Page 11 of Chaos has a Name (An FBI Romance/Thriller #66)

FBI West

Ten A.M.

Damascus, Utah

Upon arrival at the way-too-familiar building, all of the old memories came flooding back, and fortunately for Elizabeth, they weren’t all bad. This was where she came after marrying Ethan, and they’d started a life here.

A damn good one too.

Damascus was where she birthed a few of their babies, while creating a home for herself, and her family.

So, it wasn’t that she hated it here, no. That was anything but the truth.

It just wasn’t…home.

It just wasn’t a place that nurtured her soul and made her feel…safe.

Everything here gave Elizabeth that sense of being out of control. It had been from the day she arrived here to the day they left.

The bottom line was fairly simple.

Elizabeth Blackhawk was a DC girlie to her core. You could take the girl out of The District, but you couldn’t take The District out of the girl.

She was born there, was raised there until she was ten, and she returned there to rise up the ladder in the FBI to earn her title.

It always called her soul back to it—in one way or another.

It was a familiarity that she loved and cherished to her core. Here, in Damascus, she and Ethan had opened this hub, and ran it like they stole it.

There had been good times.

And there had been bad times.

This had been where he had started his life—not her, and she just never felt…settled there.

Now, she was going to have to navigate a world between the two, and hope that Wyler would take the chemo and fight.

If he did, they were out of here so fast, the whole Midwest would think a huge windstorm had blown through on its way back East.

Yeah, that damn fast.

The best doctors were on the East Coast, and they had the money to get him into clinical trials to help prolong his life.

They might be able to save him, if he let them at least try.

That was the problem.

He didn’t want them interfering.

The fact that he’d come home and was out hunting as if he was going to feed his family long after he was gone, gave her that sinking feeling in the pit of her belly.

She was going to be burying him here.

Sooner.

Rather than later.

The rational part of her knew that it was his choice not to do the chemo. Everyone had a right to choose their end days, but it was the angry part of her who lost her father way too early, and her mother even earlier, that wanted him to fight.

For her.

For his wife.

For his sons.

For his grandchildren.

Was that so much to ask?

That the man who saved her once from a killer, and lived with them, tried to live for her just a little longer so Oliver could learn about life from him?

It just stung.

She felt…abandoned all over again. Losing a parent was no unfamiliar thing. She just didn’t like how she had to keep doing it with the people she’d grown attached to.

It was difficult.

“You’re quiet,” Christopher said as he was watching her. “Want to talk about it?” he asked, as they were almost at the office.

She was sitting between Callen and Ethan in the back row, and NO ONE was talking.

That set the mood.

“I’m just thinking. I’m fine.”

Oh, they all knew when a woman said she was ‘fine’, she absolutely, unequivocally, was NOT fine. In fact, she was the opposite of that.

She was spiraling.

They all knew it when they saw it. Most people would cry and panic when the world was crashing around them. Elizabeth was the opposite.

She.

Got.

Silent.

Like she was now.

She also got down and dirty with trying to solve whatever the situation was.

Only, it was a matter of time.

The meltdown was coming. It was just a matter of when and where it would happen.

All they could hope was it didn’t blow a hole in the family. Neither Wyler nor Elizabeth was much on bending to anyone else’s will.

They.

Were.

Stubborn.

That was going to be problematic.

Because she could feel their eyes on her, she went there.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, as they all sat there in silence. “I’m not going to lose it. I’m just flipping between our personal life and work. I’m walking a tightrope and trying to stay on my feet.”

Yes, yes, she was.

Only, no one could ever do that better than her. Elizabeth had that uncanny ability to thrive in the chaos. She could survive there better than anyone.

When she got back on her focus, this town would be her bitch once again.

Ethan knew he tried, and he’d never been able to do what she had done here.

He’d dropped all of the balls, and it all came crashing down on him. His wife, on the other hand, could balance fifty things, and make them all work.

She was a multitasker.

That was her superpower—amongst everything else she was good at.

“We’ll get through this,” Callen admitted. “We got you, Boo.”

Oh, she knew they said that, but deep down, she was also aware that the men in her life were on the cusp of the freefall too.

If Wyler died, she’d be forced to hold everyone up, putting her mourning aside to take care of the people who needed her most.

Just thinking that annoyed her because it made her feel selfish and like a whiny baby. Now, she really wanted to do anything else but dwell on it.

