Page 53

Felix

Felix’s arms sliced through the water, legs kicking in a tight, relentless rhythm. His lungs screamed at him for a second time today. But this one was a welcomed strain, an addicting one that came from lungs, muscles, body pushed to its limits.

His fingers touched the edge of the bathing pool, and he ducked under the water, curling into a ball, flipping until his feet pressed against the tiled wall.

He thrust off it and took off in the opposite direction.

Slower this time, easing into a leisurely pace.

He stopped when he reached the edge, turning to rest back against it.

His chest ached from his heavy breaths, his gaze searching for… searching for—

Sam.

Sam sat on the edge of the pool to Felix’s left, legs dangling in the water, leaning back on his hands, completely unabashedly naked.

Felix shook his head, flipping his hair out of his eyes, then slowly waded over.

His body was a bloody dead weight, muscles trembling uselessly like flummery.

Sam must have recognized Felix’s exhaustion because right before Felix reached him, he slid into the pool.

Just in time to catch Felix falling into his chest.

Sam chuckled, his rumbled laugh jostling their bodies, his coarse hair gliding over Felix’s smoother skin. “You pushed yourself pretty hard out there. And I have to admit, much better view than swimming with Ash.”

Felix pulled back and met Sam’s shadowed stare. The swimming room at Thornfield Hall had no windows, lit only by wall sconces and the many fireplaces that were needed to keep the air comfortably warm for swimming in the two-story stone room.

Sam arched a brow, the flickering shadows dancing over his pale skin. “That arse of yours, Felix? Christ, it’s going to be the death of me.”

Felix glided back a pace, a smile tugging at his lips. He sank into the water, drifting backward with just his head above water, arms wading slowly. “Glad I could provide some entertainment.”

“Do you feel better now?” Sam absently grazed a flat palm over the top of the water, sending droplets flying.

Felix tilted his head back, staring up at the dark ceiling. Sound fell away as his ears sank below the water. Did he? A little. About some things. But one thing in particular was eating at him.

“How didn’t I notice?” His voice rang like a muffled echo in his submerged ears. He lifted his head and caught Sam’s gaze again. “I’ve known him… Well, I’ve known him literally for his entire life. And I didn’t once see the similarities?” He felt really blasted stupid.

“Well, it’s not as though you both stood side by side in a looking glass,” Sam pointed out. Quite sensibly. “And you’re not as conceited and obsessed with your looks as I initially thought.”

Felix shot him a dry glance. “What a wag you are with your witty jests,” he drolled. Sam chuckled and splashed a bit of water at him. Felix ducked out of the way, his grin popping back in place. “Fine, so perhaps I wouldn’t have noticed. But Flick? Fitzy?”

“There’s a very large age-difference between you two. I highly doubt you two appeared all that similar until recently. He would have been an awkward, gangly youth. He still has that beanpole look about him.”

True. Sam made valid points. But…

“You knew right away. Just like”—he snapped his fingers—“that. How, when my sister and brother couldn’t even see it?”

“Well, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this…but I think you’re a very bloody attractive man, and I have spent many-an hour memorizing your features.”

Oh.

“I’m pretty fond of your countenance, Fee,” he murmured. “I highly doubt your sister and brother look at you the way I do.”

Felix went soft, his heart a melty mess in his chest. Sam waded forward until they were only a few inches apart.

“That’s awfully lovely,” Felix whispered.

Sam ducked and kissed him quickly before pulling back with a grin.

“I’m a lovely cove.” He winked. “But in all seriousness, I also think it’s something easier to see from the outside, no?

You are all too close to it. It’s like with twins.

Have you ever met a set of twins? You cannot tell them apart, but their parents or siblings think they look nothing alike. ”

Felix cocked his head, a thoughtful hum rumbling from him. “That’s…an interesting point. The Kozington twins—you’ll meet them soon. They grew up with us on the neighboring estate—look nothing alike to me. But they switch places all the time because people can’t tell them apart.”

“There you go.”

Felix huffed out a laugh. “Christ. I can’t believe this. What is this life? I have another brother?” He laughed again, his mirth echoing around them. “My parents somehow managed to hide him from us, from the entire world. It feels like something one reads about in a wild novel.”

