Page 66 of I Love You, I Hate You
One by one, the screens turned from black to grey, her friend’s faces materializing on them. Like she had said, Reiko had a giant cup of coffee covering half her monitor and her hair was up in a messy bun, but she was smiling. Maddy’s blonde hair was frizzed out to the sides and she was squirming excitedly in her seat, while Kara was just grinning broadly at her, eyes shining. All three squealed with happiness when her picture unfroze.
“I knew you’d be hot!” Maddy yelled over the rest of the noise.
Tears rose to her eyes. “I’m sorry I was so weird,” she said, half laughing, half crying. “And for the record . . . my name is Victoria.”
“Victoria!” said Kara. “That’s lovely. And Maddy’s right, you’re very pretty.”
“So what spurred this on?” Reiko asked.
“Some shit went down with, uh, well . . . I guess I have to start at the beginning,” she said.
It took longer than she thought it would, given that they all knew about both Luke and Owen, but it was hard for her to admit it all, and even more so to do it sort-of-in-person. She felt raw and open, but her friends just listened sympathetically.
She took a deep, shuddering breath as she neared the end of the story. “So basically, he thought I knew, and the other night we hooked up and he was under the impression everything was all clear between us but it wasn’t, and now I feel . . . gross.”
“Like he took advantage of you?” Reiko asked.
“No, more like . . . the playing field was uneven. And it makes me feel vulnerable.”
“Ah. Yeah, that feeling sucks,” Maddy chimed in.
“How do you get over it?”
“You don’t. You find someone who makes it okay to feel that way.” Reiko flicked her gaze over towards one of her boyfriend’s boxes, and Victoria’s heart curled in on itself. “If Luke-Owen doesn’t make you feel safe like that, he’s not worth it, no matter how much fun we found him on Twitter.”
Victoria blinked back sudden tears. “I don’t know. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. But it’s all so sudden, and I just—I don’t know. It hurts.”
Her screen erupted in a chorus ofoh honeysand Reiko seemed to be leaning forward like she wanted to hug her. “Then let it hurt,” Kara said. “Embrace that, for as long as you need. We’ll be here for you.”
“Even though I wasn’t honest?”
Maddy made a face. “You were, though. You told us everything except your name, and we knew it wasn’t your name.”
“But I feel weird. Like I lied to you.”
“Even if that’s how you feel, we still love you,” Reiko said. “Right, ladies?”
“Right,” they chorused.
“I’m sorry I was such a weirdo about my name and face,” Victoria said through tears. “You guys still love me? Really?”
The unanimous and fierceof coursewas enough to make her smile tremulously but genuinely for the first time all day.
Chapter Twenty-five
It was astonishing how comforting it was to watch her mother make dinner, even in her own apartment. Victoria sat on the kitchen stool with her arms folded against the counter while Kimmy pulled the hot dogs out of the microwave with a critical eye. “I think these are done, yeah?” she asked, holding them out.
“They just need to be hot, you know,” Victoria teased. “There’s basically no cooking involved with those.”
Kimmy rolled her eyes. “Did you want me to cook for you or did you want to be a brat?”
“Sorry, Mom.” Victoria grinned.
Kimmy stirred the pot on the stove and sighed. “I really didn’t feed you enough vegetables when you were little, did I?”
“You did your best. It’s not like I was malnourished.”
Kimmy poured the noodles into the strainer and then expertly transferred them back to the pot. “You going to tell me about the boy who broke your heart, or do I just have to pretend that’s not happening?”