Page 21 of Dirty Roulette

Chapter fourteen

Ryder

“Wake up, heifer!” Charlie slings the bedroom door open and invites herself in.

I slap at the alarm clock on my nightstand, confused.

What time is it? I wrestle the sheets with my feet and leap out of bed in a sheer panic.

I’m late for the gym, class, or for a second practice randomly put into my schedule.

“Why are you here?”

“I dunno, your door wasn’t locked. Thought I’d say hi.”

“What time is it?” I groan and press two fingers into my eye sockets before the blurry red numbers on the clock materialize. It’s nine in the evening, and I’m groggier than a sloth. I seriously slept for three hours, but I did drink four glasses of Hennessy. “What do you want?” I ask.

“Payton won’t answer my texts,” Charlie complains, tilting her head to one side with the biggest pout. “And she was wearing your ugly-ass basketball shorts. You got in a fight with Brody, so talk!”

I run a hand over my face. “Why don’t you go check the dorm and go talk to her?”

“I tried. My best friend is lying to me, and now I’m betting my brother wants to sleep with her.”

The mere sound of her voice impales me in the stomach right where the bruises are forming.

My lip throbs and I run my front teeth over a scab by mistake, scraping it off.

I press two fingers against it and I’m bleeding again.

Even my right hand aches. At this rate, Charlie isn’t going to get off my ass unless I talk.

I’m going to need an on-call nurse to inject me with some morphine for the headache she’s gonna give me.

“I don’t want to sleep with her,” I lie. I would sleep with her in a heartbeat if she said yes. But there’s no way I’m having this conversation with my sister. The dick and his cravings don’t need to liquefy her ears.

“Then what’s going on between you and Payton?” Charlie’s cheeks turn crimson, and her chest heaves from her ragged breaths. I’m not sure if she’s about to lunge at me or start crying.

“Nothing is going on between us.” I shrug, with my eyes darting across the room where a bomb went off.

My dirty clothes, the half-eaten slice of pizza I forgot to throw away, and empty energy drinks litter the floor – I look anywhere but at her.

“I’d do the same thing for you.” I suck on my bottom lip and the taste of iron coats my dry tongue.

Charlie fiddles with the hodge-podge of change on the dresser, staring at the reflection of some of the quarters, and playing with the different shades of copper pennies. “She seems off. Ever since the party, something just doesn’t feel right.”

Payton asked me not to tattle, but the little voice in my head tells me to spill.

If Charlie wasn’t my sister, it would be easier to put it on blast that Payton turned me into a rabid animal the other night.

I can’t sleep because of her. A fantasy about sucking on Payton’s pink nipples, and her underneath me won’t quit popping up.

These daydreaming episodes are worse than a hangover on the bathroom floor.

For the past three nights, I’ve been rock-hard staring at the popcorn ceiling with her cemented into my mind.

It’s taken all the willpower I have not to jerk off with the memory of her naked body.

I’m unholy with some insatiable attraction.

The girl was always gorgeous, but I didn’t think she could be softer than lace.

There is no way to put those thoughts into perspective for Charlie to understand.

“Well, Roulette kinda does that to you.” I let out a heavy breath to release the tension in my chest, but the weight is collapsing into my lungs.

“It’s a stupid game.” She ruffles a hand through her hair. “Brody even said he didn’t expect some of us to follow through anyway. Payton didn’t have to play if she didn’t want to.”

I let out a breath, shaking my head. “Did you talk to him or something?”

“Yeah, he called and said everything was chill. He was joking and didn’t expect her to be so uptight about the photos.”

She actually believes Brody that Payton doesn’t have to finish the game, but I’m standing with a bloody lip, and bruises on my chest with the pain of knowing Payton will have to finish Roulette.

“Would you think it’s funny if someone sends you the nudes they took of you at a party you were trashed at?” I ask.

“No.” She sulks, her eyes staring far beyond me. “He’s a jerk, I get it. I just...”

“She was embarrassed. I get you dated Brody and maybe he has a dark sense of humor you understand, but that wasn’t funny to her. I stood up for her at practice. That’s it. Maybe you should too.”

