Page 86 of Isolation

My eyes land on Milo’s semi-hard cock. He just finished but I shouldn’t be surprised. This man always walks around with a hard on when I am around.

I trail my hand down his stomach when Milo breaks the spell. “Baby, you are shaking.”

Seriously? I can’t help a physiological reaction. Did he have to ruin the moment?

“I get cold easily,” I say in a mildly irritated tone. “My shaking never stopped you before. Why is it such a problem now?” I immediately snap my mouth shut.

Fuck. Those words just slipped out. I shouldn't have said it.

I know thatMilo is trying to change. Despite my previous beliefs and against all odds, hehaschanged.

I am just frustrated at the situation. How are we supposed to move forward if I can’t stop reacting to him, and if he won’t stop noticing it?

Something has to give.

Milo ignores my tone but I feel his irritation creeping up as well. He stands from the bed.

“I’ll go adjust the heat,” he says coolly.A few minutes pass before I watch him move to adjust the heat and fall back on the bed.

The last fews weeks have been magical. Last night was beautiful. Today has been wonderful thus far.

But right now, it's fucking tense again. It’s silly to let this ruin the moment.

“I am sorry,” I say quietly. “I didn’t mean to snap. I am frustrated at myself for reacting this way. It’s not intentional.”

Milo closes his eyes. “I know.” He wants to say more, but he is controlling himself. “There is something I have been meaning to ask you,” he finally spits it out.

Keeping my eyes locked on him, I nod. “Sure.”

Milo draws lines on my arm with his fingers.“What exactly were your feelings for me back then?”There is not a hint of amusement on his face with that question, just a stoic expression.

I am pretty sure I know what he is referring to, but I still clarify. “Do you mean when we first started sleeping together?”

Milo gives me a small nod, his eyes intense as ever.

I contemplate for a few minutes on how to verbalize my feelings. “I-I don’t know,” I admit hesitantly. I make it worse when I add, “I think the imbalance of the power dynamic in our relationship didn’t leave room to view you as a romantic partner.”

It’s not that Milo was able to dominate the relationship because he was a man. It wasn’t about gender. Age wasn't the problem either. I dated older men before Milo.

The problem was that one party held significantly more power while the other was a minor and legally under his protection.

When Milo doesn’t respond, I start to babble nervously. “It was already difficult for me to process romantic feelings. All I witnessed were broken relationships that stemmed from romance. My only definition of love became friendship and family. I guess you could say I put all of my eggs in that basket, and my heart simply wasn’t open to entertain any other types of love.”

I look at Milo, hoping that my long explanation is sufficient. Yes, I was attracted to Milo back then, but we were in such different points of our lives.

I often find myself wishing that Milo waited for me, and expressed his interest later in our lives instead of leading with a sexual relationship.

It's a pointless thought. We can't change the past, but I still wonder how different our lives could have been if he had just waited.

It was simply not our timeback then.

The truth is, the right guy at the wrong time, is still the wrong guy.

Milo simply frowns. “Friendship type of love? Is that why you agreed to be in a relationship with Reid?”

Ay vey. This is another difficult conversation. I can tell that his mood is quickly shifting.

“Reid was there for me during some difficult times,” I explain calmly. “For the longest time, Mia and Reid felt like my only family. When he presented some logical aruments about how a progression between us could be for the better, I couldn’t decline."