Page 57 of Dirty Roulette

Chapter forty

Payton

Driving a stick shift is a bitch. I was used to cruising in Ryder’s Jeep whenever I got the chance, but this is the boss level of an obnoxious video game I keep losing, and I’m about to rage quit. It’s so stressful.

“Turn left here.” Noah points a finger, his voice dripping with laughter as I’ve stalled the little Volkswagen four times in the past five minutes.

I grip the old-school steering wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white against the neon-blue leather.

“Now ease your foot on the clutch, and shift into first gear,” He eyeballs me, with a stupid smirk. “You got this, princess.”

“Okay,” I try to convince myself I can switch gears without messing up again, but my palms sweat against the gear stick.

I can dance, do the splits, and a million back handsprings, but I can’t even learn how to drive this stupid Beetle my Mum bought in order to bribe me to never come back to the house again.

“Like this?” I ask, pushing the stick, but the car jerks, launching us forward and Noah’s head acts like one of those bobbleheads as it stalls. “Shit!”

Noah’s head falls into the headrest and he digs his fingers into his hair and erupts into laughter. “We are never gonna make it to the concert at this rate.”

“Shut up! I didn’t think it would be this hard!

” I’m pissed, but I giggle. We are legit stuck in a Walmart parking lot, and all I’ve done is manage to back out of the parking space.

Oh, and get glares from the random assortment of people who trolly out with shopping carts.

There is also a monstrous line of cars behind us.

“Try again. Be easy with it,” he says, still chuckling.

I take a deep breath, press the clutch with my big toe, and try to shift into first gear again.

This time, the car creeps forward. “Oh, my God! It’s moving!

” I squeal in glee, bouncing in my seat, my cheeks hurting from smiling.

The tires are moving, but then it starts to sputter and shake, stalling again.

“You’re killing it, princess. I’m so proud of you.” The sarcasm leaks off his tongue as he rests an arm on the back of the seat. The cocky grin and eyebrow lift sent my jaw dropping and I punched him in the shoulder.

“You jerk!! I didn’t know it was a stick shift when I got it!”

“Okay, who dyed your hair black because you act blonde!” He asks.

He just went there. “Okay smartass, I’m a brunette for your information. You better sleep with one eye open bitch, because I will shave your hair off!”

“Whoa, whoa!” He chuckles, holding out the palm of his hands. “No need to resort to violence.”

“Noah Fence, you suck at teaching!”

“Oh, we’re going back to Noah puns I see.” I don’t think I have laughed this hard in a long time. My heart pitter-patters and a spark of happiness melts back into my bloodstream. Happy is foreign and has been for a while.

After a few more tries, I managed to get the hang of driving.

I was good enough that Noah let me attempt the back roads to the little venue they were playing at tonight.

He sang along with me to some Killswitch Engage, hitting the heavy chorus in the car, while I attempted the softer portions of the song.

He even tried teaching me how to sing through my diaphragm and growl like he does, but I just made my throat sore as hell by the time I parked at the venue.

I dunno how, or why, but Noah calling was the only thing to knock some sense into me.

He convinced me to change my number and even had me shut down all of my social media.

I pretty much don’t exist. I’ve been a bit glued to him the last two weeks.

I got caught up blaming myself for Charlie missing, and all the flyers taped to windows of stores was my doing.

Ryder severed his connection with me. Since he came over that morning drunk, we haven’t spoken one word.

Omen, Vince, and Tony are supportive and I can see myself being good friends with them.

Regret washes over me for not accepting Charlie’s invites to hang out more.

Hot tubs, heavy guitar solos, and late nights with beer took off the edge.

Omen was always turning Noah’s skin into a canvas – letters on his knuckles spelling out “Wolf and Sheep” to commemorate the band’s name.

Noah’s grandfather passed away a few days after I heard about his stroke.

Noah took a beating from losing the only father figure he had, and Charlie dumping him and vanishing into thin air was the icing on the cake.

Smoky Vinyl is still open, but Noah is struggling to pay an attorney to help guide him through the trust his grandfather left him.

It clicked after a while why Charlie liked him so much.

The guy has the voice of a siren, and somehow he keeps an infectious smile when a raging fire burns at every corner of his life.

He’s more human than the guys Charlie ever dated.

He’s different and raw, and when he’s on stage, the lyrics mess with my head.