I trudge to the door. She uses an arm to block the doorway. She lifts her chin up in a snobby manner. “So, you don’t have some secret crush on my best friend.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” I grasp her fingers drilling into the doorframe to remove them. “Can you go back to your dorm, kiss and make up with her or something?”

Charlie clears her throat. “When did you become protective of her?”

“She’s my friend too, and while you ditched her for Brody all summer, we would actually have conversations, but you don’t pay attention to that.”

“Since when?” She scrunches her eyebrows together, the wheels turning in her brain. “You used to bully her freshman year and call her flat-chested. Then you’d shoot spit wads at us.”

“I’m not on the edge of seventeen anymore. Plus, she grew a nice rack.” I lift my brows and give her a cocky smile.

Charlie grabs the dirty clothes in the doorway and thrusts them at me. “You’re disgusting!” She chuckles, and I hold up my hands to snatch the dirty shirt before she throws it at my face.

Footsteps pound down the hallway, and both Charlie and I turn our heads in sync to see Nick, wearing a cooking apron with a mixing bowl in his hand.

“Don’t you have somewhere better to be than hounding your brother?

” Nick complains, licking the chocolate off a mixing spatula.

“God Damn, my ears hurt! Can’t a man cook his brownies in peace? ”

“Oh, my god! Go smoke some weed!” Charlie tilts her head dramatically, letting out one of her hormonal groans. “Screw you and your stupid football team!” She flips me the bird before heading out.

“Yah, love you too.”

I go to the bathroom and throw up the toilet seat to piss.

I might be that guy who can drink his weight in beer all night and still pass a calculus test in the morning hungover, but I’m a wreck right now. I’m unable to clean or unpack the rest of the boxes, leaving my room a mess. This place makes me miserable. I need fresh air.

I flush, and I realize I forgot to message Payton. Whipping out my cell, I send her a quick message.

Ryder: It’s a bit late. Will you still meet me?

Payton: Sure, there is a playground on 7th. Trouvez-moi.

Ryder: Always. I’ll be there in fifteen.

***

Two meth heads ride on a mountain bike with a raccoon on a leash behind them. I’m sure the one with no teeth is the random homeless guy who appears out of nowhere and struts around the campus with cheap beer, wearing a yellow thong demanding spare change.

I cross a street and pass the sign stating in bold that the park closes at nine.

It’s past ten, and I don’t have the slightest care.

Dim orange lights cover the sidewalk path that circles the park.

Finding Payton is easy. If she’s ever taken to a playground, her guilty pleasure is swaying on the swings or spinning on a creaking merry-go-round.

After circling the park once, I find the playground covered in pitch-black shadows.

She’s lying flat on the rusty merry-go-round, spinning slowly.

Long dark hair sprawls out on the metal, and my throat goes dry as I’m stuck admiring her heart-shaped lips.

Her big blue eyes catch hold of mine and my heart stutters.

I spot the little cities she drew with a black Sharpie on the white toe cap of her Converse.

It’s funny how old habits die hard. She stole markers from my room in high school when I wasn’t looking.

She used to sit on my bed and draw away, lost in her own thoughts.

There were a few times she stayed while I tried to do my homework.

She was so focused on drawing those cities; it had never dawned on me until now why I couldn’t concentrate.

I was more immersed in her long, tangled hair hanging over her legs and how her chin rested on her kneecap.

She’s like a deity bathed in lavender and gasoline. It’s a shame I only now realize it.

I grab the metal bars and halt the spin. She pulls headphones out of her ears while some screaming music blasts through the speakers.

“Hey,” I say.

“I’m sorry about today.” Payton sits up and her hair runs over her shoulders. She stares down at her feet, swirling dirt up in the air.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s all my fault.” Payton’s lower lip sticks out into a pout, and her eyes grow glassy.

“I’m going to ruin my friendship with Charlie and any respect you’ve ever had for me.

I can’t forgive myself. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t have a chance at getting drafted.

” Her hands meet her eyes, and my heart constricts.

“Hey, hey... no.” I plop next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulder. Tears trickle down the corner of her cheeks and she buries her face in my chest.

My throat thickens. “We got our asses chewed out. That’s it. Coach is clueless you were even in there. Everything is going to be fine.”

