Page 17 of Chaos has a Name (An FBI Romance/Thriller #66)

“Charlie will take over for her mother one day. When Elizabeth is no longer saving the world, she will have to carry that burden.”

His eyes got huge.

“Does Elizabeth get hurt and die?”

Timothy sighed.

“We all die, Wyler. I can’t share the when and how. With each day, with each choice, she alters that path. That’s how life is. We make what we want out of it. Will she die one day? Yes. That’s why her children need to know more. A war is coming, and they will need to survive.”

That worried him.

“Beyond that, Wyler, this endangers so much. She moved everyone here, and you know she’s in constant danger.

Life is about sacrifice, Wyler, and you’ve taken more than you have given.

I hope you balance that scale before your time.

On your last day, when the time has run out, the Great Spirit will use that scale and measure to see if you’ve wiped the slate clean. ”

Wyler hated that he put Elizabeth in danger.

“She’s my daughter,” he said.

Timothy immediately went there.

“You were very lucky to have fifteen years with her. I had less than one. She came, she was with child, and then, I got to hold one of my great-grandchildren. What wouldn’t I give to have a conversation with Charlie or CJ? What wouldn’t I give to kiss TJ, and play with EJ in the trees?”

He understood that.

Wyler had been lucky. He complained about babysitting all the kids, but deep within his heart, he loved every moment they needed him.

His sons didn’t. They’d grown up protecting each other and themselves, but his grandchildren…they needed him still.

“I’ll never be the man you were, Dad. Losing you was very hard. I still dream about you, and miss you like your death was yesterday—not over a decade ago.”

Timothy took his son’s face in his hands, and the juxtaposition of age wasn’t lost on either of them. Now, Wyler was old, and Timothy was young again.

“How do you think they will all feel? On top of that, you burdened her with giving you the same ceremony that she had to plan for me. Wyler, you shouldn’t have come here. It’s dangerous here.”

The man sighed.

“I’m sorry, Dad. It’s not dangerous here at all. This is home. It called to me.”

His son had no clue as to the storm that was heading their way. As they spoke, Elizabeth was on the cusp of being dragged back into another case—a dangerous one.

“And what about your youngest son? Did you think it was a good idea to dump him on Ethan? You had him, Wyler. And once more, you’re bailing on your parental duties. That seems to be a repeated theme with you.”

He gasped.

“Dad, I have cancer. It’s not like I drove away to buy hookers and beer.”

“Again,” Wyler said. “And we all wonder where Callen James got his behaviors. It certainly wasn’t me.”

“I tried.”

No, he hadn’t.

And again, he wasn’t trying. Because he was tired of this song and dance, continually used by Wyler, Timothy stopped that then and there.

“And your family has the means to fight it. You’re a coward, Wyler. I would have fought as long as I could. In fact, I did fight.”

Wyler got angry.

“Well, I’m not YOU!” he said, loudly.

It echoed through the trees around them. It sent birds into the air, and it made the trees dance in the wind that kicked up.

Timothy simply stared at his son.

Oh, anger he understood.

It ate away at a person until it made you…hollow. Then, you did ridiculous things in response.

Now was NOT the time to do ridiculous things.

“No, you’re not me. You’re Wyler, and you have people who need you. You have so many grandchildren who are, right now, looking for you. How dare you covet my existence when you don’t see that yours is far better than mine ever was!”

That caught Wyler off guard.

His father sounded like he regretted his life.

“In a way, Wyler, I do. I didn’t have enough time with Ethan, and I was the reason he had abandonment issues all of those years ago.

I wanted to adopt him, but I was giving you a chance to be a father.

To stand up for your eldest son, and because I tried to help you, I lost him.

To this day, he hates what happened to him. I am to blame.”

Wyler picked up a black feather that fell from his father. Gently, he held it in his hands.

“I don’t covet your existence. I covet not doing war with myself every single day.”

Timothy understood that. Only, every person had a battle to fight. From Callen and his sexual abuse, to Ethan and his abandonment, or Elizabeth’s physical abuse as a child…

They all fought and didn’t give up.

“You have a daughter who loves you and came back here to find a way to save you. It is one thing, Wyler, to die after trying every way to live, it is another to be a quitter. That is the son I don’t respect.

I don’t like how you ran when you should have fought for your family.

