Page 44 of I Love You, I Hate You
@Noraephronwasagenius
Sorry for being so quiet lately, but not much is really new with me, you know?
@Lukethebarnyardcat
Yeah same
Chapter Seventeen
Victoria never cried at work. Never. Sometimes she got angry enough that tears would well in her eyes, but she knew that the second she showed that level of weakness, it was all over for her. She’d long ago learned to keep it locked away, and when tears threatened she would do simple math in her head until the urge faded. But no amount offour plus five equals nine, nine plus seven equals sixteen, sixteen minus twelve equals fourcould keep this torrent at bay. She made it through her report to Gerald—he was furious with her, as she expected—in one piece before she locked her office door and let herself sob, partly out of fury and partly out of pure, unadulterated heartache. Gerald’s dressing-down was bad enough, but on top of that she felt . . . stupid. Used. Blinded by her dumb feelings for someone who clearly didn’t care about her, and even worse, she felt bad for yelling at him. She would go to her grave remembering the look on Owen’s face when she called him pathetic, and his own insults rang in her ears. She wasn’t heartless, he just didn’t know her. She wasn’t obsessed with money, she had grown up poor, something someone as rich as him could never comprehend. She didn’t do this job out of greed; she did it out of pure necessity. She was dedicated because she believed in giving her client 110 percent of her effort, even if that client was a piece-of-shit company that worked overtime to keep its employees below the poverty line. She couldn’t help everyone, but she could help her mother, and this was how she would achieve that.
Mascara ran down her cheeks and her nose dripped, sobs wrenching her chest. She reached for a tissue and pulled out her phone, deciding that desperate times called for desperate measures. She’d break her rule about personal conversations on company time, because right now she was in crisis and there was only one person who would understand. Luke would never accuse her of being cold and unfeeling. He would support her no matter what, and she abruptly felt silly for neglecting her friendship with him while she was distracting herself with bad choices named Owen. She’d been such a coward, hiding from Luke when he was the exact sort of understanding, caring man she wanted.
It was time to fix that.
@Noraephronwasagenius
This is going to be completely out of the blue and I apologize, but promise you’ll hear me out.
I have a confession to make: I don’t live in Chicago. I honestly can’t even remember if you ever straight out asked or I just implied it, but I have this weird thing about internet privacy and I don’t reveal my actual location. I’ve never had a bad experience or been stalked or anything, I’m just happier if I keep some things to myself. And I have never lied about anything else—not my feelings, not my past, not my job. I keep things vague sometimes, but I have never, ever lied to you and I wouldn’t.
I live in the Twin Cities. Minneapolis, to be exact, and I think you (and Cat-Luke) might live here too. I don’t know what you do, exactly, but I’m a lawyer and I suspect you might be one too. Which means maybe we’ve met in person? I don’t know, I feel like I would know if I met you, because well, you’re you. I know everything about you and you know everything about me, but I was sitting here today thinking and it’s just wild that we’ve never (officially, to our knowledge) met in person. And I know that’s almost entirely due to me and my hang-ups, and you’ve been so awesome and understanding and that’s why I think it’s time.
Victoria took a shaky breath, her hands clammy and her armpits sweating like crazy. There was officially no going back now.
@Noraephronwasagenius
We should meet. In person. Maybe a date? If you live nearby, I mean. I don’t know if you’d be into that, and maybe we should wait and see how things turn out after we meet in person, but fuck it. You’re my best friend and even though I’ve never seen you, I think I have feelings for you. Real ones. And I think we owe it to ourselves to give it a shot, assuming you feel the same way. (And I think you do? Oh god if I’m wrong I am going to die of humiliation, but please do not agree to this out of pity. I’m a big girl who can handle rejection just like anyone else; with copious amounts of alcohol and poor decision making. And now I’m rambling so please put me out of my misery.)
If I haven’t driven you away yet, here’s my proposition. We could do things the millennial way and just exchange selfies and Facebook information so we can sufficiently stalk each other before meeting, but why do things the easy way? I’ll be at the coffee shop on the corner of Washington and Fourth downtown on Friday at 7 p.m. Hell, I’ll even have a pink rose sitting out on the table so you’ll know it’s me. Meet me there?
PS and for fuck’s sake, if Friday at 7 doesn’t work for you but some other time DOES, please tell me and we can rearrange things. I’m dramatic, not delusional, and I know you probably have a schedule and plans and all that shit.
And if you don’t want to do this, uh, sorry for vomiting all of this on you. I will do my best to resume my chill, I promise.
She wiped her face and tried to steady her racing heart. Now there was nothing to do but wait.
Sincerely Your Bitches
@Noraephronwasagenius
I did something reckless.
Very reckless.
Someone sedate me.
I swear to god one of you assholes had better be awake.
@Keanuisadreamboat
Oh honey what’s wrong?
@Noraephronwasagenius
Okay so you know how I pretend to be from Chicago on the internet?
@Keanuisadreamboat