Page 39 of Dirty Roulette

Chapter twenty-six

Payton

Not a single word. Nothing but the sound of the car humming and a sharp, high-pitched tone rings in my ears.

Charlie pulls up to the dorm rooms, her hands super-glued to the steering wheel.

The look in her eyes is straight out of a horror movie as they search into the distant darkness with nothing there.

“Are you okay?” I break the silence.

“I don’t know.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“My Mom tried to kill herself tonight, and you were with him and you’re wearing my clothes...” Her gray eyes are empty as her fingers twist the leather of the steering wheel as if it were what she wanted to do with my neck.

I couldn’t swallow, feeling a lump the size of a jawbreaker lodged in my throat. All I can mutter is the word. “Yeah...”

“Why was my brother with you?” She doesn’t break eye contact with the nothingness outside. This is it. Tell her, spit it out.

“What do you mean?” Dumb question. You know why you were with him.

“Stop playing dumb. He looked nice like he was trying to impress you, and you’re all dolled up. You never try unless it’s me curling your hair and forcing you into decent clothes. It’s my brother – you’ve been crying and freaking out about my brother. Just admit it.”

I chewed on her words. “It’s not like that...” Something wraps its fingers around my neck telling me to shut up, that it’ll do the talking for me.

“Is that honestly all you can say? You’re lying to me... again.”

Own up to it. Tell her how you feel about him. Vomit out every feeling churning in your heart. “I’m sorry... I think tonight is really emotional for both of you. He wanted to go hang out and see a movie so we did.”

“Out of all the guys out there in the universe, you pick him. You can’t be with him!

That’s not an option, it’s never going to be one.

And you’re lying to me about it! You seriously can’t be doing this to me.

” She runs a hand through her tangled hair.

Her eyes brim with tears, and my insides tear apart like I’m the worst possible human being on the planet.

The pitter-patter of drizzling rain hits the roof of the car. It’s a few drops, but within seconds it turns heavy, dulling the streetlights.

“Why can’t Sebastian and I be friends? You’ve never freaked out about it before.”

“Because you’re into the Crab and he is my brother.

..” She hisses it out. “And I’ve watched you have two meltdowns about him.

” She holds up two fingers to my face, trembling as they stare at me in the face.

“Not just one but two.” She uses the seam of her shirt to wipe the edges of her eyes.

“Friends,” she scoffs. “You two are more than friends.”

I wish he wasn’t her brother. This would be easier without the label.

If it were anyone else, there wouldn’t be a care in the world.

If I wanted to fuck any other guy’s brains out, it wouldn’t matter – but it’s him.

I caught feelings like the black death, not even a plague doctor mask will protect me from it rampaging through my veins.

“You are always out with Noah, so we’ve been hanging out a bit more, I guess. I’m sorry about your mom, I really am.”

“I’m always out with Noah. Right. I invited you every time. You are such a liar. I wish you were transparent about this instead of trying to cover it up. Why can’t you just say it?

“I’m not lying.”

“Bullshit!” She starts punching the center of the steering wheel, laying on the horn. A scream rips through her mouth as if someone stabbed her thirty times over without bleeding out and dying. She’s shaking the steering wheel, with the slobber and tears pooling down her face.

She turns to me as if I’m the ugliest human on the planet. “You’re my best friend! And you’re blatantly lying! Are you lying to him too?”

“We are just friends. Can I not be friends with him?” I ask.

“I want you off my brother’s nuts. Whatever you feel for him, you need to stuff it down your throat and forget it. Now get out of my damn car!”

“Charlie...”

“OUT!”

I shrivel up inside myself, open up the car door, and slip out. Frigid rain hits my skin, and in a matter of seconds, I’m drenched standing on the sidewalk staring at the headlights pulling out of the parking lot. The tires squeal as she hits the gas, peeling out to the main street and driving off.

There’s nothing anyone can say to me that I haven’t already told myself six inches from the mirror. I’m trailer trash, and I’ve never been anything more than that. No need to point out the obvious. I’m in no way deserving of Ryder, or any friendship for that matter.

Telling lies and hiding the truth has been my life since that stupid bottle landed on him.

Might as well call it off. Let Brody post the damn picture of my tits, pack my things and leave.

The scholarship isn’t worth it. Going to gymnastics and dance since fifth grade and the drop of hope I was Cheer Phi material was the stupidest decision of my life.

