Page 15 of Hold ‘Em Tight (Solidarity Academy #4)

CHAPTER TWELVE

TW: Pregnancy Complications

A sharp pain in my abdomen has me gasping awake. “What the hell?” I groan, my heart pounding as I pull myself into a seated position. Blinking, my eyes adjust to the darkness as I try to shake the sleepy haze.

Another cramping sensation kickstarts me into being alert. “Ouch,” I gasp, rubbing my belly.

When the pain doesn’t seem to be going away, I start to worry this isn’t gas, like I’ve been having.

A cold chill runs down my spine as panic slowly trickles in.

Reaching over, I turn on my bedside lamp and climb out of bed, heading to the bathroom to pee and maybe go number two.

This pregnancy has caused my bathroom habits to be off.

It’s not the first time I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to go.

Getting to my feet, I groan at the uncomfortable cramping. It doesn’t feel like anything serious, but it’s not pleasant, that's for sure.

Still half asleep, I shuffle my way into the bathroom, not caring if mom sees me in my panties.

We had a girls’ night last night, a little sleepover with movies and junk food, just the two of us before we’re set to go back to school tomorrow.

I’m dreading it. I honestly have been contemplating just dropping out and moving back home to enroll in a school around here.

But I can’t ask the guys to uproot their lives to follow me, and I’d never ask them to stay. I don’t want to be without them either though.

So, I’ll suck it up until we graduate, and then maybe I can convince them to move here.

Turning the bathroom light on, I squint as my eyes adjust. Just as I’m about to sit down to pee, my reflection catches my attention. For a moment, I think my eyes are playing tricks on me.

But after giving them a good rub, and blinking a few times, my gaze focuses on myself in the mirror.

“What the fuck?” I gasp when I see that my white panties are now covered in red.

My eyes snap downward as I pull them open, and nearly faint at the amount of blood that's soaked into them.

“No,” I whisper, still a little stunned. Then another cramp hits me and reality sinks in. “No. No, no, no.” I start to cry.

Stumbling my way to the toilet, I sit heavily and pull my panties down.

Blood. So much blood.

The longer I look at the crimson liquid, the more I start to hyperventilate. “No. No, no, no.” I keep repeating it over and over again, until it’s coming out as heaving sobs.

Looking in the toilet, I see a tiny clump that looks like a blood clot. My hand slaps over my mouth as I struggle to hold the bile in.

“Rylee?” Mom's voice sounds from the other side of the door. “What's wrong?”

My tear-filled eyes snap up to the door, my body trembling as I sit here in horror. “Mommy.” My voice comes out as a broken sob. Mom is opening the door the next second.

She looks at me, her gaze traveling down to my bloody panties, and I see her face drop.

“Oh, Rylee, sweetheart.”

“I can’t stop it,” I whisper. “There’s so much blood.”

“It’s okay, baby girl. Everything is going to be okay.” She rushes over to me and helps me out of the panties, throwing them into the trash.

I’m not sure what to say, or what to do.

Baby? No. The baby isn’t okay.

The cramping, the bleeding. I know what all of this means, and the way Mom keeps trying to soothe me, to keep me from losing my mind right now, she does too.

I let my mom clean me up and put me in new panties, unable to do anything else right now. I’m just so numb, in shock.

“Mom.” My voice is a low whisper as I stand in the middle of my room, watching her change my bedsheets. I guess I bled on them and didn’t even know.

She bundles them up into her arms before turning to look at me. Her eyes are red. She’s been crying.

I know I should be crying too. Why aren't I crying anymore?

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I lost the baby, didn’t I?”

She swallows hard, her face a mask of sorrow.

“Rylee…” She takes a step forward.

“Of course, I did.” I laugh, tears starting to spill down my cheeks again. “I saw it in the damn toilet. And all that blood?” I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head.

“I’m so sorry.” Mom goes to hug me, but I shake my head harder, taking a step back.

“It’s okay.” I laugh, sounding a little manic, as I run my hands through my hair. “It’s okay. It’s better this way.”

“Rylee.” Her brows furrow together. “Don’t say that.”

“No.” I shake my head again. “It is. My life is too messed up right now. The last thing any of us needs is a baby, right?”

Even as I say the words, I know they’re not true. I’m trying to push the pain down and lie to myself. Maybe if I keep doing that, everything will be okay.

“Even if a baby wasn’t in the cards for right now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be upset about this. You should tell the guys.”

“I can’t.” My voice breaks. “I can’t tell them about this. This would break them.” It's shattering me. “They already have too much going on. I can’t do this to them.”

“Rylee, you can’t take this on alone.” Her eyes are filled with sorrow.

“I’m not telling them. And you can’t either.” My voice grows angry.

“They deserve to know.”

