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“Should I?” I set my Kindle on the nightstand. “It was buzzing nonstop, so I looked at the screen, thinking it might be something urgent. But when I saw her name, I put your phone down. I’m not nosy.”

“I know.” He scans the room, suddenly avoiding eye contact. “We text, that’s all.”

“ Yeah …that’s all,” I echo, my heart thumping. “How come you have her number? I don’t remember you asking for it at dinner.”

“I…” He runs a hand through his hair, his gaze now directed at something over my shoulder. “I looked up her company. I wanted to talk to her. It was nice to see her, and I wanted to connect.”

While I’m outwardly smirking, my heart is officially breaking. “Connect?”

“Yeah, connect.” He juts out his chin and folds his arms over his chest, clearly ready to defend himself. “We just talk, message about stuff. Nothing else.”

I cast the blanket aside and climb out of bed, needing distance from him. “Then why did a paparazzo meet me in the driveway this morning, wanting to know if everything is okay between us?”

“Someone was outside our house?” Xander bolts to his feet, his face a mask of concern.

“It was just Jim.” Though it hurts to even look at him right now, I force myself to. Sink or swim, Bella. “He wanted to know if I recognized the girl you’ve been photographed with. Twice.”

For the first time since the day I met him, he’s speechless. He gawks at me, his mouth slightly open. “It’s not what you think.” His voice comes out hoarse.

“How do you know what I think?” I hold his gaze, ignoring the storm brewing inside my chest, willing him to say it right to my face.

“I know it sounds weird.” He laces his fingers on top of his head.

The move makes his abs ripple. I ignore it.

“I just wanted to make sure she was alright, I swear. She’s different now—strong, confident.

She’s changed so much since college. The total opposite of the girl I saw that day in the hospital. ”

Stacey became the kind of person I’m struggling to be. I want to be strong and confident. Yet here I am, continuing to rely on him, on Ben…on everyone but myself. I don’t want to be a doormat, but the truth is, I am. I always have been.

“We talked things through. She pointed out that Jake wasn’t the only one to blame back then.

I hurt her too. I blocked her without giving her the opportunity to explain herself.

While it seemed like I forgave Miller, I refused to give her the same courtesy.

She said… Stacey told me she wanted to commit suicide because of me.

Because the guy she loved cut her out of his life so easily, as if he’d never even loved her. ”

With my lips pressed together, I study him.

“I get it. It’s human nature, this desire to have closure, to make things right with the people we’ve wronged.

What I don’t understand is why you hid it from me.

Have I ever acted possessive? Or jealous?

Have I ever said a single bad word about your friends or complained about you spending time with them?

Have I ever tried to forbid you from doing something? ”

“Never. You’ve never done anything like that.” He hangs his head, his shoulders drooping. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Honestly. I wanted to talk to her, nothing else.”

“You were texting her this morning, weren’t you?

” I force my voice to stay calm, even as pain radiates through me.

“When her message came through, you turned your phone over so I couldn’t see it.

You were on the phone with her when you walked in tonight, and clearly you’ve met up with her more than once. ”

“I know how it looks,” Xander says, his blue eyes burning. “But it’s not like that. I’m being honest. I only want to be her friend.”

“Then I’ll ask again—why did you hide it from me?”

“I don’t know. I was stupid.” He stomps around the bed, holding his phone out. “Here. You can read every message I sent to her. Every message she sent to me. We’re trying to be friends.” He grasps my wrist and forces the device into my hand.

Involuntarily, my focus drops to the screen. He stands at my side, scrolling slowly, showing me more and more messages. His body radiates heat, yet coldness seeps into my veins.

I see Alex, Alex, Alex …smiley face emojis and inside jokes, memories about their college days, gifs. Selfies from her. Discussions about meeting up for lunch.

“How many times have you seen her?”

“Four, including today.” His voice is rough, as if his throat is dry. “We eat and talk. That’s all.”

“Four.” I round him, slipping closer to the door.

