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Surprisingly, Colborn was staying behind. There was a story there. A rakish young buck choosing to stay out in the middle of nowhere over heading to London, where all his favorite haunts were? Suspect. But Sam was really hoping he’d be asking his best mate about that via letter and not in person.

Felix rolled his lips in, teeth catching the lower one before letting it spring free. “So…a fortnight until they return to Devonford.”

“Roughly, yes.”

Felix turned so his back leaned against the low arm of the bench, and propped one foot up on the seat, hugging an arm around his knee. “And will you be going back?” Felix asked softly, his gaze flitting away.

Sam’s heartrate picked up. Because that sounded very much like Felix was nervous Sam would want to leave. And it gave him the courage he needed to say his next words.

“If you want me to go back, I’ll return. But I really don’t want to return, Fee.”

Felix’s attention was back on Sam, locked on him, poorly veiled hope reflecting in those amber eyes.

“I never once thought I wouldn’t spend the rest of my days at Devonford,” Sam murmured. “That place has been my home, my true home, since I was a lad of eighteen.”

Sam found Felix’s hand and gave it a tug, a silent invitation to come closer, one Felix instantly took. Felix let Sam pull him forward, shifting onto his knee and swinging his other leg up around so he straddled Sam’s lap.

Sam gripped Felix’s hips, thumb coasting softly over his hipbones. Felix’s hands went to Sam’s shoulders, absently running up and down Sam’s neck while he watched Sam. Waited.

“I never had a reason to leave. I had everything I needed there. I was content,” Sam whispered. “Until you.”

Felix’s eyes fluttered shut for a heartbeat. Relief softening his features.

“I thought I was happy,” Sam said, his voice hushed. “But I wasn’t. I didn’t know what happiness was until this month with you.” And he didn’t want it to end. He wanted to be here for holidays. He wanted to be here for Fee’s birthday in February. Christ, he wanted to be here forever.

Felix’s hands slid up to cup Sam’s face. “I’m very glad to hear that,” he said thickly. “Because I might have been utterly terrified to have this conversation.”

“You thought I wouldn’t want to stay?” Sam had thought he’d been obvious. Hoped he had shown, at least with actions, how he felt about this man. Though was he really one to talk?

“It’s not even that,” Felix said quietly.

“Sometimes when things feel so perfect… You start to fear it’s all too good to be true.

” He wrinkled his nose and blinked rapidly.

“I didn’t ever think I’d have this.” His fingers tightened.

“I didn’t think I could after what happened to me. Trust is so hard for me, Sam.”

Sam searched those stormy irises, a fire of emotions in their depths. What happened to you, Fee? Felix had alluded to it a few times. And there had been their catastrophic intimacy back in May. But Sam still had no inkling of what had so terribly wounded Felix.

“You don’t have to explain, Fee.” He’d been careful not to prod. When the man was ready, he’d share. Sam knew well how difficult it was to trust someone else.

“I… I think I’d like to,” he said, his voice nearly inaudibly. “I want you to know.”

His hands dropped, and his fingers fidgeted with Sam’s drooping damp cravat. Sam waited. Steady, silent, offering nothing but his presence while the rain thrummed on the floor-to-ceiling glass windows surrounding them. It was all he wanted, to be there for him, always.

When Felix finally spoke, it was to Sam’s neckcloth. “When I was twenty, I met a man. St. James’s Park is a popular cruising ground. I’m not sure if you’re familiar…”

Sam shook his head. He’d never had the chance to learn about places such as that.

Felix cleared his throat. “Well, anyhow. A friend of mine who also shares our preferences and I would walk there looking to pick up. This man I met, he knew all the signals. So, when he expressed interest in me, I followed him. He was”—Felix swallowed—“the sort of man I find most appealing. Big. Broad. Larger than me.”

Sam stiffened. Like Sam.

“Yes, you two are similar in stature, in breadth, a bit in coloring,” Felix whispered. “But you don’t look anything alike. It was still a shock seeing you for the first time. For the first few times.”

Sam’s fingers flexed on Felix’s waist. That explained the fear Sam had thought he’d seen staring back at him. It had been because of his appearance. But not for the reason he’d assumed. Not because Felix feared Sam’s large, rugged presence. But because of a haunting memory.

“What…happened when you followed him?” Sam didn’t like where this story was leading. He tried to calm his erratic heartrate. He tried not to make assumptions. But based on Felix’s response back in May, Sam was starting to fear the man had forced himself on Felix.

“Nothing scandalous. Public sex isn’t something I’d ever risk, even if that was an extremely popular spot for it.

We had an instant connection, though. So we started seeing each other in…

safer areas. Mind you, he didn’t know who I was.

Thank Christ I had enough wits left to know I should keep my true identity a secret.

But that was about all I had for brains.

It was quick, and I was young, and I thought I was in love with him. ”

His hollow laugh echoed around them. “A week. I’d known him a week.

I was a bloody fool.” His lips flattened, anger tightening his features.

“I invited him to a molly house I liked to frequent with that friend I mentioned. I hadn’t ever…

I’d always been the one to…” He shook his head.

