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TWENTY-ONE

BECCA

“What are you doing for Christmas break?”

I grimace in Sabrina’s direction, taking a bite of sushi instead of answering her.

She sighs, dropping her chopsticks, leaning forward on our couch. “Are you planning to ignore me all night?”

“I’m not ignorin’ you. I just don’t have anything to say about it, is all.”

Sabrina stares, her gaze searing into the side of my face. I avoid eye contact, which is something I’ve found myself doing more of lately, ever since I’ve been with Eli.

It’s exhausting, keeping this secret, and I’m sick of hiding it. Over the past month, I’ve slowly come to terms with the fact that maybe I do want to be with him. I like him, no matter how many times I try to convince myself I don’t.

Still, that noose around my neck dangles, threatening to pull tight with every twitch of my heart.

“Are you going home?” Sabrina prods.

I shrug. “Momma keeps callin’ every other day, tryin’ to strong-arm me. It’s not gonna happen, though. Once I go back, I reckon they’ll never let me leave again. Diploma be damned.”

Sabrina rolls her eyes. “They can’t hold you hostage.”

My lips turn down. “You’d be surprised at what my old man can do.”

She looks down, fiddling with the wooden chopsticks on her sushi tray. “Well, I think it’s ridiculous. You’re a grown woman. You have rights.” She crosses her arms.

I smile at her. “Oh, girl. It’s adorable you think Sugarlake, Tennessee, or anyone in it gives a damn about my rights.”

Her forehead scrunches. “Your dad’s one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met.”

Confusion tilts my head. “Technically, you haven’t ever met him. But…can’t really argue your point.”

“Yeah…” She takes another bite of sushi. “I guess you’ll have the place to yourself if you decide to stay. I’ll be in Colorado with the fam. They rented a cabin so we could ski.”

My stomach clenches at her words. My mind wanders, thinking of what it would be like to spend it with Eli. No interruptions. No friends to steal me away. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, I grab my phone and send a text.

Me:

Whatcha doing for Xmas, big head?

Eli:

You, hopefully.

I bite my lip, a tingle pricking between my legs.

He texts again.

Eli:

You’re not going home?

Me:

That depends. If I stay with you, can we get a tree?

Why the hell did I say that? It’s dumb, and I feel stupid for asking.

Last week, he told me Christmas was his favorite holiday even though he usually spends it alone. We got into a debate because I feel completely the opposite.

The truth is, I don’t think there’s a holiday I hate more. Growing up, all my friends spent the time loving on their families and spreading Christmas cheer. Mine was spent listening about our savior, Jesus Christ, and reading scripture. Our tree was set up before I even had a chance to know it was in the house—tucked in the corner and pristine in its glory.

Sometimes, I’d try to touch it, marveling in the twinkly white lights and crystal ornaments. That was always a quick way to get a wooden spoon on the butt. After all, Christmas isn’t for the children. It’s for celebrating Jesus. No reason to indulge in silly traditions like Santa or throwing on cheesy Christmas songs while we decorate the tree. No hot chocolate by the fire while we read a story or cozy cuddles in front of the TV. I had presents, of course. Usually a new Bible or a nice Sunday outfit. Something to honor God and the fact he sent us his most precious gift—his only son.

My phone vibrates, bringing me out of my thoughts.

Eli:

Baby girl, if you stay with me for the holidays, I’ll get you the world.

My stomach flutters, and I bite my cheek to stifle the grin. I know he doesn’t mean it. We can’t even be seen together. But the thought of spending Christmas with him already feels like the best part of any world I’ve ever had.

* * *

To say my folks were unhappy with my decision would be an understatement. Not that Papa told me himself—I still haven’t heard from him since my first day in Florida.

Momma, on the other hand, has been screeching in my ear ever since I told her, talking about how bad it will look for me to not come home for the holidays. I let her words roll off my shoulders. I’ve gotten used to the disappointment that comes along with making my own decisions.

Just as I pull into Eli’s driveway, my phone rings. I look down, aching to see my folks’ name flashing across the screen, calling to wish me a Merry Christmas.

I should know better than to hope.

Lee.

I swear that girl has a sixth sense, calling and texting every time I’m sneaking around with her brother.

“Hey, girl!” I cringe at how high-pitched my voice comes across. I pray she doesn’t notice.

“Becca! Merry Christmas! We miss you around here.”

“I miss you too, sister. What ya got planned for tonight?”

“Not much. Just wranglin’ together a holiday dinner for Daddy and me.”

My brows furrow. “Y’all aren’t gonna go to the service?”

“No, Daddy’s not feelin’ too well, so we’re stayin’ in tonight.”