“That they lost a baby they didn’t even know about? I’m not going to tell them that they were going to be dads, and now they’re not.” I rub at my eyes, too tired and drained to deal with this. Everything in me is demanding I shut down.

“It’s a good thing I didn’t tell them about the baby. This way, I saved them a lot of pain. It’s better this way.”

“Rylee.” Mom’s voice comes out harder now.

“Stop!” I shout, tears spilling down my cheeks. Both in sadness and frustration. “Please. Just stop. I want to forget about it, okay? I want my life to go back to normal.” My voice breaks. “Before that bitch took everything from me!”

“Oh, hunny.” Mom sighs sadly, and this time when she pulls me into her arms, I let her.

And I break.

“I was supposed to have his baby.” I sob into her chest. “Not her. Me!”

Mom rubs my back, holding me tight, giving me the strength I need in this moment.

After I’m done crying and shaking, she finishes making the bed and helps me get in. She insists on taking me to get checked out, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to draw attention to the situation.

We worked so hard this summer to get back some sort of normalcy, I’m not going to ruin that in one night.

No, I can handle this.

Yet another lie I seem to love telling myself.

“How are you feeling?” Trevor whispers into my ear, making me jump as we walk down the jet bridge, getting off the plane.

“What?” I ask, my eyes flicking between his. He doesn’t know, does he? How? Did my mom tell him?

“You’ve been looking a little green. Did the ride make you feel sick? Have you eaten?”

“Oh.” I blink, shaking my head. “Ah, yeah, a little motion sickness, nothing to worry about. No, I haven't eaten anything. I'm not really hungry.”

He kisses the side of my head, stopping once we get into the airport and turns to face me, pulling me into his arms. “You gotta eat,” he says, then leans in closer. “You’re eating for two now.” He smiles softly, and my stomach rolls with guilt.

I try to fight the urge to cry. How the hell do I tell him I lost the baby? He’s been nothing but amazing throughout all of this.

But if I do, it’s just another thing he knows that the guys don’t. Another reason for them to be pissed. I don’t want them questioning why Trevor knew and they didn’t.

I just seem to be digging myself deeper and deeper, covering things up with more lies and denial, until I’m not going to be able to find a way out.

That's an issue for another day. Right now, I just need to survive today.

Thankfully, Donny catches up, taking my carry-on bag from me. “Got your stuff, Cherry,” he says, leaning in to press a kiss to my cheek.

“Thanks.” I smile, praying he can’t see that something's wrong.

As we’re heading down to baggage claim, Colton stops. “I’m just going to grab a drink. I’m thirsty,” he mutters as we pass one of the little convenience store kiosks.

The guys chat while I wait off to the side. My head is hurting, my body is aching, and all I want to do is go home, curl up in my bed and sleep.

The summer is over now, and it’s time to go back to the real world. Something I’ve been dreading for weeks.

My eyes wander around the store, stopping when I get to the magazine rack. My brows furrow when I spot a familiar face.

“What the…” I whisper, picking up the magazine. As I flip through the pages, landing on the two page spread, my heart clenches in my chest.

Lennox and Missi, posing together, smiling for the photo. The article is titled “NFL superstar’s son. Soon to be husband and father.” And it says they’re the new IT couple, as they answer questions about their up and coming wedding.

When my attention lands on where their hands rest on her belly, that's when I feel another piece of my soul shatter. It’s not very big, but it’s there.

I have to swallow back the tears as my hand starts to move toward my own belly. Closing my eyes, I snatch my hand back and grip the magazine so tight, it crumbles in my hand.

“Rylee? Baby, what's wrong?” Mateo asks, his voice filled with concern. I stay nothing, my breaths becoming quicker as I struggle not to break.

Mateo takes my hand, and I let go of the magazine so he can grab it.

“What the fuck is this?!” he shouts, flipping through the pages eagerly. With a growl, he rips it in half before shoving the whole rack down to the ground.

“Mateo.” Colton comes rushing out of the store. “What the hell?”

“That fucking bastard,” Mateo growls. “Fucking flaunting it for the whole world now!” Mateo shakes his head. “He has no fucking shame, does he?”

“We need to get out of here before they call the cops.” Colton looks down at the magazine, understanding dawning on him. “Sorry about that,” he tells the now very angry shop owner. “Here.” He pulls out his wallet and hands over a few hundred dollar bills. “Again, so sorry.”

“I’m not,” Mateo growls. “Fuck him. And fuck that bitch!” Mateo storms off, and I just stand there, staring at the mess of magazines on the ground in disbelief.

Airport security comes over, and Colt gives me a smile. “I’ve got this. You guys go get our bags.”

I nod. So much for all the progress we made. We've not even been back in California for ten minutes and everything is already going to shit.