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FIFTY-FIVE

ELI

There was a moment at Ma’s grave when the world grew quiet. Nothing but Lee’s tears soaking my shirt, and mine falling silently on her hair, the air heavy with all the ways we’ve never allowed each other to just be there, the way we should have been all along.

Both of us have been too stuck in our pride, expecting the other to give instead of take, not realizing that life is a balancing act.

Sitting in front of Ma’s headstone with nothing but the whisper of the wind and our overdue confessions, Lee opened up about Lily and her fear of failing Pops. I told her how I used Sarah to numb the pain of Becca leaving and to try to appease Ma’s memory so the nightmares would stop.

It’s hard being vulnerable, purging your deepest truths and laying them down to be judged, but it’s also purifying to no longer hold it alone. And maybe if I had given Lee the support when she needed it, she would have been more invested in supporting me. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt the need to lock everything away—hide the burden of my missteps where no one could see.

But you can’t grow in the dark. You’ll shrivel and wilt until you’re nothing but dried up remnants scattered along the ground.

Lee inviting me to dinner is just another step to our healing. I didn’t expect Becca to be here, looking the way she does and making my heart scream with reminders of what we used to be. What we could be again if only I’d let her in.

I realize it isn’t fair to say one thing and mean another. And I wish, so damn bad, that I could dive inside her brain and learn all the reasons why she left. How she could say she loved me but break me so easily. Maybe then I could reconcile the Becca from my past with the woman she is now and we could find some way to move forward.

“So.” I set down my napkin, looking at Lee. “Next week is the first family day at Stepping Stones.”

Lee’s fork pauses halfway to her mouth. “Mmhm. Mark mentioned it on the phone.”

I nod, leaning back in my chair. “You wanna drive up there together?”

She sighs, dropping her fork to her plate. “I don’t know, Eli. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, does Daddy even want me there?”

“I’m sorry, what exactly is family day?” Becca interrupts.

My eyes slide to her, surprise flowing through me that she doesn’t already know. I guess I assumed Lee would have talked to her about it by now. “It’s a day visit to the rehabilitation center. They have a group session for family members, and we have one-on-ones with Pops.”

I’m nervous about what I’ll find when I get there. Afraid that Pops will be even more pissed off at the world now that he doesn’t have the drink to numb his senses. I don’t really know what to expect, other than what Mark has told us. Not sure Pops will even want to see us.

Chase nods. “That’s great. You gonna go?” he asks Lee.

Lee looks over to him. “I was gonna tell you. I just hadn’t had the chance yet. I only found out today.”

He smiles, leaning in and kissing her lips. Something yanks at my chest as I watch them love each other so completely. So openly. Envy lurks through me, knowing Lee was able to let her love overshadow the hurt and let Chase back in her life.

I wonder how she did it.

“That’s okay, baby,” Chase whispers. “Sounds like the meetings, you know?”

“What meetin’s?” Becca chimes in, stealing the question from my lips.

Chase clears his throat. “Nar-Anon meetings. Recovery for family members who have someone struggling with addiction.” He looks to me. “It’s actually something I was planning to invite you to, Eli…if you want to go.”

My stomach jolts. A recovery group? I’ve only experienced Pops’s addiction for the past month. It hasn’t had time to settle in and affect me. I feel fine.

I shake my head. “That’s nice, man, but I don’t feel like I really need it.”

He bobs his head, his dimples showing with his smile. “Well, the offer’s there. Maybe we’ll talk again after ‘family day.’”

“That group of yours like therapy or somethin’?” Becca asks.

Chase shrugs. “A little bit, I guess.” His eyes flick to mine. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

I shift in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable with the way the conversation has headed. Becca’s attention jumps to me at the movement, her head cocking to the side. And then she just stares with that green gaze of hers, watching me until I can’t breathe.

“I don’t know,” she says slowly. “That doesn’t sound so bad.” She shrugs, her gaze never leaving mine. “Not that I have experience with therapy. Not yet anyway.”

My brow arches. “Not yet?”

“That’s right. Got my first meetin’ on Tuesday.” She takes a bite of her food and smiles.

“You’re seeing a therapist?” My stomach flips at the thought.

“Yeah, what about it?” Her shoulder lifts. “Everyone could use a little therapy.”

“Especially you,” Chase mutters.

Her head snaps over. “Watch your mouth, dick . Don’t make me take back all the nice things I’ve been sayin’ about you.”