“That sucks. Just you and your old man, then?”

“Yeah.” She sighs. “Just got off the phone with Eli, but it was quick. He’s not here, so I didn’t really care to talk to him.”

The blood ices over in my veins, freezing me in place. I glance at Eli’s house. Guilt slams into my chest, cracking it open and pouring over my insides.

“Anyway, I gotta go check on the ham, just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and say how much I love you. I wish you were home.”

I blow out a breath, bile climbing my throat because while she’s busy mourning the absence of her brother, I’m about to walk in and revel in his time. “I love you, too. Give your daddy and Jax a kiss from me, all right?”

The line goes silent, and I toss my phone in my bag, banging my head against the steering wheel. I hate myself for the secrets. I look up, staring at Eli’s garage door. I should just start my car and reverse the hell out of his neighborhood. Go home while I still can.

When I raise my head, the front door is open with Eli resting against the frame, watching me. I take in his dark jeans, black polo, and messy blond hair, a fire striking low in my abdomen. The guilt withers away, perishing in the flames.

I jump out of my car, making my way to him.

“Hi, Big Head.” I smile.

He grins, gesturing me inside. I walk by him, but before I get far, I’m hauled back against his broad chest. His arms wrap around my waist, every hard inch of his body plastered to mine. I close my eyes, melting into him.

“Merry Christmas, baby girl.” His breath whispers along the wisps of my hair, goose bumps running down my arms.

I look over my shoulder and grin, pushing off him and walking into his living room. I only make it a few feet before stopping in my tracks. There’s a gigantic tree standing tall, perfectly showcased in front of his floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook the ocean. Christmas music floats softly through the air.

My hands brace against my chest.

Eli comes next to me, palms in his pockets, rocking back on his heels while he gazes at the tree. “Do you like it?”

My lips twitch. “Little plain.”

He smirks, lacing our fingers and pulling me behind him until I can smell the pine. I scan the area, surveying the boxes and bags stacked neatly in the corner of the room, right in front of the fireplace. Stepping closer, I peer into them. Lights, ornaments, candy canes, stockings. It’s all here. Everything to make a perfect Christmas. I spin around, my gaze searching for Eli’s. He did all this for me?

“Well,” he starts. “I thought we could decorate it together.”

My heart pitches forward, dangling off the cliff of emotion that somehow only Eli can bring out in me. He wants to decorate the tree together.

A lump grows in my throat, and I bite back the tears that suddenly want to escape, because I don’t think there’s ever been anyone who has done something so simple but so meaningful in my entire life.

“This is too much, Big Head.” I force out.

He shakes his head and grips my other palm until both of our hands are intertwined in the small space between us.

A tear slips from the corner of my eye, and I drop his hold to wipe it away, embarrassment filling me up that he sees it. That something this simple can make me so damn emotional. But that’s what he does to me, I guess.

“I didn’t get you anything,” I say, shame filling me up. I don’t know why I didn’t. I just thought that it was going to be us raging against the holiday season in its entirety, I guess. I never thought he would do all this.

He smiles, tilting his head, his eyes soft and searching as they gaze into mine. “That’s okay. You give me enough just by being here.”

I scoff and roll my eyes like I don’t believe him, but his words hit me in the center of my chest anyway.

He moves forward then until he can grab my hips, and then he presses himself behind me, wrapping his thick arm around my waist and tugging me until my back is pressed flush against his front.

“I’m serious,” he whispers, his chin resting in the crook of my neck.

“About what?” I ask, staring at the giant pine tree and imagining how pretty it will look once we’re done. A lightness starts to fill me as I stare, a kid-like excitement that I’ve never really felt before.

“About you,” he replies.

My heart falters, butterflies exploding in my stomach. I twist my head to look at him.

His other arm appears and brushes the hair off my neck, and then he’s released me from his hold, but only for a second, only long enough for him to place something cool and shiny around my neck, his fingers leaving goose bumps in their wake as he affixes it around me.

He presses a chaste kiss to my shoulder, and then steps back.

I glance down, taking in my new piece of jewelry.

It’s a necklace. Platinum from the looks of it, with a basketball charm on the end. Reaching up, I hold it in my palm, something foreign and heavy filling me up from the inside out. My gaze catches on something engraved on the back side, and I hold the charm out to read the inscription.

#1 Player.

“What’s this?” I whisper, glancing up to look him in the eyes.

He shrugs, slips his hands in his pockets, and grins. “Just something to show the world you’re mine.”

I blink back the sting in my eyes and grasp his neck, pulling his lips down to meet mine.

One of the chains around my heart snaps and breaks.

I don’t bother trying to catch it as it falls.