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FRIENDS

XANDER

A year and one month ago

July

I sit in my car, my gaze fixed on the floor-to-ceiling windows of the gym, my mind elsewhere. My fingers are wrapped tightly around my cell. It’s been two days since I saw Stacey for the first time in four years, and since then, one thought has plagued me.

I need to see her.

I want to make sure she’s really alright.

Because the girl I saw at the hospital four years ago is not the woman I met at the restaurant the other night. The changes are indescribable.

I was sure she’d never be the same after all the trauma, but two days ago, I witnessed it. A happy and joyful version of her. She reminded me of the Stacey I fell for all those years ago.

Is she really okay?

Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale deeply.

I’ve never been shy or uncertain, yet here I am, second-guessing myself.

Why am I so indecisive? I’ve been struggling with the part I played in Stacey’s attempted suicide for years.

For a long time, the guilt strangled me.

I’ve gone through therapy; I’ve had countless nightmares about the night I found her in the bathroom.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make sure she’s doing well.

Right?

Fuck it.

I open my eyes, unlock my phone, and pull up the number I found for Stacey on her company’s website. Within seconds, I’ve typed up a simple text.

I want to get to know her. The last time we spoke, she was a fragile, broken girl. Now, she’s strong, confident, and just as kind as ever. I want to talk to her, to ask her how she’s been. Is that bad?

Of course not. It’s not a big deal.

Decision made, I hit send.

Me:

Hey Stacey. It’s Alex. Just wanted to say it was nice to see you the other day

Before I’ve even locked my phone, I get a response.

Stacey:

Alex who?

Me:

Alexander Walker

Stacey:

Oh hey! I didn’t expect to hear from you

Me:

Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable

Stacey:

No lol not at all. How are you?

Me:

Fine. What about you?

Stacey:

I’m good too. Headed to lunch in 15

Lunch? That could be the perfect opportunity for me to talk to her in a casual atmosphere.

Me:

Mind if I join you?

Stacey:

Sounds good. Do you need my address?

Me:

Yes, please

A second later, she drops a pin to her office.

Me:

Looks like it’ll take me 20 to get there. Will you wait for me?

Stacey:

Sure. Call me when you get here

Me:

See you soon

I toss my phone onto the passenger seat and drive straight to her office, windows down, the hot July wind blowing in my face. I breathe slowly, clearing my mind of all the doubts I’ve had.

It’s going to be fine. It’s just one lunch.

I’ve just pulled up in front of Stacey’s office when my phone buzzes, and Isabella’s photo appears on the screen. I hesitate, torn about what to tell her. I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t want to tell her about this lunch with Stacey over the phone either.

Still, I answer.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” she says, her tone subdued. “Where are you? I thought you’d be home by now.”

“I kinda lost track of time. I’m just now getting out of the gym.” I grip the steering wheel harder, my knuckles turning white. Hedging around the truth leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. “What’s up?”

“I baked salmon for lunch. Thought you’d appreciate it. I made it with lemon and that seasoning you like.”

“I’m sure it’ll be delicious,” I say, cringing. “I’ll grab lunch in town, though. I’m really hungry.”

I’m met with only silence. “Okay,” she finally says. “Is everything alright?”

My stomach ties itself in a knot. “Yeah, sure. Why do you ask?”

“You sound a little tense.”

“No,” I huff, going for casual. “I’m good.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” I say. I’ll talk to her when I get home. For sure. “I might as well run some errands after lunch, since I’m already out.”

“Well, then,” she replies, her tone lightening up a little. “See you in a couple of hours. Love you.”

I hurriedly end the call, realizing I told Stacey I’d be here five minutes ago, and tap on her number. “Hey. I’m parked out front.”

“Give me a minute,” Stacey chirps. “What are you driving?”

“A Porsche.”

“I should’ve known.” With a giggle, she hangs up.

I smile involuntarily. I’ve always loved expensive luxury cars, and Stacey heard all about my fascination in college.

“Hey.” She opens the passenger door and slips in. Once her seat belt’s buckled, she shifts so she’s facing me. “I usually go to a nearby café for lunch, but with you, it won’t be safe. So, drive.”

“Won’t be safe?”

“Did you forget who you are?” she teases.

