Page 92 of Darling

“I mean, it really sounded like you were.” I shrug.

“Yeah, I guess it did. And you looked horrified, which tells me a lot.” He gives me a shrewd look. “Most guys would have fallen over themselves to get me alone, babe.”

“I’m sure they would.”

“But not you… hmmm… all loved up, are we?” He smirks as he lifts his wine and gestures for me to follow him. I glance over to where Gael and Amata are still deep in conversation. I don’t want to interrupt Am if she’s hitting it off with someone, which appears to be the case, so I turn back to Felix.

“Okay, let’s talk.”

Twenty nine

Asher

Ifollow Felix through the house until we find ourselves in a large garden room built onto the side. The floor of the thing is glass, and beneath it glitters a bright blue swimming pool. The greenhouse has large brackets of foliage all around, some taller than me, so that it creates a sort of pathway through it, which is all lit up by the blue from below. Sipping my drink, I follow Felix until we come to a small seating area made up of a low table set between two chairs and a cushioned metal sofa.

“You know your way around,” I say pointedly as I take a seat. Felix drapes himself across the sofa, long limbs arranged artfully.

“Oh, not really, I only remember this place because I sucked Nico off right here last night.” I get a visual of that, which I’m sure is why he said it, and it sends another curl of arousal through me. “So, Asher, I’m going to get straight to the point, what are your intentions with my Christian?”

I choke slightly on the ice cube I’d been sucking. “YourChristian?Myintentions?

“Mhm. Little young for him, aren’t you?”

I screw my face up at that. “Um, how old were you?”

“That’s neither here nor there. I was trying to piss off my cuntof a father. What’s your excuse?”

“Grew up gay in a religious cult.”

“Fuck,” he says, impressed. “So what are your intentions, is this like serious for you, or just in it for the cock?”

“I don’t really see how that’s any of your business, actually.”

“I suppose you get enough cock at work, so it would be weird for it to be that…”

I’m not sure how I feel about Christian telling Felix what I do. Why would he do that? It’s not like I’m ashamed of it; it just feels like the sort of thing he might be reluctant to tell people, not the other way around. I suppose it means hereallytrusts Felix.

“I mean, that’s not quite how porn works, but… sure.”

“It isn’t?” He gestures lazily with his glass. “Enlighten me then.”

“Well, sex for work isn’t sex, it’s work.”

“Shit, that’s actually quite philosophical. Okay, I take it back. I was being cunty—did Christian tell you that I can be cunty? Oh, well, he probably wouldn’t, but I can be. Especially about my friends. Or rather, to the people whohurt my friends.” There’s a threatening look in his eye.

“I’ll remember that.” I wonder if Christian had told him the exact details of the heart attack, because I suspect Felix would blame me for it. And he was sorta terrifying, like Amata levels of terrifying. I take another gulp of my vodka soda and glance around.

“He’s a really good man,” he says after a moment.

I nod. “Yeah, I know.”

This settles him a little. “And he deserves to be happy.”

“I know that too.” I almost want to tell him that I love him, and that all I fuckingwantis to make him happy, just to see what he’d say, but it’s no one else’s business.

“I think he’d be a lot fucking happier if he quit his job,” saysFelix dramatically. “I mean, I’m sure it’s what almost killed him, I don’t care what anyone says.” To this, I say nothing because I don’t know how big a part I played in almost killing him, and because I don’t know if quitting his job would make him happy, either. I know he wants to do something important. Something of value. I suspect that part of the reason he’s miserable at his job is that it isn’t one he’d wanted, and it has neither value nor importance. “Though I don’t think being Chancellor would be any better, honestly.”

I blink at this, trying to mask my confusion. Chancellor? I wasn’t totally sure I even knew what the word meant. “Yeah, I think you’re right,” I say, because Felix seems like the sort of person who likes to hear that he’s right about things.