Page 21

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS

BELLA

A year and one month ago

July

With a grimace, I lower myself onto the couch. It’s been two days since that fateful dinner, two days since Xander and I painted our bedroom red. Even now, I wear his marks. They’re barely visible anymore, but I feel them with every fiber of my being, and I love it.

After we both came again, we sat on the bed in the darkness of our room, facing each other.

With my legs wrapped around his waist, I massaged his scalp the way he likes it.

He sat with his eyes closed, a calm expression on his face, his hands caressing my skin in gentle, careful strokes.

Our bodies were still slick with sweat, our hair damp, but we were too lost in one another to care.

All sense of time has escaped me. I don’t know how long we’ve been fucking. It doesn’t matter, not now, when I’m losing myself to the tenderness of his touch.

“I love you,” I say for what has to be the millionth time today. “I hope you can forgive me for not ? —”

“Shh.” Xander pulls me to his chest and rests his chin on top of my shoulder. “There’s nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong. You were honest with me, and that’s all that matters.”

But I hurt you. That’s what I want to tell him.

“I love you,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck. “I love you so fucking much, and that will never change.” He squeezes me harder, his hold so tight, it’s hard to breathe.

“I love you,” I whisper, pressing my knees to the mattress and sliding down his length again. I’m drenched and filled with his cum, making it easy to take him deep.

As I slowly roll my hips, he drops his head back with a deep sigh and grasps my waist, gently this time, controlling my movements.

“I love you, Xander.”

I tell him that again and again as I caress his skin, kiss his lips and neck.

I will never not love him.

Making love after such intensity was otherworldly, like we’d tumbled into heaven after our last round of orgasms. Tenderness filled every touch; every kiss radiated warmth and care.

But since that night, one thought has plagued me.

He was hurt by my truth.

It brought him so much pain. Even when he was enraptured, he couldn’t hide it.

I hate myself for that. He loves me irrevocably and completely, regardless of my imperfections and my shitty past—because of them, even. Yet my love is shattering him, breaking him into pieces. I’m wreaking havoc on his soul.

Each time I allow myself to think about it, the realization suffocates me.

“Babe?” Xander appears, dressed in nothing but a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips. “What do you have going on today?”

“Work.” I smile at him as I slide my laptop off the coffee table and onto my lap.

He comes closer, his eyes glinting in that way that makes my chest ache with happiness. I’ve never been in such an affectionate relationship.

“I’m bored,” he announces.

“I noticed.” I smirk as I log in to my email.

“Bella, it’s an emergency.” He drops onto the couch and pulls me into his arms. “I’m dying of boredom.”

Laughing, I lean against him, letting his sandalwood scent envelop me. I soak in the moment, memorizing every detail. Being held like this will be impossible once I leave for New York.

“Can you take a day off?”

“Another one?” I look at him over my shoulder. “You convinced me to blow off work yesterday. Have you forgotten?”

“No.” He nuzzles my neck, inhaling deeply. “Just one more day? I have no idea what to do with myself. I’ve already gone for a run. I can always go to the gym, but I don’t really want to go alone. I’m doomed.”

I sigh, biting the inside of my cheek. Ben sent me a few files to work on, but it shouldn’t take long to get through them. “Give me two hours to get through what’s waiting in my inbox. Think you can occupy yourself for that long?”

“I could occupy myself more easily if you were in bed with me.” He shifts, grasping my face and tracing my bottom lip with his tongue.

An annoyed groan slips out of my chest. “I hate when you’re like this.”

“Like what?” He buries his hand in my hair, brow arched.

“When you’re so bored you won’t leave me alone, and I’m forced to hide from you,” I chide.

“You’re adorable.” He laughs. “I can’t help myself.” With a quick kiss, he releases me and stands. “I’ll find a way to keep myself entertained, as you suggested, but I’ll be back in two hours.”

I dive into my work, only to be interrupted forty minutes later. Xander stands at the edge of the room, his face fixed into a frown.

“Bella, what is this?”

I look up from my laptop and at his outstretched hand. The instant the object registers, my mouth goes dry.

“I didn’t have anything better to do,” he says when I don’t respond. “Figured I’d organize the closet, get rid of whatever I don’t wear so you’d have more space for your things.”

The engagement ring Jake gave me glints in the sunlight filtering into the room, and I break into a cold sweat.

“I found it when I was moving some of your stuff from one drawer to another. I didn’t know you kept it.”