“Bella, please. I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner. Just… I had no idea how to put it into words, how to explain my need to see her. Hell…” He tugs at his hair and takes a step closer. “I don’t understand it myself. I acted stupid.”

I dig through my purse and pull out my phone. “If you didn’t have anything to hide, you would’ve been honest with me up front. Like you used to be. Instead, you hid it, met up with her behind my back.”

“She’s just a friend. I don’t think of her that way.”

“You don’t think of her that way. Huh. Yet when you’re with her, you don’t think about me at all ,” I whisper. “You didn’t call me all day. You didn’t send me a single text, and didn’t reply to mine. You were too busy with her to even bother.”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” he says, his face reddening. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have hidden anything from you.”

I meet his gaze, my breathing shallow, my pulse pounding in my ears.

“Audrey was right. If it weren’t for Jake, the two of you might still be together.

You might even be married with kids by now.

That’s why you have these lingering thoughts.

That’s why you can’t explain it to me…because it’s not rational. ”

“Stop,” he grits out, his tone getting louder. “I don’t live in the past. There are no what-ifs. I live in the present, and I look forward to my future. You are my future.”

“I’m not even your type.” The words come out shaky.

My emotions are finally getting the best of me, and before I can stop them, tears stream down my face.

I’m too drained to fight them any longer.

“That day your parents had us over to celebrate my birthday? Audrey made sure to show me pictures of every girl you’ve ever liked.

Then you told me about your celebrity crushes.

Even Jake knows you prefer blondes. And Stacey is blonde?—”

“Wait.” He stumbles back a step. “Audrey did what?”

“She wanted to make a point, and she made it. I’m not your type. I’m an anomaly.”

“Oh God!” He throws his arms out. “That doesn’t mean anything!”

There’s not enough air in here. My lungs constrict painfully, and my heart has officially been shattered. It hurts so much. I want out.

“It does,” I say, wiping at my cheeks. “You couldn’t take your eyes off her when she showed up at the restaurant, and you had that same look in the pictures Jim showed me—both of them. You’re happy with her.”

I rush to the door, pulling it open wide before I turn back to face him.

“Do you know what I did when I got to the salon this morning? After Jim confronted me? After I found out you’ve been seeing Stacey and hiding it from me? Do you know what I did? I asked Kat to dye my hair blonde.”

His eyes widen and his lips part, but for the space of several heartbeats, no sound comes out. He blinks rapidly, then clears his throat.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I love you the way you are.” He stalks toward me. “Shit. I failed you…and that’s the last thing I want to happen. I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

I step out into the hall. “Even Jake would tell me where he was going,” I spit.

Xander frowns, the corners of his mouth drooping.

“I may not have asked for details, but he never hid his whereabouts from me.”

His eyes turn icy. “Did you just compare me to your cheating ex?”

A snicker escapes me. “The world thinks I’m a cheater too. Have you forgotten that?” The ache in my chest is more like a sharp pain now. “They’ll see those pictures and think I’ve gotten what I deserve.”

“Bella.” He reaches out for me.

I take another step back, then another, avoiding his touch.

“I’m nothing like Stacey. I’m dependent.

I’m weak and insecure. I let people treat me like a doormat.

” With a sniffle, I brush the tears from my face.

“That’s why you’re drawn to her. You want a partner who’s like you, strong and confident. An equal.”

“No.” He follows me down the hall. “I saw how she changed, and?—”

Hand on the knob of the guest room door, I push it open. “You look at her the way you used to look at me. I know that look all too well.” I choke on a sob, my throat lodged with tears.

“It’s not?—”

“Goodnight, Alex.” I step into the room and slam the door in his face.

With my back pressed against the cool wooden surface, I slide to the floor and hide my face in my hands. I bawl silently, my whole body trembling.

It never hurt like this with Jake, like I was being ripped open and torn into pieces.

Tonight, something between us broke…and I’m not sure it can be repaired.

Or if I want to repair it.