Page 146 of Isolation

Sprawled out in the middle of the bed is Raven.On top of her is a naked Milo, fucking her like it’s his last day on earth.

I always knew that Raven didn’t want me. My feelings for her were only ever met with rejection. She always chose other men and for years I wondered how I’d ever get over her.

Wanna know the trick to getting over the love of your life?

Just watch her fuck your brother’s brains out and it will kill all feelings inside of you that could ever resemble anything close to love.

My insides are so numb right now that there is nothing called feelings. And love is a feeling.

Problem solved!

In the back of my disgustingly optimistic mind, I had hoped that it would somehow work out between us. One day, when we are adults, Raven would wake up and realize that her best friend was actually the love of her life. Like in one of those chick flicks.

But this scene in front of me changed all of those hopes. All of those possibilities and optimism is now gone. Tarnished.

Raven fucked my brother. There could never be an “us” after that. She sealed the deal.

I should look away.

I should close this door.

But I don’t.

I watch them. I imprint the image in my mind. I am taking mental photos. Fuck that. I am taking a mental video.

If my dumbfuck of a mind was to ever even think of her that way, like the girl I loved, I will reach inside and bring this memory up.

I will remind my brain of these images in front of me; of Milo climaxing inside of Raven as he holds her close. These images will shut down anything inside of me like it’s doing right now.

In a way it’s good that this happened. I gave Raven every ounce of my heart, and watching her fuck my brother snapped all of that out of me.

I am finally free of her love. Since there are no feelings inside of me anymore, now we can actually be friends.

I am not angry. I am not even jealous. For the first time in seventeen years, I feel nothing.

I am completely dead on the inside. My heart is hollow. Empty. Blank. It’s just nothingness.

And it’s fucking beautiful.

This is what I needed. This dose of reality.

I always thought my love for her was unconditional.

It was not.

This was apparently the one condition in my unconditional love. I didn’t realize it but it’s the one string Raven could have pulled to kill my love, and she did it.

She pulled the trigger.

I slowly shut the door and start walking downstairs. As I take the last step, I almost run into Juli/July/Jules.

“There you are,” she smiles. “I was looking for you. Ready to head out or did you want to stay here longer?”

“No, let’s go. I am done!”

And for the first time in my life I truly mean it.

I am so done.