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GOODNIGHT, ALEX

BELLA

A year and one month ago

July

Instead of going home, I went to my aunt’s.

When she noticed my mood was off, I blamed it on being worried about dinner with my mom.

I didn’t mention the photos or the doubts about Xander that consumed me.

It wasn’t a total lie, though it’s rare I’m not completely honest with Millie.

But after the way I broke down at Kat’s studio, I’m too drained to get into it again.

After assuring my aunt I was fine, I finally headed home, but I can’t bring myself to get out of the car. From where I sit in the driveway, the house is dark and unwelcome.

Is he still with his agent? Or is he with Stacey again?

I shake my head, cursing myself. If I want to change my life, I have to stand up for myself.

My phone rings as I’m finally climbing out of the car.

“Bella, hey,” Tom hedges when I answer. From his timid tone, I can guess why he’s calling. The photos. They probably went live, just like Jim told me they would.

“How are you? How’s Ben?” I lock my car and lean against the driver’s side door. Night is slowly descending over the streets, wresting control from the day. I love when it’s dark. It matches the darkness that shrouds my soul.

He huffs. “This event he’s organizing has been driving him up the wall. Add in wedding prep, and he’s been snapping at me.”

I sigh. “At me too.” I push off the car.

“Sorry. I’m sure you didn’t deserve it.”

“Thanks.” I adjust my bag on my shoulder and head for the front door. “Did you want something? Or did you just call because you miss me?”

“I do miss you.” Tom chuckles. “Though there is a reason, and I hate to bring it up?—”

“If you’re calling about the photos, don’t worry. I knew about them already.”

“Oh, thank God!” He heaves a sigh of relief. “Wait—that sounded stupid. I’m just happy I didn’t have to be the bearer of bad news. How did you find out about them? You hate gossip blogs.”

“I had a run-in with a paparazzo.” Head lowered, I focus on the ground in front of me as I shuffle up the sidewalk. “He ambushed me this morning. Guess he wanted information about the girl.”

“Considering every blurb I’ve read calls her a ‘mystery blonde,’ I take it you didn’t tell him anything.”

“You’re correct.”

“Do you know who she is, though?”

“Curiosity killed the cat, Tom.” I clomp up the porch steps, then turn and sit on the top one.

“Thank God I’m not a cat.” He bursts out laughing.

I snicker. He’s never going to change.

“Who is she?”

“It’s his ex-girlfriend, Stacey.”

“Okay…why is he spending time with her?”

“I don’t know,” I say. The words come out strangled.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Stacey and her mother own an event planning company. Audrey hired them to plan her baby shower.”

“Wow, wow, wow,” Tom says. His voice is so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “Okay, I won’t ask why his sister didn’t hire Ben’s company so you could help her, but what does any of that have to do with him and his ex? How did they even reconnect?”

I tell him about the dinner Audrey invited us to two weeks ago, how Stacey showed up.

“What the fuck? Audrey is torturing you! It’s manipulation! Why didn’t Xander put her in her place?” he asks, his voice trembling with anger. “His sister needs a reality check—and to mind her own business!”

“Why?” I let out a humorless laugh and stand. “Because she wants me gone. Now that he’s hanging out with his ex—and hiding it from me—maybe she’s succeeding.”

As I pick up my bag, movement on my left catches my eye. But when I turn, all I find are trees and shadows. I stay planted, waiting for another movement, but the rustling of branches is all I get.

“Bella?” Tom says. “Do you want to come over? Or I can come to yours?”

“No. Everything’s going to be okay. Really.” I stick my key into the lock. “I’ll ask Xander about the photos, about why he’s hanging out with her in secret. If he’s not who I think he is, it’s better to let him go now. I’d prefer to break my own heart rather than give him that power.”

“I understand,” he says, his voice soft. “Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“I don’t think I’ll be in the mood to talk tomorrow. I’ve been summoned to dinner with my mother.”

“Don’t go alone, please,” he says. His concerned tone causes tears to prick at the backs of my eyes. “No matter what happens between you and Walker, don’t go there alone. Call me, and I’ll come with you.”

“Okay.” Chest aching with a mix of gratitude for Tom and heartache over Xander, I step inside. “Bye.”

Just as I suspected, he isn’t home. Without turning the lights on, I make my way to the bedroom. I have no trouble navigating in the dark. I know this place like the back of my hand.

I love it here .

