Page 31 of Darling

He smiles a full smile at this. “For the record, I also believe sex work to be valid. I have, in the past, advocated for the rights of sex workers. I understand how much of a lifeline it can be for people, Asher. There’s no judgement here from me, I promise you.”

Of course he’s fucking perfect. Of course he gets this to a degree I never even gave him credit for.

“But Christ, you’re a bloody porn star,” he says, with something like awe.

“Technically, I’m an adult content creator.”

“I’m sorry, isporn starnot the correct term? Is it offensive?”

I shrug, shaking my head a little. “Not offensive, no. I don’t mind it, though I know some people don’t like it. Since my stuff is mainly self-produced, the content creator descriptor just fits better.”

“Noted.”

“I am sorry I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t cool.”

“You didn’t owe me anything, Asher. We’d just met. I’d have preferred not to have been blindsided with it on my deathbed, but what you choose to share with me is your own choice.”

“Yeah, I know, but I dumped all the religious family shit on you and then didn’t tell you this? It feels… skeezy. I just… didn’t want you to run.”

“Skeezy?” he repeats.

I roll my eyes. “I always forget you’re a dad. It means shady. Kinda sleazy.”

“Ah, I see. Ironic since those are words I associate with myself when it comes to you.”

Ouch. I feel that in my gut.

“What? Why?” He gives me a look, one I’m meant to understand the meaning of, I guess, but I don’t.

“Our age difference, for a start. Surely you can see what it looks like?”

“Who gives a shit about what it looks like?”

“A lot of people, Asher.”

I shift forward, careful as I reach out and take hold of his hand so as not to disturb the needle that is attached to the drip by his head. He doesn’t pull away, which feels like a win.

“Okay then, who cares what they think?”

“It’s not as easy as all that, not for me.”

“I get that, I do, but do you like being with me?”

“When you’re not trying to kill me, yes, I do.”

I grin. “Wait, do I need a lawyer? Is there an attempted murder charge being filed somewhere?”

He laughs, eyes rounding with affection as he tightens his hold on my hand.

“No. No, you don’t need a lawyer. But I do wonder if this was the universe trying to tell me something.” He shifts a little sideways and brings his hand up to stroke it down my cheek. I feel the goosebumps all the way to my toes. “That perhaps I’m too old for this sort of nonsense.”

“Bullshit. The universe doesn’t give out signs. God either. Trust me, I waited a long time for one, and I basically lived in his house. I think I do believe in fate, though. And I believe you were meant to be in that bookshop that day pondering over whether to buyA Little Life.”

Seeing that porn scene all those years ago on that kid’s phone, that had been fate, too. All of it breadcrumbs, leading me to somewhere I could be free and live my truth and maybe even be loved for it. Maybe Christian needs some fucking breadcrumbs. MaybeI’mjust a breadcrumb for him. I’d be okay with that, I think. I like being around him, I like him, I wanna spend time with him. Now I want to make sure he’s healthy and doing okay—now I’m invested. I’m about to launch into something deep and meaningful about breadcrumbs and fate when the door opens, a presence rushing frantically into the room. A fit, good-looking blond guy comes towards us.

“Leo,” Christian exclaims, retracting both hands quick as a flash.

“Dad, fucking hell,” the blond says as he goes toward the bed and throws his arms around Christian. “You’re okay,” he mutters, clearly emotional.