“Preseason starts next month. I’m sure the media’s anxious for fresh gossip about the players.

They’re probably dying to dig into what you’ve all been up to during your time off.

New couples, new breakups. And you being the star quarterback?

You’re their prime target. Alexander Walker, the panty-dropper. ”

“Whoa.” I laugh loudly, throwing my head back. “I am definitely not that.”

“We dated,” Stacey states nonchalantly, amusing me even more.

I was right but also wrong—she’s totally different. The Stacey from college, even the happy, carefree Stacey, was never this bold.

“I remember.” Our eyes lock for a second.

“Turn left at the light.”

I nod. “How was your morning?”

She huffs a loud sigh. “Your sister kept me busy all morning. She’s around way more often than she needs to be. I’m trying to figure out her motives.”

With a shrug, I hum. “That’s how Audrey is. You probably forgot.”

“Maybe you’re right. She’s your sister, after all. I was only her friend, and not for very long.”

Once we’re parked at the lunch spot Stacey directed me to, she quickly strides away from the car. “Let’s go. I don’t have much time, so we better hurry.”

The moment we step inside, it’s clear she’s a regular here. She greets the owner, an older man with a bushy mustache, who calls her by name. Once we’ve got our pad Thai with pork, we sit at a table near the window.

Already, it’s hard not to notice how easy the vibe is between us.

“So, why did you want to see me?” Stacey tilts her head to the side, her focus intent on me.

“I don’t really know,” I tell her honestly. “When I saw you at dinner the other night, I was amazed. You’ve changed so much since the last time I saw you.”

“Thank my therapist for that.” She takes a sip of her soda.

“Trust me, it didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of time, a lot of tears, and hundreds of long talks, but here I am.

I’ll never, ever let anyone treat me the way I let people treat me in the past. I’ve learned how to stand up for myself. So, yeah, I am different now.”

“It’s so good to hear that.” My chest fills with pride and affection. “I’m happy he didn’t ruin you.”

“He didn’t ruin me.” She sets her fork on the table and straightens. “You didn’t ruin me either.”

My heart stumbles. “Me?”

“You.” She folds her arms across her chest. “Jake did me wrong. That’s true. He drugged me and raped me to prove a point to you. But you? You were the one who broke me.”

The food in my mouth turns to ash, making it difficult to swallow.

What she’s saying isn’t exactly a surprise. I was terrible to her. I didn’t protect her from Miller. I let him get away. I refused to listen to her. I failed her…and I failed Bella.

“Stacey, I’m?—”

“I was in love with you,” she says, her voice a little shaky.

“That’s why it was so important for me to talk to you, to explain what happened.

I hoped if you knew the truth, you’d understand.

That you would still want me.” She narrows her eyes at me.

“Instead, you rejected my calls and ignored my texts. You chose to despise me for something that wasn’t my fault.

For a horrible crime committed against me. ”

I take a sip of my water, hoping for a little relief from the desert my throat has become.

“My heart was broken,” I finally say. “And so was my pride. It was easier for me to ignore you and pretend it never happened. That we never happened. If I’d known the truth, I never would’ve done that. I never wanted to hurt you. I swear.”

She takes a deep breath, her features relaxing.

“I’m over it. Truly. Just please don’t forget that you were at fault too.

You broke my heart when you refused to listen to what I had to say.

” She wets her lips. “I didn’t tell you that before, but I should have.

You need to know. That night, what I did…

I did it not only because of what Jake did, but because I didn’t think I could live after the boy I loved cut me out of his life so easily. ”

My heart plummets, landing on the floor beneath me with a splat. “Fuck. I’ve never thought about it like that.”

“I know.” Her voice softens. “That’s why I wanted to tell you.”

My thoughts are in total disarray. Past and present mix together, making my head spin.

“I forgave you a long time ago.” Stacey smiles tenderly, her blue eyes shining bright. “I don’t hold any grudges, and honestly, I’d be happy if we could be friends.”

Relief washes over me. “Me too. Friends sounds good.”

“Great.” Stacey squints at her phone on the table. “My time is up. I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. Ready to go?”

“Sure. No problem.”

As we walk to the car side by side, lightness fills my body.

This is exactly what I needed, to clear the air. With any luck, it’ll allow me to finally let go of my past, and it also brought me a new friend.