Page 24 of Hold ‘Em Tight (Solidarity Academy #4)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

A s I'm leaving campus, I see Teo, and it’s like I have been hit by a truck.

If only. Wishful thinking, right? No. I can’t think about that. I have a little girl coming soon who needs me.

He’s walking toward the science wing and doesn’t see me watching him.

He looks good, even with a scowl on his face as he pushes past a crowd of freshmen. Fuck, I miss him so much. I miss them all, but my heart aches to just run over to him and have him hold me.

I’m falling apart. It’s getting harder every day to fake that I am okay. Missi and I can’t even be in the same room together without fighting about the baby. She just doesn’t seem to care.

Running away to that safehouse after the baby is born is starting to look better and better. I head for the parking lot after watching Teo leave and find the she-devil herself waiting for me.

“It’s about fucking time. My feet hurt and I want a nap,” she whines and I nod, unlocking the door for her and climbing in. Because Missi won’t listen to her doctor, she is struggling with preeclampsia and swelling.

Her hands, face, and feet have blown up like balloons, but still she fights me on staying home and resting. It’s not like she even needs to be at classes. Her only dream in life is to be a trophy wife. School is just a place she comes to socialize.

Once we're on the road, Missi groans and turns to scrolling through social media on her phone, ignoring me, and my thoughts are on Rylee and the guys.

Driving away from campus every day makes my heart ache.

Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days, and I am dreading the fall break. I'd much rather be at university than stuck at the house.

We pull up to the gate and Missi types in the code. She still hasn't shared it with me. She said she will after the wedding, but I'm not holding my breath.

“So, who is coming for dinner?” I ask while driving up the driveway. I really don't want a house full of people, but I don't get to have anything that I want lately, so why would that change.

“Just Daddy, maybe his new girlfriend, me, you, and your dad. Why?” Missi yawns, glancing at me, and I shake my head.

“Just curious. Why don't you go in and take a nap? I'll have Chelle make you a snack.” She gives me a big smile and I feel sick.

I'm really trying for our little girl, but every time I show Missi even a little affection, I feel like the biggest scum on the planet.

I keep thinking about when Donny said that he knows I'll be back, but I just don't see any possible way for that to happen.

Missi gets out of the car and I wait until she's inside before parking in the garage. My dad's truck isn't here, and I take a deep breath.

Small mercies, I guess . He has been on my case to start up football training again, now that I'm off the cheer team.

I'd rather walk on nails than become a mirror image of him. I'm hoping once the baby comes that I can convince Missi that being a footballer isn't the right career for me.

She seems to have my father wrapped around her finger, and he listens to her. More than my mother or I could ever get him to.

I climb out of the car and go inside. Chelle is singing softly while stirring something on the stove. It smells amazing, and makes me excited for dinner.

I haven't had much of an appetite lately. “Can you make Missi a low sodium snack for when she wakes up, please? I'm going to go workout in the pool.”

“Yes, Mr. Crane,” she replies, and I roll my eyes. Dumping my bag on the counter for later, I walk outside to the pool house and change into some swimming trunks.

The weather is cooler now, but the water is heated. This is the only time of day I can shut my brain off and find some peace.

“Lenny!” Missi screams and I groan. I guess I spoke too soon. I take the towel she's holding out for me.

I ignore the way she looks at my naked chest, and the heat in her eyes. My dick has been soft since the moment I learned that I slept with her.

“What's wrong?” I ask when her lip begins to tremble and tears run down her cheeks.

“Oh, Lenny, it's so awful,” she sobs, leaning against me, crying.

I pat her back awkwardly and move us back inside, placing her on the kitchen bench in front of the table. Chelle gives me a look as she places a snack in front of Missi, like she's trying not to laugh, then she shakes her head.

“Okay, now tell me what's going on?”

She looks up at me and the tears start again. “I've gained forty pounds and I have stretch marks… on my ass,” she wails, and my eyes widen. I quickly look away from her and bite my lip. I can’t laugh right now. If I do, she will kick my ass.

I take a few deep breaths, then look at her. She really does look upset over this. “It will be fine, Mis. After the baby comes, you can work out as much as you want.”

She huffs and crosses her arms. “Fuck that, I am scheduling an appointment with Doctor Freidle. I am getting the full mommy package done.” She grabs a tissue from the box Chelle hands her and then points to the refrigerator.

