Page 55 of I Love You, I Hate You
@Neverthelesskararesisted
Fuck Buddy?
Also girl I know you’re tight about privacy but giving some actual first names would be helpful for your friends.
@Noraephronwasagenius
Yeah, it’s fuck buddy. Long story short, I got mad at him for some shit. Some of it was his fault and some of it wasn’t, and I didn’t react super well to either, in the first instance because I was feeling like I’d fucked up and in the second because I had literally just been rejected by Luke. Like, only hours before.
@Neverthelesskararesisted
And an apology is out of the question why?
@Noraephronwasagenius
Because I hate apologizing? Lol, but really, I do, and he makes me all discombobulated.
There’s also the fact that he might have recommended me for a job? Like, I would kill for this job, except the pay just isn’t quite what I need it to be, but he wouldn’t know that. But they said I come highly recommended, and I was checking out their website and he’s like all over it. Looks like he goes to a lot of their fundraisers and is buddy-buddy with the board.
So now I’m in the weird position of having been a massive dick to him and knowing he did something super nice for me AFTER that, and I have to apologize and my ego straight up can’t take it.
@Neverthelesskararesisted
You know you literally answered your question, right? Like, just fucking text him. Say “Wow I was a dick and thanks for the job rec.” And then when you’re done with that, you and me are going to have a discussion about your financial anxiety, because I know it comes from a very real place but it sounds like your job is killing your soul. I grew up poor too, so I get it, but I think you’re putting some undue pressure on yourself.
Victoria’s frown deepened, but she knew Kara had a point. That job at Reproductive Justice was so perfect for her, and it wouldn’t come with Gerald making her feel like an idiot every time she poked her head out of her office these days. Things had been tense at Smorgasbord ever since the case shifted to litigation, and she had been reassigned to a lower priority case almost immediately. It wasn’t quite a demotion, but it was a crystal-clear warning. She was on thin ice with them, and one more screwup could mean her job.
The problem was, she didn’t really care that much. All she cared about was the paycheck, so she’d already started looking into other jobs that paid the same. Cassie’s firm might have an opening, even though that would mean going to billable hours and entering the endless, soul-sucking race to be partner. It was just as crappy as her job, but maybe she would hate herself a little less. She’d be more removed from the worst of it, at least, because if she worked for a big firm she would be working for people who were hired to make rich white men and corporations money, as opposed to working for the corporation itself.
The Reproductive Justice job would require giving up the dream of buying Kimmy a house, and even though Victoria knew her mother would never, ever ask her to trade her happiness for something like that, it was Victoria’s dream. She had vowed to buy that damn house when she was only thirteen, and she had spent half her life working towards that goal. Giving up would be surrender, and she flat-out refused to do that.
And apologizing to Owen also felt like a bridge too far, if only because her feeble attempts at vulnerability kept blowing up in her face. She felt too brittle, too fragile, and if this one exploded on her, she wasn’t sure how she would ever get the courage to try it again. Maybe it was just better to let herself heal for the time being, and apologize later. It would be cowardly, just like she accused him of being, but maybe better late than never.
She returned her attention to Twitter and thanked Kara for her advice, changing the topic to Kara’s pug, better known as her baby and the cutest dog in the universe. While Kara DMed her pictures of Teddy she announced she wouldn’t be picking a fight tonight but rather live-tweeting a cheesy looking Hallmark movie, and settled more comfortably into her couch. She would apologize to Owen.
Eventually.
Chapter Twenty-one
“Now, no parties,” Ashley admonished. Their luggage was piled near the door and Charles was trying to coax Lily into her jacket while Olivia was sitting cross-legged on the ground, Luke clambering all over her.
“You mean like the time Taylor’s parents went to Cabo and someone broke their pool table?”
“Yes, exactly like that,” Ashley laughed.
Charles smothered a smile and pushed himself off the floor, picking up Lily as he went. She clung to his neck and Owen blinked, looking away. It was strange to see his father genuinely parenting. There was a pang of loss that went with it, but it wasn’t overwhelming. He was glad his dad was getting a second chance with the girls, if only because the girls deserved that.
“You know, sometimes I wish I didn’t know stuff like that,” Charles said genially.
Owen bit back his usual poisonous retort and let Ashley handle it. “That’s what you get for marrying your son’s classmate,” she teased gently, and then tugged on Olivia’s braid. “Come on, kiddo. If you get into the car you can watch part ofMoanabefore we get to the airport.” That got Olivia off the ground, much to Luke’s dismay, and Owen scooped him up to keep him from trying to hitch a ride on one of the suitcases. “Come on, Son of Skywalker, just you and me this weekend,” he crooned, and caught his father’s eye. Charles wasn’t a fan of pets, but he wasn’t making the expected snarky comment.
He’s trying, Owen reminded himself.He’s trying, and that might not fix anything in the past but it counts for something if I want it to.And truth be told, he did want it to count for something. Knowing his father could change, even slightly, meant something. Owen was enough of a softie to root for him, however distantly.
“Thanks for watching the house,” Charles said. He hitched Lily a little higher on his hip and made steady eye contact. “It’s a big help.”
It was an excuse, is what it was. Ashley and Charles had groundskeepers who could let themselves in to water the plants, and their security system was probably more reliable than Owen sleeping like a rock in the third guest room. But Ashley asked him to come watch the house while they took a trip to Sanibel Island for a week, and Owen knew this was Ashley’s attempt at nudging him and his father towards a reconciliation. It meant seeing him today and the day they returned, so hardly a massive time investment, but that was more than he had committed to in years.
“It’s no trouble,” he assured his father. “Thanks for letting me bring the kitty.”