You have a wife you love, and she cries herself to sleep because she doesn’t know how to get you to fight for yourself. ”

Wyler had tears in his eyes.

“I don’t have the strength to fight,” he admitted. “I want to come home. I’m tired, Dad. I’m so very tired.”

Timothy moved closer.

He held his son’s chin in his hand so he could stare into the eyes he gave him. They were the same brown as Timothy’s.

“And what if you quitting causes them to die? Or one of your grandchildren to be hurt? That is acceptable?” he asked, softly. “Who would you choose to perish so you can finally have peace?”

Wyler was horrified.

“We are given the struggles to learn our lessons. We are given the pain to remember that life is valuable and precious. Lastly, we are given the Hell on Earth to have PEACE in the afterlife. You have always had the power you needed to fight this. You just have to decide to do it. Until you do, which one do you love less so they can perish because their grandfather didn’t want to fight? ”

Timothy shook his face free from his father’s hand.

“I wouldn’t choose any of them. I’d choose me. I’d die for all of them.”

Timothy put his hand on his shoulder.

“You may not survive the chemo, but at least you were here if they needed you. You were here to give them all of you for as long as you could. All I ask, Wyler, is you think about it. Decide if running is the way or if fighting is. I can tell you one thing, and one thing only.”

Wyler waited.

“When you cross, you see things differently. I was wrong not to tell them. They could have gotten me help, or medicine and I might have held all of my grandchildren. I might have kissed Callen’s firstborn, or met Willa or Daniel.

I have regrets that are mighty. Don’t follow my path and think I did the right thing.

I didn’t, and I pay for them here as I watch those children and would give anything to be with them one single day. ”

He was honest.

“You want to be here when you die, Wyler, but your spirit knows its home. You’ll be here.

You’ll have your chance to be with me and your mother again.

You’ll have that opportunity. Today, Elizabeth will find and talk to you.

Make the right decision for them, not just yourself.

You think of yourself as the babysitter, but you are more.

You remind the boys to be gentle with their woman.

You remind the kids to be safe and love each other.

You’re the one who passes this legacy on.

The reservation still has no Shaman, and I blame myself. ”

Timothy began backing up.

“Dad, stay,” Wyler said. “Don’t leave yet. I need to see you more. I want to learn while I can.”

Instead of listening, Timothy kept walking.

“You’ve yet to hold your first great-grandchild,” he stated, as he kept walking into the trees.

“You’ve yet to hold Oliver, and feel what he will be when he grows.

I envy you, Wyler. You have my family, and you don’t understand how much you have and the value of it.

You got to meet Takoda, and see him grow into a Marine.

You’re blessed in ways you can’t even imagine, and I’m cursed for not fighting longer. Don’t be me, Wyler. Learn from it.”

With that, his body shifted, changing into a blue-black raven, taking into the sky.

It let out the loudest of caws, and it was met with more birds as it disappeared above the canopy of trees.

When it was gone, Wyler sat down and contemplated what his father said.

The haze of peyote was leaving, and he was back on the mossy rocks, and still holding that feather.

Was he selfish for not trying to fight and getting them to come here?

God.

He hoped not.

Now, Wyler had to make a choice, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy.

There were only two options. His happiness and soul or his family.

Timothy was right.

He was selfish.

Because he couldn’t decide.

* * * The Blackhawk Family * * *

The Cabin

Same Time

The kids were running wild, and it was good to see them. Caryn was happy that they came, and she was given the opportunity to hold her great-grandson.

He.

Was.

Beautiful.

Oh, she kept saying that, but it was true. Oliver was the most beautiful boy in the whole world.

“I love him so much,” she said to Coraline, who was sitting in a rocker on the cabin porch with her. “You’re blessed. I remember when Duke was born. It’s surreal.”

Coraline laughed.

“Mostly, I’m in a haze,” she admitted. “Takoda sent me here. He didn’t want me anywhere near the White House or by my father. It’s scary being away from home with a newborn. I have so many things to learn.”

Caryn leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

“You’re a very good mother. Look at this little bundle of pudge. He’s an eater. I can tell.”

She laughed.

“Yeah, he is. I love him so much. I can’t wait to have more.”

Caryn had tears in her eyes.

“I hope I get to see them all,” she said.

From the tone, Coraline knew she was upset.

“Want to talk about it?” Cora asked her. “I can tell you’re not in a good place.”