“I mean, that’s kind of what this is, isn’t it? The story of Felix. I have to say, I’m finding it a pretty enthralling read.” He bounced his eyebrows. “Titillating at parts.”

“You’re so juvenile,” Felix said, cheeks aching from his smile. “I hate how much I like it.”

Sam crowded him backward until his back hit the wall. “I’ve told you before, Felix. I’m irresistible.”

“I’m starting to believe it.”

Sam’s exaggerated gasp rang through the bathing room. “ Just starting to? You wound me!”

Felix shoved at Sam’s chest, but he didn’t budge, only loomed closer. Felix loved when Sam towered over him. He trailed his fingertips through Sam’s coarse chest hair. “Tell me something about yourself.”

Sam cocked his head, an inky black lock falling over his brow. “Anything in particular?”

“What of your family?” All he knew of was Sam’s relationship with the Duke and the one time Sam had mentioned his family—that they’d disowned him.

Sam shrugged, his gaze shuttering. “We all come from somewhere, don’t we?”

Not what Felix had asked, but that response was telling, and if Sam’s stiff body language was any indication, this wasn’t a subject he wanted to discuss.

Normally, a reticence like that would send unease crawling under his skin.

After that man’s betrayal all those years ago, secrets…

were hard on Felix. But apprehension was oddly absent.

Sam didn’t press when Felix wasn’t ready to share.

Felix would give Sam the time he needed, too.

A different topic, then. “When did you discover you preferred men?”

Felix always found himself curious to know others’ stories.

Felix had known from a very young age. He hadn’t understood it at first, but it became increasingly clear when it was only ever other boys crossing his mind when he’d been a lad.

He hadn’t once looked at a woman and had any stir of interest, of desire.

“I was at Eton. I was seventeen. A group of us had gone out wenching…”

Felix blinked. Wenching? For… Women wenches? But wait. He frowned. Wait. Eton?

Sam chuckled. “You look like you’re going to hurt yourself with how hard you’re frowning. Yes, wenching. I don’t mind the occasional woman.”

That was surprising, but the Eton tidbit was much more intriguing—a valet attending Eton?

One of the most prestigious schools in the country?

That brought about many, many more questions.

Ones he would definitely pursue later. But for now, Sam happily chattering away about his time there, not concealing, not evading…

Felix let it rest. That and the women revelation still had his head spinning.

“But there was another student who was with our group,” Sam was saying.

“We’d had a few tankards, and we were the only two left without a wench.

He…grew overly familiar. I was wholly taken by surprise.

” He scratched his head sheepishly. “But shite. Being with a woman had never felt like that. It was like opening a door to an entirely new world.”

Felix nodded. A much different story than his. “So, you like men and women then?” He wasn’t sure why that fact had his stomach sinking like a stone to the bottom of the bathing pool. Why it was all his mind seemed able to latch on to.

Sam shrugged like it was no matter. “Prefer men. But some women appeal.”

“Do you want to have a family, then?”

“I don’t have much to offer a woman, so I really haven’t thought too hard on it.”

Felix frowned. Well, that was a big load of ballocks.

Any woman would be lucky to have Sam. “If you did stop to think about it, then. A family, children?” Felix would give anything to have a family with his future partner.

To be with a man he loved…raise children with him?

He gnawed on his bottom lip, staring into the black shadowed water.

Not a possibility. Never a possibility. An elusive dream.

“I suppose if I had the opportunity, found a woman I wanted to spend my life with, then, yes, I’d want to have a family. I do love children. I’m practically one myself.”

Felix forced a smile he didn’t feel. And that’s when he recognized what that large stone sinking in his gut was. Sam could have all of that. And that wasn’t something Felix felt comfortable getting in the way of.

“To give a child an upbringing I didn’t have…” Sam’s voice trailed off, stare drifting over Felix’s shoulder. “One where they were accepted and loved unconditionally, no matter what.”

Felix’s gaze sharpened, and he tried to read Sam’s face behind the dancing shadows. There was so much in what Sam had just admitted. Told so much without telling anything at all.

Sam rested his hands on the pool’s edge, caging Felix in. “What about you?” His breath puffed over Felix’s skin, inches separating them.