“Rent in New York is a bit more expensive than I expected.” I lick my lips and scan the room. “I figured I’d sell it.”

“I told you I’d pay your rent.” He flexes his jaw, his eyes hardening.

“And I told you I could handle it myself. I want to handle it myself.” I close my laptop and sit up straight.

“Just like you handled Audrey?” he hisses.

I scowl. “What do you mean?”

“I asked you to tell me if she upset you. If she was scheming. I asked you to tell me about it. And did you?” He balls his hand into a fist, hiding the ring inside it.

“No. I told you I could deal with her myself.” I stand, seething.

How can he not understand? He admires Stacey for finding strength within herself, all while discouraging me from doing the same. I’ll never be confident and strong if he’s always tackling my problems for me.

“Did you like it when she showed you all my crushes from over the years?” he sneers.

Anger flares hot in my body. “I didn’t like it when she invited your ex-girlfriend to meet up with us so the two of you could reconnect,” I grind out. “But I don’t remember you complaining.”

“I…” He trails off, and his eyebrows pull together.

“ I what?” I put my hands on my hips, my breaths coming fast.

We’re standing feet from one another, both in defensive stances. Both lost in our own fury. I want him to have faith in me, but all he sees when he looks at me is a damsel in distress. A weak, naive girl who needs to be taken care of.

It wears me down, robs me of my energy.

If this man, the man who genuinely loves me, can’t trust me to handle my problems myself, then I fear we’re doomed.

“Bella—” His voice is sharp, but it’s cut off when his phone rings.

He sets the ring on the table and pulls his cell out of his pocket.

Rage builds inside me. It’s so pressurized, it would take a single word, a single look, to cause me to blow. I swear, if he’s letting Stacey interrupt this conversation, I’ll storm out of his house for good.

“Hey. What? Where? Fuck… No, no… It’s the truth. It was the right thing to do.” His shoulders round, his body deflating. “Fine. I’ll be there in an hour.”

As he slips his phone back into his pocket, his hand trembles, and when he looks up at me, all the blood has drained from his face.

My heart pounds in my ears. “What happened?”

“An article,” he says, his voice barely audible.

“An anonymous source claims your stepfather plans to file assault charges against me.” Hands in his pockets, he rocks back on his heels.

“Sources close to the team have confirmed I was suspended on the same day because of my anger issues. They say my future with the Warriors is at stake… if charges are filed.”

My heart plummets to the floor, and all the air leaves my lungs. “Oh my God,” I whisper, bringing a hand to my mouth as I take a step closer. “I’m so sorry?—”

With a shake of his head, he takes one step back, then another.

He’s stressed, and scared, but that doesn’t make it sting any less.

“Everything’s going to be okay. Don’t worry.” He sighs. “My agent is meeting me at the stadium. We’ll work it out. Find a solution. I don’t think they’ll actually give me the boot.”

“I can?—”

As if he doesn’t even hear me, he backs away again. “I gotta go.” He spins around and barrels down the hallway. “I’ll figure everything out.”

I stand still, though my thoughts are swirling furiously. My chest caves, making it hard to breathe. I don’t believe for a second that Kevin is the mastermind here. It’s my mother. She wants to take Xander away from me, to make me pay for my affair with Kevin. She wants to hurt me.

Fuck . I snatch my phone from the couch and, with shaking hands, type a message to Meg.

Me:

I need a favor. ASAP

Meg:

Anything

Me:

I need to see Kevin

Meg:

WTF??? Tell me more when I see you?

Me:

Definitely. Are you at the shop? I’ll be there in thirty

Meg:

Yes. I’ll be waiting

I’ve just pocketed my phone when Xander storms past the living room on his way to the door. He stops in his tracks once he notices me. I’m still rooted to the same spot I was when he walked away.

“I gotta go.” He swallows audibly. “But will you be okay?”

I nod.

“Come here, please,” he pleads quietly, one arm outstretched.

I walk over to him and let him pull me into his chest. He does it with so much force that my body collides with his, a whoosh of air springs out of my mouth.

He lowers his head and brings his lips to mine.

The kiss is full of desperation. He loves this team; he’s at the top of his game.

Losing his spot because of anger issues?

He might not think it’ll happen, but I’m not so sure, especially after the bad press from a few months ago.

Regardless of whether or not his attack on Kevin was justified, criminal charges could severely impact his future, and his future is bound forever with football.

I need to fix this.