“There are reels of me all over the internet and Charlie is pissed and she knows something is up,” she says.

“Well, you are guilty of keeping secrets from her.”

“I feel like I’m trapped in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from.”

“Yeah she’ll be mad, but at least you’d get it off your chest.”

“You don’t get it.” She pulls away and uses her sleeves to rub the bottom of her eyes.

“What don’t I get? Explain it.”

“Because it’s you.” She sniffles.

“Look, I tried. I honestly tried talking Brody down after Coach grilled us for an hour straight.”

“And?” she asks.

“Brody has a sweet spot for Charlie and letting her off the hook, but there is something about you...” I sigh.

“Me?”

“You’re on his bucket list of chicks he wants to sleep with.” I let out a sigh, but it’s not lifting the weight off my chest.

“I’d rather go to hell.”

“I get it. You don’t want to sleep with me or anyone on the football team, and I don’t blame you.”

“I never said I didn’t want to sleep with you.”

I’m silent. I push away the hair sticking to her tear-stained cheeks. Stroking her velvet skin, my gaze rivets on her face and my eyes stray down to her cleavage, peeking out of her tank top.

“Have you told anyone?” She asks.

“Jared knows.” She lowers her gaze to the gravel and shrugs me off with a shoulder. Shit. Wrong answer. I’m horrible at reading a girl’s mind or interpreting what exactly they want from me. “You mad?”

“No...” She shakes her head, staring at her shoes. “It’s fine...” She kicks up dust. I think that means I messed up.

“You sound upset.”

“I’m not,” she grumbles.

“After today, I needed someone to talk to. Jared isn’t going to play telephone. Nothing is going to change between us. Charlie and you should have been born sisters because you two are obnoxious together. You two even fight like sisters.”

Payton coughs up a scoff and says, “Sure, I guess.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to protect you. I wasted three years doing the same for Brittni...”

“But you’re not over her, are you?” She asks and punches me in the stomach with the question. She switched gears fast, and it came out of nowhere.

“I don’t know, I just don’t... I.” I need to take in a breath and let my brain process and come up with the right words. “That’s not what I’m trying to say, and I don’t want to get into it with you about Brittni. It’s not about her.”

Payton lays back down on the hard metal.

I sweep off the dirt on the merry-go-round and follow her lead.

City lights dull out the night sky. Stars barely exist up there.

A couple of constellations are visible, but not much of anything else.

“I was a nervous wreck in high school. It was like a fire alarm was going off in my head anytime a girl tried to talk to me. I can’t explain it.

I met Brittni, and I dunno. Things change I guess. ”

“Oh...” She rubs her upper arm, and it’s like her gaze is far beyond my reach.

“I didn’t think she was in my league. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.” A round of bullets plunges into my chest. Jumping the gun on a new relationship is the last thing on my mind. “I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”

I can’t read her face. It’s like a gray curtain covers her in shadow. One second, I think she likes me, the next I’m the worst human being on the planet. Playing hard to get isn’t written in my resume.

“So, you aren’t then.” She scratches the edge of her hairline and turns her head sideways.

“I’m still a bit sore, but I won’t be giving her another chance.

” I suck in a deep breath and hold in the pain burning through my veins.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try with you.

” Biting my tongue and shutting the hell up is warranted or I’ll make it worse.

My feelings toward her and Brittni are polar opposites.

The cell in my pocket vibrates. I pull it out and swipe open my messages.

Charlie: Have you seen Payton?

Ryder: No, why?

Charlie: Forget it. You’re such a liar.

I slip the phone back into my pocket and Payton chews her thumbnail.

“I have gym and an early class. Message me when you get back to the dorms.” I sit up and scoot off the merry-go-round.

“Sure,” Payton props herself up with both elbows and jumps off. She waves goodbye and scurries down the sidewalk. No hug – nothing but coldness. I can’t read her at all. Everything she does and says gets me lost in a maze.

I take the twenty-minute walk back through the alleys with dense clouds looming under the crescent moon. When I reach the house, I slip back through the screen door. Once I get into my room, I crack the window open and collapse on the mattress. It squeaks as I adjust myself and try to sleep.