Page 19

OBSESSION

XANDER

A year and one month ago

July

The house is silent, and Bella is already curled up under the comforter.

The room is dark, the moon illuminating the space and our faces as we lie on our sides, looking at one another.

As I try to sense what’s going on inside her head, anger mixes with torment, and worries take hold of my brain, making it impossible to relax.

I think and think and think, and still, not much makes sense.

She shivers, and I put my hand on her side, my fingers skimming her waist. A jolt of electricity rushes through my veins and down to my toes, setting my body on fire.

Insanity .

It’s the only word I can use to explain my feelings for her. It isn’t rational, this effect she has on me.

I’m the first to break the silence, my voice hoarse. “Kevin loves you.”

“Yes.”

Thump. Thump. Thump . The rain has come again, droplets hitting the window. My heart picks up the rhythm, beating fast inside my chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I told you every story has two sides. Kevin’s side is different from mine.

” She gnaws on her bottom lip. “I desperately wanted to be loved. I searched for validation from my mother, no matter how much she pushed me away. All I wanted was her affection, her attention. I wanted to be taken care of. But I was always a burden to her.”

Bella swallows audibly and runs a knuckle under one eye.

“Kevin…was different. Sometimes he treated me as poorly as she did. But then he’d show me kindness, and I’d get my hopes up.”

Her mom’s story from dinner comes to mind. “Like at the hospital?”

“Yeah. He didn’t leave my side for two days.

He slept on the tiny couch in my hospital room.

He brought my favorite foods and kept me entertained.

He cared.” She takes a deep, shaky breath, closing her eyes for a moment.

Her brow creases in what I swear is pain.

“His attitude changed when I started dating Jake at sixteen. Then he was rude to me, cruel in his words and sadistic in his reprimands. And my mother allowed it. She told me he only wanted what was best for me, that he was doing it for my own good. But in hindsight, I can see it for what it really was…”

“Jealousy,” I offer.

She nods. “He found a condom in my purse once, and he lost it. He spanked me with a belt, leaving welts that made it impossible to sit without grimacing for a week. He said he was teaching me how to behave, how to be a good girl who always does what she’s told.

” Her voice fades to a whisper, and her body trembles.

I pull her against my chest, and she buries her face in the crook of my neck.

“When I was seventeen, he raped me.” Her words are muffled now.

“I told my mother about it, and, as you already know, she didn’t believe me.

When she went out of town and left me alone with Kevin, his obsession grew.

He was brutal at first, forcing himself on me, choking me to keep me quiet.

The more he had, the more he wanted. But…

” She sucks in a harsh breath. “His attitude toward me started to change.

“Gifts, tender touches, caresses. Suddenly, the attention felt good, and I had such a desperate need for love that I took his twisted fixation as a sign of affection, a sign of love.”

A sob escapes her, then another, her body shaking. I hold her tighter, closing my eyes and trying to chase away the images in my brain.

“I had an affair with my stepfather, and I wanted my mother to find out. I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me. I wanted to prove I was better than her because her man wanted me .”

For several long seconds, all I do is hold her, processing her words. My heart thunders against my sternum with such force, I’m sure she can feel it.

Finally, I wet my parched lips. “How long?”

“Almost four months,” she whispers. “Once I left for college, once I had some distance from him, I finally understood what it was. He took advantage of me, of my mental state, of my hopeless desire to be loved, to be wanted. So, I convinced myself he’d raped me all this time, and I replaced every good memory I had with memories of nights when I was scared, afraid he’d choke me to death.

” Her breath hitches. “Yet I’ve never been able to replace some things.

Like my love for rough and kinky sex. I crave it now, and he’s the one who introduced me to it. It gives me power, control.”

I run a hand over her back, wanting nothing more than to take her pain away.

She cries, her tears wetting my chest. “Kevin heard me talking to Meg while I was visiting once. We were discussing the guys we slept with in college. Later, he cornered me in the bathroom and tried to kiss me. He got a punch to the groin instead. That’s when he realized I’d never be his again, that those days were over.

And he said…he said I should be grateful.

” She swallows thickly and sniffles. “‘You’re so popular with boys, Isabella,’ he said.

