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FORTY-SIX

ELI

Perching on the desk, I watch my sister with wariness. The faint scent of Becca lingers, making my heart pound against my chest, begging with every beat to chase after her. We’re nowhere near done with our conversation. There are still too many things left unsaid.

She doesn’t even know I broke off the engagement.

Lee’s voice cuts through the air. “While you were busy gettin’ your jollies with someone other than your fiancée, guess what you missed?”

I hate that she doesn’t use Becca’s name. Hate that she’s reducing her to a nonentity. My stomach twists in realization that this may have ruined their friendship. The one thing Becca was worried about all these years, and even though we aren’t together, it comes true.

“What’s that, Lee?” I sigh.

“I’ll tell you. Daddy gettin’ in a fight with the man of the hour, Sam. Bein’ a mess in front of the entire town and then stormin’ off drunk as a skunk. That’s what. Now he’s out there, drivin’, sloppy and upset.”

“What?” I jump up, the back of my legs stinging from where the desk pressed into them, but I’m too lost in visions of Pops behind the wheel to care. “Where’d he go?”

Before we left the house, I tried to talk him out of even coming to this party. It was a pathetic attempt, and I caved the second he raised his voice. I reasoned it wasn’t worth the fight—that I’d have my eyes on him the whole time anyway.

“How should I know, Eli? Hopefully home.” Lee shrugs.

My nerves are like ants, crawling through every cell, irritating me just enough to cause an itch. I pace back and forth, my jaw aching from the force of my gritted teeth. “Well, let’s go. We’ve gotta find him.”

Lee stiffens, her blue eyes piercing. “I’m not goin’. I just thought you should know.”

My arms fly out to the sides. “What do you mean you’re not going?”

She brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Look, if you wanna spend your time chasin’ after Daddy and the devil on his shoulder, be my guest. He’ll leave you in the dust, and all that’ll be left is you chasin’ your own tail.”

I can see the resolution in her stance, the strength in her posture. Meanwhile, here I am, breaths coming quick and my chest caving in at the mere thought of standing up to Pops.

Lee’s been taking care of him for years, shielding herself from weapons forged in the fire of his heartbreak.

Shame floods my chest and sticks to my bones, seeping through in every action.

When I’ve thought of Lee, I’ve always imagined the fresh-faced, naive girl she was before. But she’s not. She’s a phoenix, burning on a pyre and rising from the ashes, and the truth is that she’s stronger than I’ll ever be.

“I shouldn’t have left you to deal with him alone,” I whisper. “I should have come back. Should have done more.”

Her nostrils flare. “Now’s not the time, Eli. Literally any other day you’ve been here would have worked. But tonight? I don’t wanna hear it.”

She turns to walk out the door, and I rush after her, my stomach in knots from all the things I want to say. “Lee.”

She spins, her eyes icy.

My fingers tap against the outside of my thigh. “You don’t understand about Becca. It’s not… We aren’t… Just go easy on her, okay? You’re the best thing in her life, and she’d be devastated to lose you.”

Lee cocks her head. “You sure seem to know an awful lot about my best friend, Eli.”

The grief that coats my heart is heavy and thick, making the beats sluggish. I do know things about Becca.

I know about the spot behind her ear. The one I’d always kiss because I loved the way it made her moan. I know she has twenty-seven freckles along the bridge of her nose and that I would have spent the rest of my life tracing every single one while she slept, in awe of her beauty.

I know that I have loved her—every day—even in the darkest moments of my pain.

But I don’t know this Becca. The one who’s so afraid of her shine that she cowers in her parents’ shade. I don’t know how, after all this time, she can claim to love me, to have always loved me, but still run away when things get hard.

I don’t know this woman, and maybe that means I never really did.

“No. I don’t know her at all.”

Lee’s gaze pierces my chest with its intensity, but it doesn’t last for long. She blinks once and turns, walking out the door.

I follow behind, replaying the memory of Becca’s “I love you” and licking her taste from my lips. My muscles strain with the need to run and find her. Finish whatever it is we started before it’s too late and she leaves for good. But I tamp down the urge because even if I could forgive her, I’m not sure I should.

Becca isn’t meant to be mine. I think she’s meant to be a lesson.

I’ve learned we don’t always get what we want—what we think we need. We just survive, trying like hell to be better than we were the day before, hoping to ignore the darkness that looms in our heart.

I spot Sarah and head that way, eager to leave quickly and hunt down Pops. My chest twinges when I reach her, guilt sneaking in through my cracks and reminding me that I left her alone while I fucked another woman.

Except Becca isn’t another woman.

She’s the goddamn sun.

I shake off the thought. “Hey, you ready to go?”

Sarah nods, the spark that flared earlier tonight when she still claimed to be the “lucky lady” dying from her eyes. When we walk out those doors, the curtain is pulled on our relationship for good, and even though we both know it’s for the best, it still hurts.

I shouldn’t have let us pretend tonight. It did nothing except muddy the waters. Truthfully, I didn’t mean to put on such a show, but when Becca walked up with her body molded to the side of another man, I grabbed Sarah around the waist before I could think, pulling her into me and leaning on her like a crutch. Using her to keep me from tearing Jax’s arms from his body for daring to touch Becca’s skin.

“Is your sister okay?” Sarah asks.

My lips pull down. “Why would you ask that?”

She points behind me, and I twist to look. I find Lee in front of the bar, phone up to her ear and her face drained of color. Her hand shoots to Chase’s arm and even from across the room I can see the tightness in her grasp.

Something’s wrong.

My legs are taking me over there before I can think twice.

“Lee, what’s wrong?”

She stares up at me, her bottom lip trembling. “Daddy was in an accident.”

Her words are a swift punch to my gut and my lungs feel like they’re collapsing.

Not again.

“Is he… I mean…” I swallow. “Is he okay?”

“He’s okay. Locked up for the night.” She hesitates. “He hit a family, Eli.” She stumbles over the last of her words, and Chase is beside her quick, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear.

A pang of jealousy hits me as Chase supports her. I haven’t been dealing with Pops for as long as Lee has, but the difference in timing doesn’t mean I don’t ache to have someone to lean on. Someone who will rub my back and whisper in my ear that everything will be okay.

I clear my throat. “Don’t worry about Pops, Lee. I’ll pick him up in the morning and we’ll deal with it then.” My eyes bounce back and forth between her and Chase. “You just enjoy the rest of your night.”

Her breathing stutters and Chase’s arms tighten around her waist, feeding her his strength so she doesn’t have to search for her own.

“O…okay.” She nods.

I open my mouth to speak again, but the words don’t come. There’s nothing really left to say right now anyway. Nothing that can be fixed in a simple conversation, at least. So instead I go back to Sarah.

Pulling into Pops’s driveway, I feel a curdling in my stomach. Sarah’s quiet, her fingers twisting in her lap as she stares out the window.

This is it.

She heads to the guest room for the night, and I’m left glaring at the worn brown couch, dreading the kink in my back I’m sure to have when I wake up. But even through the lumps and springs, my eyes close the second my head hits the pillow.

When I wake up in the morning, Sarah’s gone, but it’s not her absence that causes the hollow ache in my chest. It’s the memory of Becca’s taste on my tongue and her words in my ear.

I loved you, all right? I still love you.