I asked him if he put his life into the songs they wrote, but he’s rather adamant he doesn’t want people picking apart his trauma, even though I feel the emotions engraved in them.

Once the concert is over, Noah helps me drive back to the dorms. It’s way past midnight when I pull up next to his classic red Chevy truck. It’s my second night back and I’m not sure how I feel.

“Good job, princess. You didn’t stall once this time.

Tomorrow we should hit the highway, and I think you have it down.

” Noah unbuckles, opens the door, and slips out.

I shut off the engine and grab my purse before I get out.

Noah leans an arm over the roof of the beetle.

“So, are you gonna be busy this weekend?”

“Yeah, I have to fly out to Columbus Ohio,” I say, rubbing my heavy eyes with a hand.

“I can’t wait until the season is over, but I have four more months of pure torture.

” I paw through my purse, pushing around random receipts I don't need, searching for my dorm key stuffed at the very bottom. “I just want to forget everything, y’know?” I find the keys and it’s got random lipstick on it, and residue smears on my fingers.

I’m guessing it melted since I left it in the car today.

“I know I don’t ask, but does he even try to talk to you?”

“Ryder?”

“Yeah...”

“Umm...no, but I can’t blame him. And he hasn’t played in the last two games.

Brody is apparently still pretty messed up, so he hasn’t been to any of the games either.

I think this is the first game Ryder is coming back.

” I wipe the lipstick on the side of my leggings.

“He was at practice this week, but I pretty much don’t exist. I’m kinda used to people being close to me and then suddenly they’re gone. ”

“I thought I was the only one.”

“Only one?”

“Getting close to someone and one Tuesday afternoon they stop talking to you without explanation. It was always girls, too. I’d get close to them, and we’d hang twenty-four seven. They’d know a lot of my baggage and one day they get up and bounce.”

“It sucks it was him.” I swirl the key between my fingers. “I grew up with him, it doesn’t feel right.”

Noah tilts his head to the side, looking at me with dark eyes. “You gonna be okay seeing him?”

“I’m pretty sure I won’t be seeing him. The board has been strict with all of us.

We don’t even stay at the same hotels anymore.

It’s constant surveillance and they are putting dating regulations in place too.

Since Ryder assaulted Brody, and with Charlie’s disappearance being investigated, they wanna make sure they cover their ass. ”

“Let me guess, they don’t know about Roulette...’

“No one has a clue we played a hazing game. It’s mind-blowing that the cops don’t even know about Brody’s knockoff version of Craigslist for perverts.”

“I don’t envy you, but I didn’t even finish high school.” Noah shrugs, with his lips pressed together.

“No?”

“Nah, I decided to tour with a shitty band for a good two years before Vince and Omen convinced me to leave. But it’s getting late, I’ll walk you to the stairs.” He points his head to the dorms and walks next to me down the sidewalk.

“Thanks for helping me learn how to drive.” I smile.

He holds out his arms and wraps me in a tight hug as we walk.

I’m a sucker for hugs, so I squeeze him back and lean my head into his shoulder for a few seconds.

“Text me when you get back. We’ll host a Martha Stewart party and look up some old grandma recipes, and everyone will cook together.

” He wraps another arm around me and puts me into a chokehold type of hug.

“I’ll see you later, princess.”

“Night.”

Noah takes off, and I watch him fade into the dark parking lot, climbing into his truck and taking off.

At the same time, the dull streetlights beam off a yellow Jeep a few cars past mine.

My heart sinks, not even sure if I’m staring at an empty seat or a silhouette of someone sitting inside.

Jeeps are common. I’d rather not hype myself up for some magical coincidence that Ryder is here wanting to talk to me and make amends for whatever demons we hold for each other.

I hold tight onto the cold metal stair railing, taking one step up and the headlights of the Jeep turn on.

The white lights burn into my retinas. They pull out of the parking space, and I stand frozen, staring into the tinted windows as they drive past me.

When I see the license plate, my heart sinks. It is him.

I run down the parking lot, my arms pumping as my feet pound against the pavement.

I should be waving my hands, or being that crazy girl yanking off their shoe to chuck it hard enough to hit the window in hopes of getting his attention.

But I stare at the red brake lights and swallow the chunks of all my regrets resurfacing.

Getting over Ryder is like being thrown into the Hunger Games. It’s a blood sport.