Page 42

YOU CAN’T TELL ME YOU DON’T STILL FEEL THIS CONNECTION

BELLA

August

Once I’ve sent the commercial offer for the wedding Ben agreed to organize for his friends, I reward myself by pulling up my newest audiobook. It’s about a werewolf and his human mate, so as much as it’s a reward, it’s also a distraction from what my heart keeps urging me to do.

As I head to the kitchen for a glass of water, the main characters banter back and forth. It’s flirty and witty and perfectly entertaining. I chuckle to myself.

My first thought is about how much they sound like Xander and me. And a second later, as the implication settles, I drop my head back and groan. It’s been like this all fucking day.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and find his recent text.

Xander:

Want to go to the dog park with Milo and me tomorrow?

I type my reply.

Me:

What time?

His response is immediate.

Xander:

6 p.m.?

Me:

Sounds great. Meet you there

I take a sip of water, eyes glued to the screen. I know him well enough to expect another text shortly. That’s how he’s always been with me. And honestly? I don’t mind. Since I unblocked his number more than a week ago, texting him has become part of my routine.

As expected, another text pops up, and I smile.

Xander:

Any fun plans for tonight?

Me:

Listening to an audiobook, then watching something on Netflix

Xander:

Audiobooks sound like a new development. What is your book about?

Me:

Werewolves

Xander:

Definitely a new development :) Mind sharing with the class?

I bite my bottom lip to stifle a laugh. He has no idea what’s coming his way.

Me:

Nope. Pretty sure you won’t be into knotting

While I wait for his reply, I wash my glass, grab an apple from the bowl on the counter, and head to my bedroom.

His next several texts come in a string, my phone dinging with one notification after the other. Grinning, I unlock my phone, and as I read the first message, I burst out laughing.

Xander:

I AM TRAUMATIZED

Xander:

How can you do this to me?

Xander:

I’m on a walk with Milo, and I have no idea how to unsee what I just read

Xander:

Is knotting a thing for dogs too?

Xander:

Bella!

Xander:

I can’t even look at my dog now

Shaking with laughter, I send him a gif from Game of Thrones .

Me:

*oh my sweet summer child gif*

Me:

Have a nice walk! Tell Milo I can’t wait to see him

I toss my phone on the desk near my laptop, then head for the shower.

Hours later, though it’s late and my room is dark, I’m still wide awake. Staring at the ceiling, I can’t help but think about Xander.

Flirting with him is easy. It always has been.

Our conversations are full of banter and jokes, the kind that put a smile on my face for hours.

Being in his company, having his attention on me, warms my skin and turns the blood in my veins into a scorching fire.

The energy that pulses through me when he’s around makes me believe I can do anything.

His kisses, his hands on my skin, his fingers tangled in my hair…it’s overwhelming. Euphoric. The tiniest brush of his fingers sends tingles coursing through me. It has never been like that with anyone else, and I have a feeling it never will be.

He is my guy. Deep down, I know it. Even after a year apart, after all the heartbreak, my love for him hasn’t waned.

The problem is…I’m not ready to risk my heart again.

He’s still the man I fell in love with, though he has changed.

I see it. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since I’ve been back, but he’s proven that he’s put effort into changing his habits, his behavior.

But how can I be sure that what happened to us before won’t happen again, especially when I still don’t understand how our relationship crumbled so completely the last time?

And then there’s my internship in Santa Clara.

This opportunity is like a golden ticket, the perfect start to my career in interior design. I’ve been dreaming about it since the moment Mrs. Hopkins announced it.

I turn onto my side, and my eyes instantly land on the boxes I moved from the foyer and stacked under the desk.

I don’t plan to unpack them. My internship doesn’t start for several months, but I have a lot to do in preparation, and I’ll have to leave at least a few weeks before so I can get settled.

That means my time in Boston is limited.

My time with him is limited.

Yet another reason I shouldn’t let my heart rule my decisions.

An unfamiliar metallic blue Hyundai Tucson pulls up to the curb. To my surprise, Xander gets out. He’s wearing a ball cap pulled low and a pair of sunglasses, and as he opens the back door and scoops up Milo, I can’t help but check him out.

His simple white T-shirt fits him like a second skin, stretching over his broad shoulders and hugging his impeccable torso just right.

The sleeves are taut over his biceps, his tattoos on full display.

His dark blue jeans sit low on his hips, outlining his strong thighs in a way that sets my body on fire.

Damn him. Why does he always have to look so fucking good?

“Hi.” He stops in front of me, eyes locked on mine. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks. You too.” I nod at the car. “Where’s your Urus?”

He shrugs. “At home. I rented this one. It’s a little more subtle.”

“And what’s up with the hat and dark glasses?” The way my pulse speeds up as I wait for his answer brings warmth to my cheeks.

“Figured since you don’t want to be photographed with me, I’d do my best to keep a low profile.”

If I wasn’t still in love with him, this would’ve won me over.

