Page 11 of Hold ‘Em Tight (Solidarity Academy #4)

CHAPTER NINE

C oming here was the right decision. Over the past few weeks, the guys have slowly been getting better. They’re laughing more, smiling more, and overall, they don’t seem as stressed as they were before we came here.

Mateo being around his mom and little brother has been good for him. I see the way he softens, like it’s impossible for him to have an angry mindset when he’s around them.

I’ve been so focused on making sure the guys have been distracted and having a good summer, it’s meant I can avoid my own issues.

That is, until I’m tagged in a photo that Alex posted of my babies back home, and another photo pops up on my newsfeed.

My heart stops and my stomach turns.

It’s one of Missi, posted by one of her friends. She’s standing sideways, her shirt pulled up to show her growing belly.

What fucking guts me is that Lennox is on his knees, his hands cradling her stomach as he presses a kiss to her bump. The caption reads: ‘How cute is my best friend and her baby daddy?’

Bile rises in my throat and I toss my phone to the side to run to the bathroom. I make it just in time to throw up everything I’ve eaten this morning.

“Rylee?” Mom asks, concern thick in her voice. “Baby, what's wrong?”

She’s kneeling next to me, her hand rubbing up and down my back.

“I’m fine,” I croak out after the last bit of food has made its way out of me. Groaning, I flush the toilet and stumble to my feet, so I can splash some water onto my face.

“Rylee, you’re not fine. You’ve been puking on and off all summer. The stress is getting to you, and it’s not healthy.”

I take a deep breath, hanging my head as I take a moment to get myself together.

“I know it's not.” I look up at her in the mirror, before turning to face her and leaning against the counter. “I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw something that set me off, okay? I’ve been doing good. Keeping myself busy, and doing my best to keep my mind off things, but clearly, it’s just a temporary fix.

I’m delusional to think I can just pretend nothing is going on, when reality is ready to slap me in the face at any time. ”

“Honey.” Mom steps forward and rubs my arms in a comforting motion.

“You can’t ignore your problems. I know what you are all going through is hard.

You're all hurting, and rightfully so, but don’t you think that should be something you all work on together, rather than apart?

You're a team, a little family, you should be able to lean on the guys.”

“I do,” I insist, but the look she gives me tells me she’s not buying it. “Okay, well, I want to. But Donny and Colt have things going on outside of Lennox, and Mateo didn’t just lose a friend, he lost a lover too.”

“But so did you,” she says softly.

“Yes, but I have four other lovers to lean on.” I throw my hand in the air. “I shouldn’t be moping around like it’s the end of the world when I have other men who love me. I should be lucky and grateful.”

“You are grateful, but that doesn’t change the fact that Lennox was someone you loved. Maybe even still love?”

I bite my lip, trying not to cry, because of course I still love him. It’s not something that will just go away overnight. Hell, with each passing day, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to get over him.

I’m the kind of person that when I fall, I fall hard, leaving a lingering imprint on my damn heart and soul.

“Rylee. I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t want you to lie to me, okay?”

“Okay?” My brows furrow, not sure where this change in conversation is going.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t drank anything this summer. I know Mateo is staying away from alcohol, but the others have had a few drinks. Are you staying away from it in support of Mateo, or because of something more?”

My heart starts to race as tears well in my eyes.

“Oh, honey.” Mom lets out a heavy sigh, before pulling me into her arms.

That's all it takes for me to lose it. I start to cry, letting it all out as my mom holds me. I needed this more than I knew.

She murmurs soft words of support as she rubs my back, telling me everything is going to be okay.

When the tears start to slow, she pulls back and wipes my eyes. “How far along?”

“I don’t know.” I sniff. “When I went in for blood work, the doctor said I was around three weeks based on the date of my last period. So, that should put me around five now.”

“My baby is having a baby.” Tears fill her eyes.

“Are you mad?” I ask, sounding like a little girl who is worried she’s going to disappoint her mom.

“No, baby. I'd never be mad. Are you happy about this?”

“I don’t know what I am,” I say honestly.

“I haven’t really allowed myself to let it sink in, you know?

Once I got out of the depressive funk of the first week after everything with Lennox, I jumped right into being so worried about the guys and taking care of them.

I felt guilty about being so distant, and wanted to fix that. ”

“I’m going to guess that the guys have no idea? Because knowing those men of yours, they would be hovering over you like a mama bird.” She smiles.

“No.” Guilt hits me like a ton of bricks.

“Why not? Do you think they would be upset?”

“No,” I say again. “I think they would be happy. But it’s also a big life change. I don’t want to add something else to their plate when they’re already dealing with so much.”

“You have to tell them, Rylee. Keeping something like this from them is only going to hurt them more in the long run. They love you. You need to trust them to make their own decisions.’

“I know,” I grumble. “Trevor has been telling me the same thing.”

“So he knows?” Her brows jump.

“Yeah.” I grimace. “He kind of found the test I thought I hid.”

“How does he feel about it?”

I smile. “He’s happy.” Trevor has been amazing. And that only makes me more guilty because I feel like I’m taking that away from the others too.

Fuck, this is all so messed up.

Why do I have to be pregnant now? Why couldn’t it have happened at a better time?

A baby is the last thing I need right now when my life is falling apart, and so is everyone in it.

God, that's a messed up thing to think.

“Are you going to tell your father?” She smiles, her brow raised.

“About what, the baby?” My brows furrow.

“Yes.” She laughs.

The first night we got here, I had to sit down and talk to my mom about the fact I'm dating my stepbrother, and have added him to my little harem.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that there was not an ounce of judgment from her. She’s just amazing like that. My mom has always done what she thought was best for me. Even if those choices have hurt me, they were never done intentionally. She loves me and just wants me to be happy.

“Ah, yeah. I guess I’m going to have to at some point.

” I shrug. “Things between us are still weird, you know? I don’t know how to build a relationship with him.

He went from finding out he has a daughter, to finding out his stepson is dating her.

Then he finds out she has more than one lover.

Now, I’m going to add in being knocked up by one of them?

Yeah, that’s a fun conversation I want to have with my new dad. ”

“He’s not as bad as you make him out to be.”

My brows jump. “Yeah? Then why did you keep him from me my whole life?”

Her face flashes with hurt, and I instantly feel like shit. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“No, I'm sorry.” I groan, scrubbing my face with my hands. “I’m just in a really shitty mood. I’m tired, hot, my boobs hurt, I’m hungry, and all I want to do is eat, vomit, or piss.”

That has my mom laughing. “Oh, love, it’s only going to get worse.”

I peek at her through my hands. “Well, isn’t that just fan-fucking-tastic,” I mutter. “Can’t wait.”

Her grin widens. “It’s not always going to be easy, but just think, at the end, you're going to have a tiny little human who is half you and half their daddy’s. Someone who's going to love you unconditionally. They won’t care about your past, just that they love you.”

And now I’m crying again.

“I don’t know what's wrong with me,” I sob into her shoulder.

“Hormones.” She laughs. “Another thing to get used to.” That only makes me cry harder.

Mom brings me into my old room, and sits me on the bed. She tucks me in and tells me to take a nap, and she will make me something to eat when I wake up. She also takes my phone and says she will let the guys know where I am.

I want to protest, but exhaustion hits me the moment my head lays on the pillow. My heavy lids close and I start to drift off to sleep.

The last thought in my mind before I’m out cold is that I need to tell the guys before we leave to go back to school. But for now, I want to enjoy this little bubble we’ve put ourselves in for just a bit longer, before life fucks us over, yet again.

Maybe that makes me a coward, but it’s hard to care when you're so heavily in denial.