For God’s sake. Lighten up, Gumby .”

His jaw was already clenched, but the nickname seemed to make him clench it even harder. When he spoke, his voice was a low growl I’d never heard before. “Back the fuck off, Leann.”

She stared at him in surprise, but then wrenched her wrist away. Grabbing her drink, she smirked at him. “It’s a party, asshole. Fucking relax.”

I didn’t think it was possible, but the anger in him intensified; I was genuinely surprised a vein didn’t start pulsing in his neck or forehead.

I touched his arm. “Hey. You good?”

He looked at me, and immediately, his expression and posture softened. “I’m good. You?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.”

He nodded, flicked his eyes toward his sister-in-law, and then shifted his attention back to the stage where the show would be beginning soon.

Sitting between them, I tried to be subtle about catching my breath. I tried not to let it show that my stomach was somersaulting and my heart was pounding.

I’d been intensely curious about why she’d called him Gumby. Even more curious about why it irritated him so much. This was clearly not the time or place to ask about it, though.

But after that unnerving interaction, I was starting to think it was more than an irritating nickname.

I let my gaze slide toward Leann, who was now bantering about something with Sophia. Then I slid it back to Nolan, and I watched as his jaw worked and his eyes threatened to burn holes in whatever he was looking at.

Slowly pushing out a breath, I tried to calm down.

But that was easier said than done with all these alarm bells going off in my head.