I let Charlie slip from my fingertips and I dunno how to salvage my friendship with her.

I walk up the flight of stairs, with the sound of booming music getting louder as I reach the last step.

Never in a million years would I nominate myself as the best friend in the entire world, but I can officially say I’m one of the worst. I don’t lie like this, not to her.

Several dorm rooms are wide open, with a crowd of people laughing, holding those stupid red plastic cups that scream I’m drunk.

I paw for the dorm keys out of my purse, jimmying the door to open, when someone jerks me back by the shoulder.

“Hey, sexy...” A hand runs over the wet fabric of the dress and gropes me in the chest.

“Stop!” I spit out.

“I hear that you’re easy,” he croaks, and a chorus of laughter fills the halls.

I swing around, throwing my purse off my shoulder, and whack him in the face.

My eyes stare straight at a Jeffery Dahmer look-alike, a creepy stalker if I’ve ever seen one.

His pointed nose and fat ugly glasses need to be snapped in half.

The dude is riddled with vibes of lotion and tissue boxes by the nightstand. I’m sure that’s all he’ll ever get.

It doesn’t seem to faze him as he runs a hand between my thighs, pulling up my dress and touching places he’s not invited to.

“Piss off!” I claw and push the guy in the chest. His weight is a thousand times stronger than my skinny, fragile bones, and it leaves me no choice but to ram a knee between his legs.

A loud groan ruptures out of his throat. “Fucking bitch!” He backs up with his hands cupping the dick that I bet is the size of a peanut.

I’m shaking as I swivel around, unlocking the door and slamming it behind me. Without hesitation I deadbolt the lock. My back meets the walls, and I stand in the darkness, trembling.

My entire body crumbles to the floor.

My phone vibrates in my purse and I tear it out, praying it’s Charlie. Begging to God for her not to be so angry with me, but it’s not her. No, it’s Brody texting from that stupid, anonymous number. Prowling like a lion hunting me down to devour his prey.

Brody: Where is my video?

Payton: Leave me alone.

Brody: You played the game, it’s time for you to pay up. Or I can come over right now and fuck you myself.

Payton: You’re disgusting.

Brody: Do you really think Ryder is going to stay with you?

Payton: Quit.

Brody: He already agreed once he films it, he’ll get back together with Brittni.

Payton: I don’t believe you.

Brody: Don’t believe me? He filmed this last week with her.

There’s another stupid link sent to me. Temptation dares me to click on it.

My thumb trembles, my heart bleeding out with a knife Freddy Kruger chased me with.

Dumb me opens up the tab to a video, and Ryder’s there with Brittni on his bed.

He’s pinning her hands above her head. Her tan legs curl around his hips as he thrusts into her.

They’re aggressive, she’s loud, and he’s cussing about how good she feels.

The time on the video is an hour and six minutes.

My stomach doubles over within itself. I skim through it. There is no way I can watch the entire thing. It’s a razor blade to my heart, peeling back layers one slice at a time. She’s riding him, he’s taking her from behind, then her legs on his shoulders.

The only thing I can think of doing is turning off my phone, changing my number, packing, and leaving. I crawl over to the closet, pushing aside the mountain of clothes until I find my duffle bag. Anything that belongs to me, I stuff into it without even folding anything.

There isn’t anyone who can drive me home, and my only other option is paying for a ride. As I shake violently, I type in the address while Brody keeps sending me links and pictures.

A driver picks up the ride and is only a couple of minutes away. When it pings, they are outside. I throw the duffle bag over a shoulder and make a run for it down the hallway.

“Oh look, it’s Trash running away!” A sassy squeaky voice hollers.

Pounding feet stampeded behind me. “Come back, Trash. We won’t bite!” It’s Brittni and her stupid little preppy gang that hasn’t figured out how to grow up. I jog down the flight of stairs with them closing in behind me.

The concrete is wet and slippery. When I reach the final step, I slip falling to the ground. A throbbing pain surges through my knee, and drops of red liquid spill onto the sidewalk.

The headlights of a red car sit on the side of the building. I clamber into a run and race to the back door, opening it and throwing myself in.

A group of guys came down the steps laughing. Punching each other in the chests, shaking shoulders in complete hysteria. Brittni and Autumn follow behind them, leaning over the rails and flipping me the bird.

“Are you okay?” The driver asks, staring at me through the rearview mirror with furrowed brows.