Page 163 of Isolation

My heart is breaking in so many pieces right now. My heart is breaking because her heart is breaking.

That’s what happens when you share one heart.

And that’s when it slaps me right in the face.

The epic conclusion of my feelings.

It's the reason why I brought up the topic of Milo. I needed to know why they wanted each other.

It’s like being stabbed in the chest as the realization courses through me. The one I locked in a coffin.

It’s something I already admitted to myself somewhere deep down but couldn’t get myself to acknowledge.

I am still madly in love with that emotionally damaged, frustratingly proud, overtly analytical, crazy female.

She is fucking crazy!

She is. She really is fucking crazy.

And I still fucking love her.

Could Raven ever feel that way about me?That’s the first thing that pops into my head.

Even if Raven did ever want me, could I ever get over what happened between her and Milo?

Does Raven still have feelings for Milo?

I don’t know.

I don’t know the answers to these questions.

All I do know is that I still love her. I am so in love with her that my next breath is impossible without her. I am so in love with her that every pain she feels, I feel ten folds more.

I can’t think straight.

My body is immobile but it doesn’t matter. I have to will myself to move because nothing is going to stop me from being by her side right now.

Not even my immobile body.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I rush upstairs. I search room by room for her. Finally, I find her crouched on the floor unpacking her luggage in the bedroom she selected.

“You are not toxic,” I say from the door frame.

“Oh, hey stud,” Raven looks up.

“You are not toxic,” I repeat.

“Actually, I am,” Raven whispers. “It’s obvious.”

“No. You are not,” I reiterate. “I was seventeen and a dumb kid when I said those things. I expected you to make all of your life decisions around me. It was an unfair expectation. I was angry and I said horrible things to you. I wish I could take it back. The truth is, you are the only one who made our family whole again.I just wanted to know why him because he was the one person I told you not to pursue. "

Raven looks up at me, and stares for a few minutes. “I was seventeen and a dumb kid,” she finally responds.

“You can’t use my own words against me Rave.”

“It’s the truth. I was young. I didn’t know any better. I got attention from an older man and I took it.”

“Raven, do you expect me to believe that? You have always been the most mature person in our group.”