‘Have you ever wondered why? No? I’ll tell you.

It’s because of me. I taught you how to satisfy a real man. ’

“That night, I threw up until my throat was on fire, but I was also relieved. I knew it was over. He no longer held any power over me. I know how to defend myself when it comes to him, how to make him go away, but he still doesn’t like to keep his distance.

Seeing him brings all the memories, all the regrets, to the surface. So it’s easier to avoid him.”

A heavy silence fills the room. It’s so sticky, I can almost feel it on my skin.

Bella wiggles out of my embrace and peers up at me, placing her palm on my cheek.

I clear my throat. It feels as if it’s coated with sand. So fucking dry. “The moment I saw how he looked at you, I knew. I knew he was in love with you, and it was so fucking hard not to pounce on him right then. I wanted to kill him.”

“I’m so, so sorry.”

“Don’t.” I press my finger to her lips. “It’s not your fault.” I hug her tight against my chest.

My mind races as I hold her. The sheer amount of information is overwhelming, the intricacies hard to understand. Or maybe I don’t want to admit that, for some small amount of time, that jerk had my girl. Fuck .

When I took Milo for a walk earlier, I couldn’t stop replaying the night.

Her grandmother’s revelation about how lonely and broken Bella was as a child.

Her mother’s refusal to admit any wrongdoing.

That jackass cornering her, and the realization that there was actual love attached to his disgusting obsession.

And the words her mother said to her? Fuck. The revulsion in her voice when she told Bella she hated her. Her own daughter, who never received any kindness or care her entire life.

I hate her mother.

And I hate Kevin just as much. He’s a fucking manipulator.

He used his wife’s hatred toward her own daughter to isolate Bella.

He earned her trust then made her dependent on him.

He nurtured the submissive nature she’s been trying to break free from.

He’s the real reason she was a pushover, not just her mother.

This man groomed her for years. But why?

Did he actually intend to make her his eventually?

Would he have ever found the balls to try?

I can only imagine what went on in Kevin’s mind when he realized his stepdaughter had a boyfriend. I bet he was furious, the sick fuck.

He didn’t even try to hide how he felt about her tonight. It just…stung. The revelation was brutal, though I can’t explain why.

Because she lied to me?

Technically, she didn’t lie—he did rape her, and more than once.

Because she didn’t trust me enough to tell me the whole truth?

She told me her truth, the one she wanted to believe.

The victim falling for her abuser. Even though I understand all that, I’m still torn.

A storm is coming, brewing inside my chest, its force compounding with every breath. I don’t want to just have sex with her. I want to fuck her so hard she’ll forget any other man. I want her to scream my name while she comes. I want to work her over so thoroughly her body and mind turn to Jell-O.

I want to own her. Forever.

“Xander.” Her voice draws me out of my thoughts. She arches back and rubs her eyes. “Are you okay?”

My gut clenches. “No.”

She cups my face, her expression full of fear and pain. “What can I do to make you feel better? What do you want?”

“You.”

Her lips part, and her pupils dilate instantly. Fuck . She wants it too.

“Are you sure?” she whispers, her hair falling over her face. “Aren’t you disgusted with me? With my decisions? You heard what my mother?—”

In one fluid movement, I haul her to my chest and press my lips to hers. How can she still be so oblivious to how I feel about her? There’s nothing in this world that could change my mind about her, about my feelings for her.

My love for her is so intense that when she leaves a room, she takes all my breath with her. When she isn’t with me, when I can’t touch her, it’s like there’s no more oxygen. My love for her is everything.

I wouldn’t trade our love for anything, not even another Super Bowl win.

“Don’t talk like that.” I pull her bottom lip between my teeth, making her whimper. “Your mother is a bitch. Her words don’t mean a thing.”

“But—”

I slide my hands under her tee and palm her breasts, pulling a low moan from her before I press open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. I only stop when I’ve reached her nipple. I bite it through her T-shirt, and she rakes her fingers through my hair, her nails scratching my scalp.

Jesus Christ, I love when she does that.

“Xander.”

With my hands at her hips, I push down her shorts, and when I toss them to the floor and the coolness of the room envelops her body, she shivers.