“Throw out all of the junk food, and let the chef know we won’t be having a traditional Thanksgiving meal. I want healthy, non-carb options. For the rest of this pregnancy, we will eat healthily. I refuse to gain another pound because of this.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

I can’t be here another minute. I need to get the hell out. Not only has dinner sucked, but my dad and Missi won't stop talking about the wedding. I don’t care about color schemes, or whether we have chicken or fish.

“Where are you going?” Missi asks, glaring at me. I look toward the kitchen and point.

“I need a drink. I’ll be back.” She rolls her eyes and waves her hand, then turns toward her dad to talk.

I leave them and enter the kitchen. Chelle left her car keys on the counter. It would be so easy to take them and run… I grab a bottle of water and unscrew the cap, taking a sip. Those keys are taunting me.

Fuck it. I sneak out the side door with a twelve pack of some shitty light beer and Chelle’s keys. Missi wasn't kidding about cleaning out the house of anything fattening, or carbs. That includes the alcohol.

I hop in the small sedan, press the garage button and back out, looking over my shoulder. My body is thrumming with energy and my heart is racing. When I reach the gate and it opens from the sensor, I take some deep breaths and smile.

I’m free. Even if it’s only for a few hours. Now, where should I go? I’m starving, but I find myself driving to the community center.

The team always hosted the Thanksgiving meal for the community, and I know I’m no longer a Widow, but maybe they will take pity on me and feed me. I just want to see them. Who knows when I will have a moment alone again.

I can't believe I've resorted to car theft. Not that Chelle will report me. She's a great maid, and I'll be sure to give her a huge tip this month.

I park a block away and walk to the center. The parking lot is packed, and I can hear the laughter from inside. It sounds so welcoming, but I know if I enter, everything will change.

I walk around back and sit against a large tree, hiding in the shadows like some creeper as I watch Rylee and Donny goof around. She looks beautiful.

A little boy runs up to them with a piece of paper and hands it to Rylee. She smiles and takes it from him before bending down and giving him a hug. He runs off to a table with other kids and starts coloring. Donny says something that has her tipping her head back, laughing.

I grab one of the beers and chug it down. Teo walks over to them and pulls her into his arms, making my heart ache. I’m such a fucking screw up. I had the perfect life and I threw it all away.

Now I live in misery and bullshit.

I continue to watch them while I drink. They look happy without me. Soon my thoughts are fuzzy and my vision is starting to blur. People are leaving and Trevor walks in with a bucket and rags.

I guess it’s clean-up time. The guys start bringing the food to the kitchen, and then they kiss Rylee before leaving.

Wait, they are leaving. She’s alone. I stumble to my feet and grip the tree for balance.

Rylee starts to dance with a broom, and though I can’t hear her, I know she’s singing along to some song.

I just need to see her. Hold her. Talk to her. My feet guide me faster than my brain can, and soon I’m barging into the room. Rylee stops what she’s doing and spins to face me. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens in a gasp.

“Please,” I whisper, putting my hands up and out. “I just needed to see you.”

Her nostrils flare and she tosses the broom to the side.

“Well, here I am, Lennox. Take a good look, then go back to the bitch that you left me for.”

“No. Please. Just give me five minutes,” I slur, then stumble over to one of the tables, holding onto it, so I don’t fall. Who would have thought ten chick beers would get me so drunk.

I shake my head, hoping to clear the haziness, and she sighs.

“You're drunk.”

“Yeah, I know I’m just fucking up even more. I can’t seem to do anything right these days.”

“Lennox, you shouldn’t be here. You left us.”

“No, Rylee, you don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?” She huffs out an unamused laugh, shaking her head. “Okay, fine then. Why don’t you fucking tell me then? Enlighten me, Lennox, on why you're here, drunk off your ass, on Thanksgiving, when you should be home with your pregnant girlfriend.”

I shouldn’t be here. I’m too intoxicated. Everything is on the tip of my tongue, ready to be spilled. Turn around, Lennox. Leave.

“I still love you,” I whisper. I know I won’t be leaving here tonight without making some stupid choices, I just hope they don’t come back to bite me in the ass.

When I woke up this morning, I was in a good mood for the first time in a while, excited to come down to the community center for Thanksgiving.

Working with the kids, and other people in the community, to get everything set up and ready, was fun. I laughed and had some good conversations with amazing people. The food was also super yummy.