Chase chuckles, and my chest warms at her sass.

That damn mouth .

This is nice. I can almost convince myself it’s a regular family dinner. That we haven’t been estranged in all the ways that matter. I can almost pretend that being around Becca doesn’t make me feel like a live wire on the verge of sparking—jumping between all the ways I want her, and all the reasons why I shouldn’t.

But more than anything, this dinner gives me hope. And that’s something I haven’t felt in a long time.

* * *

Stepping Stones is in a beautiful area. Tucked away in the Smokies, it has the vibe of a retreat, more than a rehabilitation center. A tranquil setting, surrounded by blooming flowers and maple trees, hiding the struggles that exist inside its walls.

It’s been a month since I dropped Pops off here. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since, and neither has Lee. We’ve been relegated to getting general updates from Mark and even those are vague.

“Dang, this place is pretty,” Lee says as we walk toward the front doors.

I hum my agreement. I would speak, but anxiety is making my tongue thick and my stomach jumbled. My mind is racing a hundred miles a minute, wondering where things are going to lead from this visit. If Pops is putting in the work to heal. If he’s mad I brought him here in the first place. If Lee is ready to deal with whatever happens once we walk inside.

Mark meets us at the front desk and steers us to his office.

Lee’s chewing on her lip, as soon as we sit down. Mark walks to the other side of his desk, his brown hair bobbing as he leans back in his office chair and smiles at Lee.

“You must be Alina. Your father’s told me a lot about you.”

She sucks in a breath. “He has?”

Mark smiles, nodding. “He has.” He turns to look at me. “Eli, nice to see you again. You two ready for this?”

“Yep.” My calf muscle burns from how fast my leg is bouncing. “What exactly should we expect?”

“I won’t lie to you. It won’t be easy. There’s a lot that goes into family therapy, but it’s good that you’re here. It’s important to show your father that you’re willing to put in the work.”

“And is he?” Lee interrupts. “Puttin’ in the work, that is? So he can get better?”

“He is.” Mark grins. “But there’s no black and white, Alina. Recovery is one day at a time. Sometimes it’s easy, and other times it leaves you broken and bruised. The important thing is that he wakes up, puts on his armor, and fights like hell. He chooses to be the best version of himself, and every second he does is a win. He’ll need your support, which is why your recovery is just as crucial to his success as his own.”

A chuckle bursts out of me, even though nothing about what he’s saying is funny. “What do you mean our recovery?”

“Exactly what I said. Addiction is a family disease, Eli. It affects all of you.”

Why does everyone keep saying that?

Lee sniffles, and I see her nod from the corner of my eye. My heart wrenches against my ribs at her emotion. At her agreement with what he’s saying.

“So, how will it all work?” Lee’s hands wring together in her lap.

“Well, this morning we have a group session for all of the family members. Then this afternoon, you’ll be with your dad during his session.”

“ Just during his session?” I thought we’d get to spend the day with him. Finding out we don’t makes the ball of anxiety mutate into a stinging irritation that pricks at my skin.

Mark’s lips pull into a straight line. “It was his request to only see you both in that particular setting.”

My stomach tangles and twists, worry pouring into every pore of my body over how Lee will handle knowing Pops doesn’t want us here. I’m used to disappointment from him, but I’m not sure what their dynamic is these days.

“He doesn’t wanna see us?” Lee’s voice breaks, her words slow and thick.

Mark leans forward in his chair, settling his elbows on the desk. “This isn’t a reflection on you. It’s very common with people in the stage of recovery your father is in. It can be…overwhelming to face the people you love.” He pauses, watching Lee’s face carefully. “I know it’s hard—trust me, I know . But it’s a hell of a thing you’re doing, showing up for him this way. Letting him set his own boundaries and then respecting them is what he needs from you right now.”

She nods, wiping her tearstained cheeks with the back of her hands. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Mark taps his knuckles on the desk. “Group starts in half an hour. I’ll take you to the conference room and you can help yourself to refreshments until it’s time. You two ready?”

I blow out a breath, the weight of his words settling heavy on my shoulders.

I thought Pops coming to rehab would cure him. That he’d work on his issues and come home, where we could make sure he stays on the straight and narrow.

I didn’t realize it would be like this .

But even if I don’t understand it, I’ll try like hell to learn, so I can be here by Lee’s side, and by Pops’s, every step of the way.