Page 31

I NEED A PLAN

XANDER

August

“Hey, buddy,” I say to Milo as I step into the foyer.

He’s sitting by the door, his head tilted to the side, and I swear his expression is accusatory. Clearly, he didn’t like being left alone all night.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

With a huff, he pads over to me, then plops onto his butt. I clip the leash to his collar and turn, but as I take a step forward, I’m met with resistance.

“What’s wrong with you?” I turn and kneel in front of him. “You had food, water, a place to sleep.” Head lowered, I scratch behind his ear. “Practice starts in two hours. I figured you’d want to take a walk before that. Would you rather stay home?”

He doesn’t even wag his tail; he just continues to look at me as if I’m one big disappointment. And, damn, if he isn’t right. I lack motivation in every aspect of my life. All my days are the same—one super long Groundhog Day . Love that for me.

I grit my teeth, my aggravation getting the best of me. “Whether you want to or not, we’re going for a walk.” I stand and scoop him up before I stomp outside.

I’m exhausted, and my head is pounding. I stayed at my parents’ house last night.

I would’ve taken Milo, but Dad’s health took a hit last month, and they don’t need any more stress.

It plagues me, my fear for my dad’s well-being.

It makes it hard to eat and sleep, steals all my energy, my desire to do anything but just exist. Thank God training camp has started.

Football is my only salvation these days.

I’m determined to focus all my attention on my career.

I just hope it pays off when the season starts.

I can’t guarantee I’ll survive today’s practice after sleeping like absolute shit last night, but I’ll do my best. My teammates don’t deserve my shitty mood.

Halfway down the street, I take my phone out of my pocket to check the time, only to discover it’s dead. Shit . I put it away, and once Milo has done his business, I head back to the house. Charging my phone before practice is a must. I need to be available in case Mom needs something.

My phone probably died because I spent at least an hour staring at Bella’s Instagram feed last night. Every picture she posts oozes happiness. She’s moved on, found a new guy, while I am the jealous ex-boyfriend who can’t forget her.

Though I’m in a hurry, Milo clearly isn’t. He strolls lazily back to the house, sniffing every bush and blade of dead grass. This dog is something else, I swear. I should’ve encouraged Bella to take him with her. It would’ve been better. For all of us.

My Lamborghini Urus moves gracefully, almost silently, passing car after car.

Never in my life could I have imagined selling my Porsche, but the moment I saw this sleek black car, I fell in love.

I bought it two months ago, and the excitement hasn’t worn off.

Driving it is even better than sex—okay, better than sex with anyone who isn’t Bella. She’s… Fuck .

I shut down that train of thought, chiding myself for obsessing about her once again.

“Hey, Walker!” Miller’s voice startles me as I climb out of my car. “Cutting it a little close, aren’t you?”

Irritation flashes through me, but I choke it back. “I could say the same about you.”

“I overslept.” He shrugs, falling into step with me.

The jerk won’t leave me alone, no matter how many times I tell him to stay away from me.

We’re teammates. We should learn to coexist. Or do you want our differences to make our game go to shit?

He’s manipulative as fuck. Unfortunately, Coach supports him. His focus is on keeping the peace and winning, so I’m forced to oblige. That two-week suspension last year was the only lesson I needed.

Thankfully, the field is the only place I need to tolerate Miller’s smug face.

“What about you? You oversleep too? Have a hot girl keeping you up?”

I don’t have a girlfriend. I haven’t slept with anyone since Bella left me. Even on days I was mad at her for breaking up with me and moving on, I couldn’t stomach the idea of touching another woman, let alone fucking her.

“None of your business,” I rasp, picking up the pace.

The glint in his eye irritates me.

“Whatever you say, Walker.” Jake laughs, keeping stride with me. “You’re pathetic.”

I purse my lips and open the door of the locker room. The rest of the guys are already here, and when we step inside, they all look at Miller and me. One or two grin, like they actually think this motherfucker and I are buddies. Gross . Just the thought sickens me.

“What’s up?” Jake’s deep voice behind my back makes me cringe, even though he’s no longer talking to me.

Every word out of his mouth—every look, every move—rankles me, and I have no idea how to fix it. Short of leaving the team or smashing his head into the wall. Or both. Though the second one would definitely be more satisfying.

I change quickly, my mind reeling so wildly that when Drew speaks, I don’t register the words.

It’s something about his son. Fuck. Get it together, Walker. The last thing I want is to be a shitty friend. Drew is a saint, putting up with all my bullshit, covering for me even when I clearly don’t deserve it.

“Sorry, man. Can you say that again?” I stand from the bench and face him head-on. “My mind is shit today. I spent the night at my parents’ house, and I’m exhausted.”

“How’s your dad?” He takes a step closer and lowers his voice.

I shrug instead of answering.

