Page 70 of Isolation

I can’t look away. I am watching her, watch me. It’s like she can see that I am filled to the brim with flaws, but despite that I am still her:

Whole.

Damn.

World.

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Raven

What the fuck is happening? Why are we just dumbfoundedly staring at each other?

I can’t even breathe under this intensity. I am in some sort of fog where all I can see is him.

For days, all I have been able to see is him. Even with even ten people living in this house it feels like we are the only two people, not only in this house but on the whole damn planet. It's like he is my:

Whole.

Fucking.

World.

Fuck. Me. When did this happen?

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Milo

The sudden shift in energy is palpable in the air. Raven’s breathing pattern is different. My own heart is pounding in my chest.

Raven is nervously fidgeting by her door, looking at me with thatlookthat’s about to burst my ribcage open. She is… waiting. It’s the universal end of the nightkiss mesign.

This is the first time Raven is giving me an opening. I want this more than I want oxygen but my sight has to remain on the end goal; Raven’s unconditional love.That’s what I have always craved. To bethatloved by another human being who doesn’t need acknowledgment of their devotion. It’s intoxicating.

For the longest time I thought I had it. The moment I realized that I didn’t, I lost it.

I have been trying to reach it ever since, but it has always stayed right out of the cusp of my fingertips where I can’t ever get to it.

Now that it’s so fucking close again, I can’t risk losing it forever due to a momentary relapse.

I have been doing a lot of research on trauma and the after-affects of it. Her shaking, her shuddering, her sudden reactive responses, all indicates trauma.

Despite all of the therapists I have spoken to so far, it’s clear that there isn’t much I can do unless she agrees to talk about it. Ithasto be her choice, and Raven refuses to divulge any more information on the topic.

My guess? This is about the night before she left for Paris.

Raven doesn’t believe me when I tell her that I love her, but she never once questioned Reid or Mia’s devotion. Raven would have never given up their unconditional love, the thing she desires most in this world, unless it was truly her tipping point.

Something shut down in Raven that night, especially in the way she looks at me. It has been different ever since that night.

Even now, Raven is looking at me with lust, but it’s still mixed with anxiety. It’s an automatic response to someone who subconsciously terrifies her.

At times, she is fine in my company. She is okay with me touching her and holding her hand. She cuddles up on my chest when we are close.

At other times, I am walking on eggshells due to her absentminded reactions.

I force her to eat every meal with me, but her weight loss has been noticed by even our most distracted family members. They have also noticed the dark circles under her eyes.