“I mean, I wasn’t completely innocent of it.

Fingers and dildos and the like. I knew how great it could be.

I just hadn’t met a man yet where we were compatible in that way.

My size tended to attract a certain type of man.

But people make a lot of assumptions purely based on looks. Ones that aren’t always true.”

Sam gently grasped Felix’s chin, forcing his gaze back to Sam. “I understand,” Sam said and threw Felix a soft, teasing smile. “I’m a big man, and I like a good pounding.”

A smile flickered across Felix’s face, and a breath of laughter escaped him. That small levity—that small glimpse of ease and comfort—had Sam’s gut flipping over itself. To be the one to bring forth those smiles, to ease the weight Felix carried; it was everything Sam ached to be.

Felix’s smile faded away and his gaze dropped. “We spent the night together,” he whispered. “It was really, really nice. Until it wasn’t.” He swallowed hard and met Sam’s eyes. “He left to obtain some refreshments for us, and while he was gone, a raid on the molly house erupted.”

Sam’s sharp exhale sliced around them. Not what he’d been expecting.

“And who did I see apprehending other patrons of the molly house while I was being handcuffed and dragged out of the tavern?” Felix’s features hardened, his words so scathing they stung with the severity.

“The man who’d just fucked me not an hour before.

He looked me dead in the eye as I was shoved by him. ”

Sam’s fingers dug into Felix, clenched so tight they shook.

He couldn’t even wrap his head around the betrayal.

Or the fear Felix must have felt knowing what being caught in a raid could mean.

But he was here. Sam slid his hands around Felix, pulled him closer, tighter.

Needed the physical anchor, to feel Fee was here.

His mind needed the reminder, as illogical as it was.

Felix was in Sam’s arms. Not hanged. He let out a small breath.

Christ. Was he pilloried? Had he been sent to Newgate?

“I was brought up on charges of sodomy,” Felix said quietly, reading Sam’s mind. “With a witness who stood before the magistrate of my crime. Informing them if they inspected me, they would have their proof. Do you know who that witness was, Sam?”

Oh God.

Sam shook his head, nose burning. He understood the world was a cruel place.

Sam knew . But it couldn’t be that cruel, could it?

Entrapment was rife. The Society of Reformation and Manners lived with the aim of hanging as many sodomites as they could; so infiltrating safe spaces, pretending to be one of them did happen.

But, fuck. To have shared that with another person, an extremely intimate act, and turn around and charge that person of sodomy. To send them to the gallows.

Felix grimaced, lips turning up in the saddest, most hopeless smile Sam had ever seen.

It said so loudly, so this is why I’m broken.

Because that bastard had broken him. And Sam wanted nothing more than to break that man.

And he’d do it slowly. Finger by finger.

Toe by toe. Limb by limb. And revel in it.

“I’m so sorry, Fee,” Sam said hoarsely.

Felix sniffled and shrugged his shoulders. It is what it is.

Sam hated that. Hated there was nothing he could do to erase this for him.

Fee’s rough throat clearing rumbled around them.

“My friend—Benedict—had left the molly house just prior to the raid. He saw them swarm the tavern. He took off for my family’s townhome—Benedict is a frequent visitor.

I’m sure you’ll meet him at some point when he’s back from his traveling theater group—but he informed my father.

Father was able to save me. I was quietly acquitted and led from the courtroom to the back alley, where my father waited.

He shipped me and the family to the country and made it all disappear. ”

Felix paused. “Made William Minton disappear,” he whispered. “After Father passed, I found a small ledger he’d kept hidden. He’d never stopped searching for the man. It took him three years, but he found Minton. Target has been eliminated, was the last entry along with a large payment.”

“Good,” Sam bit out. “I hope it was drawn out and horribly painful.”

Felix chuckled half-heartedly. “So, there you have it. My sob-story. Why trusting a person is an impossible task for me. Why, until you, I hadn’t been with anyone besides Benedict.”

Sam stilled. “As in…what we had attempted last May?”

Felix’s stare bore into Sam. “I hadn’t been with anyone besides Benedict. In any way. And never with him what we attempted last May.”

Sam’s jaw went slack. “You hadn’t…?”

Felix slowly shook his head. “I suffered for many years after the entrapment. It haunted me, haunted my mind. I…couldn’t move past it. My parents were able to find me a healer who finally helped me. But there were some parts of me that would always remain broken.”

Sam stared at Felix, stared into those glimmering amber eyes. With awe. He was a survivor. Just as Sam was. What they’d both experienced…it wasn’t the same, but it was. Such strength. Such fight. Such resilience. No one would ever fell the Earl of Bentley.

“Sam?” Felix whispered, and Sam’s attention snapped back to those burnt-honey eyes. “When I’m with you… I feel like maybe, just maybe, I’m not broken any longer.” A shaky exhale escaped him, and he leaned forward until only a breath separated them.

Sam’s fingertips dug into Felix’s back, and Felix’s hands slid up behind Sam’s neck, tangling lightly with the ends of the hair at his nape.

“Sam…” Felix said hoarsely. “I think you’ve put me back together.”