My father was diagnosed with type one diabetes two months ago. A month later, his vision deteriorated so badly, he can only see silhouettes now. It was so out of the blue, I still have a tough time accepting it.

Instead of the strong man I knew, full of life and plans for the future, my dad has been turning into a shell of himself.

Mom and I have been trying to convince him to fight for his health, but he’s pretty much given up.

It pisses me off. His wife needs him. He has a grandson.

He leads a full life surrounded by people who love him, yet he’s letting his diagnosis defeat him.

“Same old.” I purse my lips.

My dad taught me to stand up for my beliefs, to fight for what’s mine. I’ve looked up to him my entire life. Now, it’s my turn to build him up, help him through this low point and show him his life isn’t over. Right now, though, I’ve got no clue how to do that.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Drew pats my shoulder. “If you need anything, I’m here, okay?”

I dip my chin. “Thank you, really.”

This friendship is one of the strongest I’ve ever had.

My whole life, I’ve dealt with people who are jealous of my success.

That jealousy often led them to try and bring me down, spreading lies behind my back or undermining me with the intent of destroying my confidence.

Drew doesn’t give a shit about any of that.

He’s a talented player, his heart is in the right place, and his beliefs are remarkably similar to mine.

“How’s Travis?”

Drew’s face instantly lights up with a smile. He loves his little boy to no end. His wife too. Kelly is adorable and kind. More than once, she wanted to introduce me to some of her friends, but Drew shut her down.

I’m not interested in a relationship. The only girl I want is taken.

“He learned a new word.” Drew’s smile is infectious. “It’s ‘dad’!”

“That’s really great. Congratulations,” I tell him as we head out to the field.

“Thanks. It felt amazing to finally hear him say it, not just, ‘mom, mom, mom.’”

I huff a laugh. “What does Kelly think about it?”

“She’s been indulging me. She asked him over and over, ‘Who’s that?’ while pointing at me, and he answered ‘Dad’ every time.”

“She’s a smart woman.”

“She’s incredible.” Drew sighs dreamily. “My friends always said she was wife material, and they were right.”

I cross my arms over my chest. As happy as I am for him, those words only remind me of my own failure.

Drew opens his mouth to say something else, but Coach’s arrival silences us all.

It’s time to get back to what we do best. Football.

Coach stops beside me at the end of practice. “You did great today.”

Really? My back is sore, my right side covered in bruises.

It’s what I get, I suppose. All day, my mind has drifted, leaving me vulnerable to Drew’s tackles. Surely Coach picked up on my shit performance.

“Xander, look at me, please.”

I hold back a sardonic laugh. There it is. With him, nothing goes unnoticed. He just pities me. He knows about my dad.

“I’ll do better next time,” I assure him, teeth clenched so hard my jaw aches.

“Listen to me.” Coach takes a step closer, putting his hand on my shoulder. “ You did great today . I mean it. Your life isn’t easy right now, yet you’re still working hard to succeed and be the leader your team needs. I appreciate it.”

“Thanks, Coach.” I force a smile, though when pain radiates through me, it turns into a wince.

“Maybe you should see a trainer.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine.” I scoop up my helmet. “I’ll be more careful next time.”

“I believe in you, Walker,” he says with a pat on my back. “See you on Tuesday. Try not to be late.”

“I’ll do my best.” With that, I head back to the locker room, eager for a shower and some sleep.

Drew and Marco join me in the hallway. They flank me, and the glances they keep throwing at each other aggravate me.

I stop in my tracks and whip around with a glare. “What?”

“Practice was rough.” Drew shakes his head. “I’m headed for a massage after this,” he says quietly. “What about you?”

“Home. I want to go home.” I frown. “Is there something you want to talk to me about?”

“Yeah.” Marco scans the hallway, avoiding my gaze, then zeroes in on Drew.

I swear they have an entire conversation without saying a word.

“And? What is it?”

“The thing is…” Marco rubs the back of his neck. “Meg doesn’t think you should know this, but that doesn’t sit right with me.”

I cringe. “Please don’t make me the reason you and your girlfriend argue.”

“We’ll be alright.” He straightens and takes a deep breath. On the exhale, he says, “Bella is coming home.”

Those four simple words send my heart racing. “What?”

“We know how hard it all was for you,” Drew says. “The breakup, Miller, your dad. We’ve done our best to avoid bringing Bella up, but with her coming back, it didn’t feel right not to clue you in.”

“But…” I trail off.

They don’t know I created a fake account so I could follow her, so I can’t tell them I know a little about her life. She looks so happy. I was sure she’d stay in New York. What about her boyfriend?

“She finished the program and has an internship lined up. But it doesn’t start for a while, so she’s coming home to spend time with her family.” Marco breaks into a grin. “She’ll be at our first game.”

My lungs seize up.

She’ll be at our game?

Fuck. I need a plan.