“That’s very thoughtful of you.” I slip my hands into the back pockets of my jeans. “How’s your dad?”

He smiles ruefully. “A bit better, actually, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”

My heart pangs. “I hope he keeps feeling better.”

To stop myself from ogling Xander, I crouch and greet Milo. “Hey, boy! I missed you so much.”

With a yip, he wags his stub of a tail and licks my face.

I laugh, a warm and fuzzy energy forming in my stomach. When I finally stand, Xander chuckles.

“What?”

“Can’t decide who’s more excited, you or Milo.”

I roll my eyes, but I can’t stop smiling. “Should we go?”

With a nod, he holds an arm out, gesturing for me to lead the way. Inside the fenced area, he removes Milo’s leash, and the dog instantly takes off. Within seconds, he stops and sniffs the grass.

I fix my focus on Milo, desperate to avoid looking at the guy who’s quietly walking beside me. It’s safer this way.

“How was your day?” he asks, breaking the silence.

I fill him in on my workout and dinner prep with Aunt Millie before turning the question on him.

“Tomorrow’s game is the last one before the regular season, so I spent most of the day at practice.”

“You’re probably tired. We could’ve rescheduled.”

“I’m fine.” In my periphery, I see his lips tip up on one side. “I wanted to see you. It’s been almost a week.”

Heart sinking, I turn to him. “Xander…”

“You can’t tell me you don’t still feel this connection.” He winks at me.

My stomach tenses, and I look down at my feet. “I do,” I reply, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “But things aren’t that simple.”

“I understand.” He dips his chin, his expression serious.

“You’re not the same girl who left my house a year ago, but I’m not the same guy.

What if…” He kicks at the grass as we continue our slow walk.

“What if we could start from scratch? Get to know each other again, these new versions of us? We could talk about our past. Be open and honest about everything. At your pace, obviously. The last thing I want is to force you into something you’re not ready for.

I don’t want to repeat my past mistakes. ”

Tingles spread down my spine, and I swear my heart grows two sizes. The car, the hat and glasses, the concern for my boundaries—he’s saying and doing all the right things. Every one of them weakens my resolve. Grand gestures are nice, but these little things are way more impactful.

I clear my throat. “Talking things through might help.” I take a deep breath. “What happened to your friendship with Stacey?”

He halts in his tracks, then whistles. “Wow. Didn’t expect you to be that direct.”

“Is it a problem?”

“No.” His smile spreads wider. “In fact, it’s super hot.”

I laugh. “You’re impossible.”

Milo darts toward a water play area, so we wander that way.

“After you left, I told her I needed space, but then she showed up at my house.” He sighs.

“I’d already realized that leaving words unspoken was one of my errors, so I figured I’d be frank.

I invited her in, made her a cup of tea, and we had a talk.

She may have been a factor in your decision to leave me, but my behavior wasn’t her fault.

I was the one who fucked up our relationship.

” Focus fixed on Milo, he roughs a hand through his hair.

“I told her our friendship couldn’t stay the way it was, and she accepted it.

She respected it. We text every couple of weeks, just to check on each other. But I haven’t seen her since that day.”

The butterflies in my stomach go crazy, making me squirm. The sensation is both incredible and irritating…and so fucking cute. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening. God knows I wanted to tell you the moment the pictures were published.”

I scratch at my bicep, a question burning on the tip of my tongue. “Why was she in your hoodie, though?”

He quirks an amused brow, a knowing smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “As unrealistic as it sounds, she spilled tea on herself. I didn’t want her to leave my house in a stained tee, so I gave her my hoodie.”

“Okay.”

We stop, and, side by side, we watch Milo play with a big Doberman and a tiny Pomeranian. I smile, feeling almost weightless. It feels so good to be here, with him and Milo. My time in New York was amazing, and I healed in so many ways, but I never felt whole until I was in Xander’s presence again.

“Can I ask you something?” he asks, his hand brushing mine as he slides a bit closer to me.

“Sure.”

“Is Kevin out of your life? Or is he still bothering you?”

I turn, my eyes instantly hooked on his blue-green gaze. “He tried to stay in touch. He’d text from time to time, to let me know about his life. I never answered, and eventually I blocked him. I’ve finally left my past in the past.”

A slow, proud smile spreads across his face. “I’m glad to hear it.”

This close, his heat soaks into me, warming me, urging me to reach out to him, to touch his skin. So, I cross my arms over my chest to restrain myself and focus on Milo and his friends as they chase and yip at one another.

At first, I’m startled by the touch. As Xander drapes his arm over my shoulders, I suck in a breath. And when he presses his lips to my temple, a bolt of electricity spreads through my body. The way my little heart bangs inside my chest makes my knees weak.

“Thank you for agreeing to see me tonight,” he whispers. “I really needed it.”

I should step away. I should keep my distance. It’s what my brain tells me to do…but my brain’s demands are totally contradictory to what my heart wants.

And in this moment, my heart wins.

Snuggling closer, I put my head on his shoulder and say, “I really needed it too.”