So, she would.

“MATE?”

Her watch chimed.

“Yes, Deputy Director?” came the voice.

It had no flair, MATE didn’t appear, and there was one good reason.

In her attempt to save Ethan from a nightmare, she’d used the master code and erased MATE’s memory. It was done in order to sneak out with Gene to take down Javier Hughes before he could do any more damage.

And she didn’t regret it.

At.

All.

“Pull up personnel records for this office. Transmit to tablets. I need to know who I’m up against. I also need to find more agents in case the shit gets deep.”

The system chimed.

“As you wish, Deputy Director.”

From where he sat, Gene sighed.

“I kind of miss her angst and entertainment,” he admitted. “She was kooky and fun. This version is…boring. We need her back how she was.”

Chris laughed sardonically.

Oh, well, that was amusing since it took a full year of MATE learning from them, and anyone else who had access to her like the Crofts and the Hunters.

Bringing her back…

It wasn’t an easy task.

“Well, then, maybe don’t use the master code on her to erase her memories. Let’s remember who was responsible for that,” he said, pointing at Elizabeth and Gene. “So now you get stripped-down version of her memory.”

Yeah, she was aware.

Only, a girl had to do what a girl had to do when it came to protecting her family—specifically Ethan.

He glanced over at his new husband.

“Nah, I’ll take this version. It was well worth it to do what had to be done,” he stated. “Right, partner?”

Elizabeth nodded and held out her fist for the bump.

It absolutely was.

“I like to picture Toady all stirred up and freaking the fuck out over it. That kinda makes me feel all sunshiny and bright,” she admitted.

Ivan went there. He DID one thing.

He flipped her off.

Silently.

Yeah, he was not amused.

Chris was to the point.

“I have my team at R&D, trying to retrieve it. If it’s possible, she’ll have her memories back. If it’s not, we’ll have to give her the next year to relearn. It’s not easy to hack the most well-protected computer system created on the market.”

They suspected as much.

“When I asked my employees to do just that, they stared at me like I was crazy. Elizabeth don’t go to that office. Ever. You’re on their shit list.”

She snorted.

“Again, I had to do what I did. Gene and I stand on that principle.”

They could see that.

Chris wasn’t done.

“The shitty part is that The Hunters lost her too, as did the Crofts. You’re going to have to explain that to them if she’s not recoverable.”

She was aware.

Hindsight…she probably shouldn’t have pulled the trigger on that code.

Nah.

It had been worth it to save Ethan and their family. She’d do it again, too.

In.

A.

Heartbeat.

“If anyone can save her, I know it’s the computer geniuses you have working for you. They’ll put their nuts together and work it out.”

Callen snickered from his seat, and Gene just laughed.

“I wasn’t talking about a circle jerk, Callen. You are in the gutter again.”

Yes, he was.

And for good reason.

He liked it there.

As their tablets all chimed, she knew the intel was in for them.

Chris really hoped the best and brightest he employed could pull it off.

“It’s a new experience for all of us. We have never had a data dump with MATE before. If my people can find it, they will.”

Gene hoped they did.

“Let’s go over some of the staff,” Elizabeth said, getting them to focus. It was a short trip to the office, and then, the ‘adventure’ would kick off.

Coming here, she outranked everyone. She was at the top of the food chain, and the boss.

This was going to be interesting.

The director who had been running the team here was just a straight director, like Callen or Chris. They had their jobs, and now, she would be responsible for a whole building.

How could that go wrong?

Oh, let her count the ways.

“Callen, I’m going to need you to jump back into your role of Liaison to the Native Community. You’re back in your office. The director who was doing that wasn’t Native, and it made it…difficult.”

Yeah, no shock there. The ratio of Native Feds to everyone else was incredibly low.

Like he and Ethan would be the ONLY two in that office. Natives and Feds were not synonymous with each other.

They had issues.

It astounded Ethan since it seemed as if she had already been through the files, and had this under control. She was off to the races.

Honestly, Blackhawk wasn’t sure when she slept. On the flight there, she’d been holding Oliver while Coraline took a nap, and she’d been reading information.

For the last three days, she’d been micromanaging the household with Wyler gone, and doing her job. In fact, she’d been up before any of them the last three days to help Coraline with breastfeeding.

The girl needed a Mom, and Elizabeth was there for her too.

Mothers definitely were superheroes.

No.

Doubt.

There.