Page 110 of Chaos has a Name (An FBI Romance/Thriller #66)

If they were in a bed, he’d keep going, but he didn’t want anyone to catch them.

Not because he cared.

Because she was his.

There was no doubt in his mind that this woman was going to be by his side for a very long time. All he had to do was overcome a few things.

Like her father

And the distance from his family.

Because Jesus…

Neither was going to be easy. Unluckily for Lance Running Wolf, Caspian was tenacious, and Marines didn’t quit.

When he went to slip out, she locked her legs around his hips.

“Give me a minute. I want to remember this moment. It’s not often a girl gets fucked by a hot Marine in the back of a car.”

He said nothing.

That one sentence didn’t sit right with him.

He wasn’t being a Marine.

He was being himself.

Hadn’t he told her that?

For a brief second, he was going to tell her that he wasn’t leaving. Only, the part of him that OVERTHOUGHT everything was now driving the bus.

When she opened her eyes, she sighed.

“Now you can have your dick back.”

Despite what he was feeling, lost in a storm, he still laughed.

“T-t-thank you.”

She stared at him.

As she was about to ask him what he was worried about, since the stutter was out, he heard the two clicks of the mute over his vest.

“That was Ivan. They’re coming back,” he said, knowing their time was up.

Rayna stared at him, and she wasn’t sure what was wrong, but she was positive something was.

“You’re upset,” she said, as he pulled out of her, and she grabbed her pants on the floor of the vehicle as he zipped up his cargo pants.

He was, but he didn’t know how to articulate it.

So, he chose his words carefully.

“Don’t worry about it.”

She grabbed his arm.

“I am going to worry about it. Caspian.”

When he looked over, he was honest. She liked that, so here went everything.

“That wasn’t me as a Marine. That was plain old Caspian. It just threw me off. I’m not him all of the time.”

Then, he stopped talking.

When he opened the door, he hopped out, giving her some time to get changed.

And Rayna knew.

It was crystal clear that he’d told her that this was Caspian, and not Uriel.

There was no doubt it meant something to him.

Now, she had to figure out how to fix it.

Because she didn’t prefer a Marine over the man.

Only, what if it was too late?

Damn.

She screwed up.

* * * The Blackhawk Family * * *

Ten Minutes Earlier

Inside

The Building

When they reached the space that was now determined to be his mother’s library, Ethan was holding Gene and Elizabeth’s hands.

He was in the middle, protectively between the two strongest, most loving people he knew. Callen was behind them, and he already saw the space, so he was giving Ethan time to tell his other mates.

“What do you think?” he asked, as they stood in front of the cavernous room. “Is it big enough?”

Gene kissed their joined knuckles.

With Ethan, he knew that his mate seldomly shared unless it really mattered to him. This had to be huge since he was showing them.

There was more to this than just it being a library, and he knew it.

Ethan was putting down roots here.

There was no doubt in his mind why he’d never before. He’d once told him that if he came back, he wouldn’t be able to leave.

His lover, his husband, and his soulmate was declaring something huge.

Oh, boy.

This was going to be interesting.

If he was putting down roots…that meant one thing. Someone was coming home to roost.

That was problematic since Elizabeth, the matriarch of the Blackhawks, had no intention of staying here.

Ethan clearly did.

Now, Gene had that queasy feeling in the pit of his belly that this was going to be problematic.

“I think that if we blow out the back of that wall,” she said, pointing, “and put glass in, we can have flowers back there. I think Catherine would love flowers.”

She glanced over.

“If you don’t mind my input. I don’t want to take over. This is your space to design.”

Oh, he didn’t mind.

Pulling out his phone, he showed her a picture he found online. In it, there was a wall of windows where there were colorful birdfeeders and flowers.

He grinned.

“I thought we could make a butterfly garden. My mom loved butterflies,” he said, tears in his eyes.

Both of his partners moved closer to him, standing hip-to-hip with him to give him all of their love and support.

Ethan pushed through.

“Then, there could be story time right in front of the windows. She used to read to me all of the time.”

Callen shared a memory too.

“She helped me learn to love words and books,” he said, enjoying the love Elizabeth and Gene were giving his brother.

Ethan deserved it.

“Maybe we could have the kids make the birdhouses,” Gene offered. “They could be fun colors, and it will make the butterfly garden full of joy. From what you’ve told me about your mom, EJ, she was the kind of person who’d be cheerful and joyous.”

And she would have been.

Elizabeth wiped his cheeks with her thumbs, and Callen moved closer to rest his chin on Ethan’s shoulder.

