Page 74 of Isolation

But the current situation might change my mind.

Is this the universe’s way of telling me that there in fact is a God, and he is currently punishing me for my sins and my Atheistic approach to life?

The amount of control this situation is requiring is more than ever before. This is the most skin Raven has shown in weeks, and the timing could not have been worse.

We are in an empty apartment. No fucking family members. No friends. No buffers. Everything is so sexual that it’s just maddening at this point.

And she isnothelping the situation with her lusted-out looks. If I didn’t pick up on Raven’s other reactions, I would have fucked the living daylights out of her by now.

But I do see it. I come out of the bathroom to find Raven eye-fucking me. Yet, all of her trepidation still remains. The sudden chills. Her gulps. I bet her heartbeat is rapid too. Her body seems to be in constant fight or flight mode.

If she is so fucking terrified of me that she starts shaking as a reflex, then why the fuck is she looking at me that way? Does she not even realize the adverse affects I have on her?

This is insane.

It’s like the prey looking at the predator wantonly.

Every impulse in my body is screaming for my cock to be inside her already. I need to feel her pulsing around me. I need it so bad that everything is goddamn blurry and hazy at this point.

Ignoring these impulses till our clothes are washed and dry seems like an impossible task. I keep telling myself that I can control myself.

Of course, I can.

Maybe.

Probably not.

There is no one around. My own depraved thoughts are scaring me. How must she feel?

If anyone else ever did what I did to her, I would have killed them by now. It’s not a joke.

I went to Paris multiple times over the years to beat up the men she had slept with.

None of those men had forced her. It was her choice, but I still beat the shit out of them, convinced that no one else has the right to touch her whether it's her choice or not.

After all the shit that has happened between us, and despite Raven’s trauma that I caused myself, I still feel that she is mine. No one else is allowed to touch her, or even think about her.

Yes. I understand my hypocrisy. I just don't fucking care.

My eyes keep landing on the hem of my shirt that she is wearing, which is revealing too much of her legs. I trail my eyes to catch sight of her cleavage despite the damn bra she put on.

No one should be this enticing. She is the reason why the word temptation was created. Because that’s what she is, fucking temptation served on a platter. Hazel eyes. Perfect tits. Porcelain skin. A stupid shirt that barely reaches her thighs.

This is absurd.

It’s fucking torment to want something this much and not be able to act on it.

I need air.

I get up from my chair and walk barefoot to the terrace, without providing Raven with an explanation.

I don’t trust myself around her. The reality is I will probably lose control again at some point. I can’t be around her and not be with her in the way every instinct in my body craves.

No one has ever felt this way around a girl, nor should they. She is the only thing that makes me feel like a person. A real person with a real soul.

It's true.

She came back and she restored my soul. Every single thing I haven’t felt since she left, I felt again upon her return. It’s a change that has immediately been noticed by everyone in my vicinity.