Page 32 of Dirty Roulette

“I’m not trying to ignore you.” I lean against the bathroom counter, her fingertips in my hands.

“You barely notice me at practice. It’s like I don’t exist or anything.”

“You don’t want anyone to know, but you want me to pay attention to you. That’s not how things work.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Are you disgusted with me too? Is that why you won’t talk to me?” She asks.

“That will never be a thing. No.” She attempts to pry her fingers out of my grip.

It drags a knife through my chest, not understanding a damn thing she wants.

“Stop running away from me. I’m not going anywhere.

” I fist the back of the towel and pin her against my chest. Her sopping wet hair soaks through my shirt, and it’s cold on my skin.

“I dunno why I feel this way... I rarely give a shit and I give some kind of shit.” She sniffles, her hands fist my shirt. I’m sure I reek of pizza and grease, and she still clings on to me.

“I’m sorry, if there was more time in the day I’d give it to you.”

“Sure...”

“I’m sorry. This is college life, it’s classes, practice, and more practice and I’ve worked closing all week. I didn’t have a lot of time for anything else. Jared invited me to go paintballing this afternoon, so I did.” I lick my lips, and huff. “Come back with me?” I ask.

“Why?”

“Let me make it up to you.”

“Fine.” She says, and it’s not convincing at all.

I unlock the bathroom door, step out into the hall, and head back to the kitchen where everyone huddles over the pizza and wings, devouring it like a pack of wolves.

“Hey,” I grasp Charlie on the shoulder.

“Yeah?” she asks.

I look at the time on my cell. “It’s late. I’m gonna head out.”

“Is that Payton as your wallpaper?” Charlie cocks a brow and ignores what I say. She snatches it right out of my hand and chuckles. It must be the middle finger and Payton’s pissy expression. “What is going on between you two?”

“I’m too tired to have this conversation with you. I will tell you I’m driving her back to the dorms. She says she’s tired.”

“Okay, but Brittni keeps talking all this shit and you guys are being weird.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Can I talk to you about this tomorrow?”

“Can you stop avoiding my question?”

The option isn’t available on the menu and like any friend, I’ll respect Payton’s wishes. “What do you want me to say?”

“That you have a thing for her.” She coughs up a laugh. I can see it ingrained in the gray eyes we both share, she’s aware of the truth. “You’re dating, you’re banging her. Something?”

“And what if I do?” I shrug with my hands inside my pockets.

“Tell me... She’s my best friend, and suddenly my brother is...” She pauses, biting her bottom lip and shaking her head.

“I’m what?” I ask.

“I dunno. You’re literally a drunk and always pissed off,” she says.

“What’s your point?”

A frown snaps between her brows. “I’ve never seen her like how I did today.”

“Neither have I. Why do you think I was calling her? As much as you think I’m some heartless son of a bitch, I give a shit too. I care about her more than anything.”

“So, you like her?”

“I don’t know exactly what I feel, but I know I liked one person, and that really went smoothly,” I reply, sarcasm dripping from my words.“Payton is different, I dunno what else to say.”

She scoffs. It’s not what she wants to hear. “I wish you’d give me a straight answer...”

“You know the answer, but you’re just as blind to say it as she is scared to admit it. I don’t want to hurt her. Can you at least trust that I’m not going to?”

“No, because as much as you hate to admit it, you’re drinking to get over Brittni, and you will hurt Payton. But whatever... Tell her not to wait up.”

I lift a brow. “You really like this Noah guy with the barbie hair?” I point my head in the direction of him out on the patio deck doing curls with a cinder brick.

“Yeah...”

“I didn’t think you’d be into gothic band geeks.”

“Not as weird as Payt being into famous college football players, but we both know I will personally choke you in your sleep if you hurt her.” She flashes me her cocky smile and wiggles her fingers telling me to piss off.

“Later.” I flip her off.

Payton stumbles out of the bathroom with the towel and her bathing suit wrapped in a ball around her arms. Charlie gives her a side hug before we dip.

I open the passenger door, and she climbs inside the Jeep and I round the corner and hop in. I’m surprised she doesn’t dig through her collection of music in the glove box. Instead, she stares out the window. Streetlights smear orange and yellow hues along the highway.

Silence makes my skin crawl. The desire to leap into her brain and understand what she is thinking about digs a hole in my chest.

“I’m a bit tired...” Payton leans her forehead against the window, her eyes far away.

My grip tightens around the steering wheel, my heart hanging on by a thread with the coldness. “Would you like me to drop you off at the dorm?” I ask.

“Yeah...”

“Okay.” I leave it at that. Within another ten minutes, I pull up to the dorms, park along the red zone and place the Jeep in park.

I shut off the engine knowing I’ll only be gone a second as I leap out.

Payton crawls out of the Jeep quicker than I can round the corner, and I feel like a jackass for not reaching the door in time to let her out.

My teeth chew on the inside of my cheek as I walk her up the steps making sure she at least gets to her door.

Her eyes are droopy as she digs around in her purse jiggling a set of keys.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you. I really got caught up in everything else. I’ll make time for you.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s just Roulette. That’s all it is... right?”

I swallow and shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans, knowing I’m going to fidget and get anxious. “Do you want more from me?” I ask. She fiddles with her keys and turns her back against me, shoving the key into the lock, twisting and jerking the handle until the door creaks open.

“I know it’s not what you want. I regret this whole stupid thing.” She fights with the key in the lock yanking on it. “Thanks for the ride home. I’ll see you later.” She slams the door closed.

I bite my tongue wanting to punch myself in the face. “Goodnight!” I shout.