For a little while, I had a place where I felt safe, loved, appreciated. I created so many great memories inside this house, every one of them heartwarming and passionate. Happy memories. Full of love and affection.

But today has taken a toll on me. My happy memories have already begun to fade, and in their place, unhealthy fantasies have blossomed.

I’m tired of myself, of my constant doubts and insecurities, of the way they block the path to what could be a happy life. A life in which I’m sure of myself no matter what.

I crave that kind of life.

I’m fucking desperate for it.

God, I need a therapist. I know it, but I keep putting it off.

“Milo?” I call, but I’m only met with silence.

Maybe Xander is walking him.

I unlock my phone and stare at the screen. Eight p.m. It’s been almost twelve hours since he left the house, and I haven’t received a single call or text, not even a reply to my own text to him. It’s like Stacey occupies his mind now, and I’ve stopped existing.

Again . I’m letting a man trample all over me again. This time, though, I plan to face the problem head-on rather than torture myself with my suspicions.

I rotely drop my purse near my laptop, then change into blue cotton shorts and a white tee. Meticulously, I wash my face and comb my hair. As I’m stepping out of the bathroom, the front door opens and shuts again, followed by the sound of Xander’s voice.

“Yeah, my dog is lazy… I’m sure he won’t be. Uh-huh… Thank you for showing me that place today. Bye, Stace.”

The crack in my heart fissures a little more. I was right. He was with her. That’s why he didn’t bother to check on me.

With a shake of my head, I step back into the bathroom. I brush my teeth, leaving the water running; the sound calms my frayed nerves. I’d do just about anything to stop the thoughts that are pummeling me. To stop hurting.

I want to forget.

When I’m finished, I hesitate in the hallway. He’s in the kitchen, probably feeding Milo and refreshing his water.

I haven’t eaten anything since this morning, but my appetite is nonexistent. The pit that has taken up residence in my gut since my encounter with the pap this morning won’t allow it. So, I go back to the bedroom and lie on the bed, staring up at the ceiling in the dark.

After a moment, I force myself to turn onto my side. I flip on the bedside lamp and take my Kindle from the nightstand. The sapphic romance I started last night is really good. With any luck, it’ll help me calm down before I have to confront Xander.

I’m sitting up against the headboard, finishing a chapter, when the door cracks open and Xander walks in, dressed in his sweatpants and a white tee. His eyes land on me, and his beautiful smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. I love it so much, but tonight, it only pierces my heart.

“Hey, baby. Didn’t know you were home.”

“Hey.” I drop my gaze to my e-book, though the words are a blur. Was he so absorbed in his conversation with her that he didn’t even notice my car in the driveway? “I got home twenty minutes ago.”

“Lunch with Meg turned into dinner?” His tone is light as he heads to the walk-in closet.

“I didn’t see Meg today.”

He stops near the end of the bed, his brow creasing. “No?”

“No.” I bow my head over my book again. Not that I can actually read in this state, but I can’t look at him while I work out how to ask my questions without sounding like a jealous girlfriend.

“Okay.” He proceeds to the walk-in closet, and when he comes out, he’s in nothing but his briefs. “Do you want to watch something?”

“I have my book, thank you.”

Ask me what’s wrong.

That’s what I want to yell at him, but I keep my cool.

“Fine.” With a shrug, he picks up his laptop. He settles in beside me, dropping his phone onto the comforter. But within seconds, he straightens and scans the room. “Where are my AirPods?”

Without waiting for a response, he hops up and strides out of the room.

I swear, when he goes, he takes all the air with him. He’s circling, working out the best way to approach me. It’s obvious. All he needs to do is to ask. I’d tell him everything. Anything. He knows how Jake treated me, how he cheated and lied.

Yet he’s still keeping secrets from me.

His phone buzzes where it’s lying facedown on the mattress. Then again. And again.

For fuck’s sake .

I drop my Kindle and snatch the device, which continues to buzz in my hand.

One after another, text messages appear.

I don’t unlock the screen, don’t look at the content.

It’s enough that I see her name at the top of each notification bubble.

Teeth gritted, I toss his phone back onto the bed and pick up my Kindle.

I stare at the page, but letters refuse to form into words.

“Left them in my duffel bag.” He reappears, holding up his AirPod case and chuckling.

The second he locks eyes with me, his expression falls. He edges closer and sits on the bed beside me. “Is something wrong? Are you angry with me?”

“You have some new messages…from Stacey.”

“Did you go through my phone?” He picks it up and looks at the screen.