Page 17 of Dirty Roulette

Chapter ten

Ryder

Stop talking.

I’m gone, and I mean I’ve-lost-my-mind kinda gone. The party wasn’t originally how I imagined seeing Payton naked for the first time; or seeing her naked at all, for that matter. The thought never crossed my mind, not even when she grew tits.

Okay, that’s a lie.

I wasted time and energy debating her nipple color once in high school. Now that question finally has an answer, and I was right – they’re perky and pink. Her breasts aren’t too big either, just the perfect size for me to cup a handful.

See, there it is again. I’m losing my mind over her.

I spent all day yesterday debating the best Trojan condom to use.

I imagined what her laugh would sound like when I shimmy her out of those black booty shorts she wears.

There wasn’t a way to stop thinking about how soft and unholy her skin would feel underneath me.

Then running my hands through her dark hair that’s like silk.

A girl hasn’t been in my bed for months. It’s me and my hand in the shower, and I thought I was fine with it. Then that bottle stopped, pointing like a barrel of a gun directly at me. I swear, God planned it to humor me. Now all I can think about is her.

I’m imprisoned in whatever feeling I randomly have for Payton at this second. She’s like a second sister and in the pit of my stomach I don’t think I should like her any more than just that, but I do.

I lean against the locker, folding my arms while I stare at the clumps of dead bugs in the light coverings.

I’m trying my damn hardest not to watch Payton get undressed, but I fail.

One tiny peak and my heart is hammering.

I can’t break my gaze off Payton's milky skin as she weasels into my black Rolling Stones shirt.

My mouth dries as her wet jeans plop to the tile floor.

She puts one leg into my basketball shorts and then the other.

Monday is stitched in the front of her panties and my inner thoughts slip off my tongue, “Those are cuter than the ones I have.” I point a finger.

Her mom must have bought her those at Walmart because she’d never let Payton step foot in a lingerie store.

“Yesterday, it said Sunday.”

“What a shame. The ones I have don’t say Friday.”

“Yeah...”

“Are you really a virgin?”

“I think the underwear speaks for itself.” She ties the black strings into a bow to tighten the shorts. They are about three times too big for her.

“That can’t be true.” I pause and run my hands across my face. “You're gorgeous.”

“Well, I’m not really into dating.” Her right leg taps against the tile a mile a minute. “I have to make a sex video with you, don’t I?”

Yes. There isn’t a way around this unless she drops out of Cheer Phi.

Even then, there is no guarantee she’ll find freedom.

If she doesn’t want her pictures and the video he took online, then her only choice is to make a sex tape.

“I don’t wanna force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. ”

“It doesn’t matter what I’m comfortable with.

I lose my virginity to you, then what? He threatens to post that video unless I sleep with him.

It’s going to be an endless game. Don’t you see how screwed up this is?

” She slumps back down to the bench littered with soiled towels reeking of sweat.

Her nails dig at the edges of the wood, and her mind must be spinning.

“Do you want to go out with me?” I ask.

“Like that’s going to fix it. You’re gonna pretend to be my boyfriend?”

“That’s not...” She’s quick to cut me off.

“How do I know you’re not just like all the other guys wanting to use me? You were real quick to tell Brody I’m yours!”

I lick my lips. That didn’t come out right. I run a hand on the back of my neck. “Look I...”

“I don’t have a choice, do I? When do I ever get a choice?”

“You do have a choice...” I kneel to the moldy tile floor and grasp her hands.

With a thumb, I rub her bony fingers, staring at the bruises forming on her knuckles.

They’re swollen, and pink. A thin layer of skin peels back and I can feel the throbbing pain in my chest. “I get it, you don’t want to sleep with me.

I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want.

” I tilt my head to meet her big blue eyes. She flashes me a toothless smile.

Placing a hand on a knee, I stand up. and I pull her off the bench. Her fingers cling to the tips of mine, our arms swinging side to side. My back meets the cold metal of the lockers. “Come here,” I say and spread my legs wide enough to wedge her between them.

“I didn’t say I don’t want to... I don’t want to be labeled as someone who’s a...” She sucks her bottom lip as she huffs.

“So, you do want to sleep with me?” My cheeks hurt from the smile forming.

She does a flutter eye roll, then shoves two hands into my chest, and the lockers rattle as my back meets them.

When she takes two steps back, I take her hand.

“No, no wait!” She tilts her head, swirling around, and stomps back to me.

“Do you really think I’m pretty?” She bats her eyelashes several times, studying me like a book.

I grasp her hips pulling her a few inches closer.

“Very... I’ve always thought you were pretty. The messy braid, the smeared makeup, it’s a good look on you.”

She scoffs. “Can we not tell Charlie about this?” She balls up my shirt with a fist.

“Seriously, you want to keep this from her?” Payton’s quiet, and it’s just the dull dripping of leaky showers in the distance.

But, I get it. Charlie can be overly protective of Payton, but it’s me, out of all the guys in the world. I tilt my head to one side. “Which part? Beating the crap out of Brody, or you spinning that bottle and landing on me?”

“The whole thing.” She plops her forehead to my chest.

“Why do you care about what Charlie thinks?” I shrug. “Tell her the truth.”

“She’s my best friend and wanting her big brother isn’t something I think will sit right with her. I don’t know how I feel about... you, or... never mind... I need to tell her myself.”

“How do you feel about me?” I ask.

“Forget I mentioned anything,” she shakes her head, eyeballing the locker room for an escape route. I hold onto her waist tighter.

“How do you feel about me?” I ask again, but she bites her bottom lip. I run a hand over her smooth forearm and grasp her palm, placing it against my chest with a heartbeat pounding harder than anything. “This is how I feel about you. I can’t get it to calm down. Trust me, okay?”

She fists the shirt in her hand, pulls me closer, and says, “Can you go slow?”

“I can do that.” But I can’t stop myself from what I’m feeling.

My mouth finds hers and she makes the sweetest gasp in the world when our lips meet.

Minty gloss finds my taste buds and my hands squeeze her waist as I pin her against me.

Her fingers tangle in my hair. There isn’t a way for me to catch my breath.

I tilt my head and she opens her mouth wide enough for me to explore territory I never thought I’d be attracted to.

She tastes good, and the thought seems wrong.

I run a hand over her pink cheeks as our tongues lap together.

I almost wanna whine when she pulls away, biting her bottom lip.

“Meet me later.” I manage to get the words out as she pecks me again. “After practice?” I push a wet strand of hair off her face.

The freckles on her nose taunt me.“Trouvez-Moi,” she says not even an inch away from me.

“I always do.”