When Elizabeth’s phone rang and she saw Chris on the screen, the man had perfect timing.

She turned it on so he could see all of them.

The second he did, he looked concerned.

“What happened?” he asked. “Do you need me? I can be there in fifteen minutes.”

Ethan appreciated it, and knew he was talking about him.

“Do you have some time?” Ethan asked.

Chris nodded.

Taking the phone, he turned the camera and showed Chris the space.

“It’s for my mom’s library. We’re going to put windows back there and a butterfly garden. We’re thinking bird houses. What do you think?” Ethan asked, sharing his mother with all of them.

For the longest time, he couldn’t.

Now, he could.

He was home.

“That will be so beautiful,” Chris offered. “Maybe a little water feature with some koi fish. Kids love things like that, and it will bring joy.”

That broke Ethan.

Just not for bad reasons.

“God. I never thought I’d get to this point,” he whispered. “I never thought I’d heal, but I am. Each of you put me back together again in your own way.”

Yeah, and they’d keep doing it.

Forever.

“I love you,” Chris said. “I wish I could have met the woman who raised you, EJ. She did a beautiful job.”

He wished that too.

“Timothy raised me more, mostly.”

Chris shook his head, and when he was focused on him, he was to the point.

“She gave you life. She filled you with love and joy, and she had you for twelve years. Timothy only had you for six. There’s no doubt that under that pain, there’s Catherine’s joy. You should start living it.”

It was so profound.

Because he was right.

“I think I will,” he admitted. “Thank you, Christopher. I love you too. I love all of you.”

Callen wrapped his arms around his brother from behind, just to hold him as Elizabeth and Gene did the same. This all felt right.

“I want to use our canoes and have Wyler build a totem pole for my mom. It should be a big bear. I remember her telling me that I was always protected by my momma bear. She chose her totem animal, and I don’t think she ever realized it.”

Then it should be done.

It would be.

Elizabeth would get Wyler to do one more piece for Ethan. There was no doubt in her mind that he would too.

“I want to fill it with so many books, and backpacks for back to school. I want it to have tutors and a place for arts and crafts. I want every child who crosses the threshold to feel that joy and not the misery.”

Then, they’d make that happen.

Elizabeth shared what she’d planned with Callen, so that Ethan, Chris, and Gene were aware.

“I was just talking about adding something to the reservation with Callen not that long ago,” she admitted.

They focused on her.

“I think there should be some playgrounds and a pool. The kids could play all summer, and when it’s rainy they could go to the library.”

Ethan smiled.

“Kids love a pool.”

Theirs absolutely did.

“We can hire lifeguards,” Callen said. “And tell them the name of the pavilion of fun, Elizabeth,” he urged.

She did.

“The Wyler Blackhawk Swim Complex, or something or other. I want him to see it and hopefully it gives him a reason to keep fighting.”

Ethan smiled.

Despite his past with his father, that made the future better.

“That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Takoda had been standing off to the side, just watching his parents. What he hoped was one day, he was the kind of parent that his children remembered fondly, like they were doing.

It was beautiful, and they gave him a roadmap on how to be a husband too.

“One day, I’ll make sure you each have a piece of this reservation too,” Takoda admitted. “I’ll keep it going, and then so will Oliver.”

That was the most beautiful sentiment.

Ethan opened his arms, and Takoda hugged him. He was a bit bigger than him, so he fit into his body perfectly. His son, all of their sons, were already giving them so much.

“You’re our legacy, Koda,” Ethan admitted. “To see you each grow up, have a life, and start a family is the best tribute for all of us.”

And it was.

Together they stood there, admiring the space. When Chris had given them some time, he knew he needed to talk to his wife.

“I hate to change the subject, but it’s about the case. Can you give me a few?” he asked.

She knew it was likely DNA that the team had.

So, yeah, she had time.

“Come on, Callen and Takoda. Let’s give Ethan some space to just talk about the library with Gene.”

As they walked away, Gene held his husband.

“When are you going to tell her that you’re not leaving?” he asked.

Immediately, Ethan tensed.

Gene kept it direct and to the point.

“I know you, EJ. If she wasn’t distracted, she would have figured it out too. You don’t plan on leaving here, do you?”

He shook his head.

Last night, he’d made up his mind. His soul needed to be here. He wanted to see what drew him here, and had been trying to get him here for so long.

“I know I have to tell her.”

Well, yeah.

She hated it here, and so did Chris and Callen. This was going to be huge.

And problematic.