Page 26

TWENTY-SIX

BECCA

Three weeks. Twenty-one days. Five hundred and four hours. That’s how long it’s been since I found out Sabrina wasn’t staying in Florida, throwing all of my carefully laid plans out the window.

I haven’t figured anything out. I haven’t told anyone, either. I don’t need them trying to swoop in and solve my problems, and it will be a dark day in Hell before I admit to Papa I’m not sure I can hack it on my own.

I’ll figure something out.

But whatever it is, I need to figure it out quick because my folks get into town this weekend for graduation. For months, I’ve envisioned the joy I’d feel watching defeat settle into Papa’s eyes when he realized I have all my ducks in a row. That I don’t need him to swoop in and take care of everything the way he always has.

Now, the reality is bleak.

No jobs, even though I’ve been looking. No renewal of a lease. No money even if I wanted to renew it. And absolutely no sense of direction. In fact, the only thing that does feel right is being with Eli, which is another issue in itself because I promised myself a long time ago I’d never depend on a man to make me happy. It only leads to disappointment in the end.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Jeremy asks.

I peek at him from the couch. He’s inhaling two foot-long subs like it’s his last meal, and I scrunch up my nose, my stomach turning as I watch him.

“You gonna take a breath between bites? You’re lucky you’re not chokin’ to death.”

He sets down his sandwich, wiping a speck of mayo from the corner of his mouth, and points at me. “Don’t change the subject. You’re mopey, and I want to know why.”

I bite my lip, my fingers reaching up to tug on my split ends. “I’m not a robot, Jer. I’m allowed to feel different emotions. Sorry I’m not as peppy and carefree as you like.”

“Quit deflecting.”

Irritation spreads through my chest and I snap forward, leaning in and crossing my arms. “And what about you, huh? You’re the one pullin’ a disappearin’ act for the last semester. You don’t see me over here askin’ about your whereabouts. So leave my ‘mopey’ alone.”

He props his chin on his hand, a grin pulling at his cheeks. “You done?”

“Maybe.” I cross my arms. “What are you smilin’ about?”

“You. You’re so obvious. And I’m not as dumb as I look.”

My stomach jumps. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you and Elliot Carson are shit at hiding the fuck me eyes you give each other. You’re also terrible at sneaking into his hotel room when we’re on the road. You’re lucky it was me that saw you and not someone else.”

My heart stutters and I groan, my palms rubbing my eyes. “ Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit .” Jeremy slides over until he’s right next to me, grabbing a hand from my face and linking our fingers.

“Talk to me, girl. And also, tell me the dirty details. It’s so fucking rude you haven’t already. I’ve been forced to imagine things on my own and I know what I’m making up isn’t anywhere near as good as the real thing.”

The tangle in my chest loosens now that he knows, and a weight I didn’t realize was pressing down lifts from my shoulders. “There’s not much to tell. We shouldn’t be a thing, but somehow…it happened. And I can’t seem to stop, no matter how much I try.”

His brows furrow, a bit of the lightheartedness leaving his features. “Why should you? You two aren’t hurting anybody. In fact, you’ve been a hell of a lot more amicable. I think he must be fucking the sass right out of you.”

His grin fades more when he sees I’m still not laughing. “Oh, hell. He really is a sex god, isn’t he? And you’re in it deep.”

I lean back against the couch, sighing. “He really is.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“It’s just…complicated. He’s faculty. I’m a student.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes. “For like two more days. Next issue, please.”

“He’s Lee’s brother.”

“And you think she’d care?”

I chew on my lip as I ponder his question because the truth is, I’m not sure if she would.

“It just feels…disloyal. You know, we had a friend growin’ up, Lily.” I pause, swallowing down the anxiety that gnaws on my insides whenever I think too long about Lily.

She fell into a bad way when we were in high school and ran away, leaving everyone and everything behind. Thinking about her for too long is just another glaring reminder that everyone falls off the pedestal they’re placed on eventually. “Lily had this absolute dick of a brother. Lee fell hard for him, and Lily didn’t take too kindly to it. At all. Totally ruined their friendship. It makes me sick to think of the same thing happenin’ to us. Every time I think about coming clean and telling her, I remember what a disaster it was when it happened back then to Lee.”

Jeremy sighs, rubbing his palms down his jean-clad thighs. “Seems to me like she’d understand, since she’s been in your position.”

I blink at him, his words rolling around in my brain like loose puzzle pieces trying to slot into place. I hadn’t thought of it that way.

“Is it just sex?”

My heart skips at his question. I don’t want to put a label on my feelings for Eli.

If I say it, then it’s real.

“It’s not just sex,” I mumble.

His arms lift to the sides. “Then what’s the real issue here, Becca? Because your excuses are weak as hell.”

“What makes you think there’s an issue? Things are fine. Easy. They’ll probably fizzle out once summer starts, anyway.”

“Is that what you want?”

No. “I don’t mind it either way.”

Jeremy’s phone vibrates on the coffee table and he sighs, picking it up to look at the screen. He types out a text and sets it back down, his gaze swinging to me again.

“Look, I’m gonna say this, and then I’m gonna go.” His fingers tap on the top of his knee. “You asked where I’ve been.”

I nod.

“I met someone. Someone I’d—” He runs his hand through his hair, exhaling heavily. “Someone I’d be willing to risk everything for.”

I gasp, my hand reaching out to grip his. “Holy shit, Jer. That’s amazin’. Who is it?”

He shakes his head. “I won’t tell you that. He doesn’t want anyone to know. Won’t even admit it to himself, other than the times he’s in my bed. Which I guess I can’t blame him for, considering up until him, I’ve always felt like I needed to do the same.” His lips twist. “But I’ll tell you this, Becca. That feeling? The one where someone holds themselves back, even though you’re giving them everything you are? That feeling fucking sucks. It’s a disease. It sneaks in undetected and attaches to your cells, siphoning all the joy and all the love, until you’re a worthless shell.” He smacks his chest. “Until you start to hate yourself because how could you love someone who doesn’t want to love you back?”

His voice cracks, and he rubs a hand over his mouth, tears teasing his lower lids. “Don’t be the reason that man loses his heart. Not unless you plan to keep it safe.”

My throat tightens painfully around the sudden knot. I’m biting my cheek so hard I taste blood.

Jeremy cups my face in his hands, kissing my forehead. “You hear me, Becca? You’re better than that. Either be all in or let him go.”

Sucking in a stuttered breath, I nod.

Jeremy leaves a few minutes later, but the heaviness of our conversation lingers.

I don’t want to be Eli’s disease.

The next morning, my chest is tight—the weight of responsibility pushing down in a way I didn’t know it could. I’ve taken Jeremy’s words to heart. Slept on them, dreamed of them and woke up with a new outlook.

I’m going to try.

I’m all in.

The decision makes me antsy, impatience thrumming in my thoughts, wondering when I’ll be able to see Eli again. I’m headed to Coach Andrews’s office to pick up my final paycheck, and I’m hoping I run into him there.

I knock on the office door, a melancholy vibe weaving its way through my chest at the knowledge that after today, I won’t be here anymore. I’ve grown to love the atmosphere, the people and even the game itself. It’s sad knowing I won’t have it at my fingertips in the same way.

“It’s open.”

I turn the knob, walking in and almost tripping over my heels. Coach is behind his desk, a remote in his hand pointed at the projection screen. Eli is perched on the corner of the desk, and there’s a flash of strawberry-blond in my peripheral.

Great.

“Hi, y’all.” I wave.

Eli smirks at me, fire flashing through his eyes as he stares, unashamed. The heat from his gaze races across the room and slams into my cheeks, singeing them pink.

“Becca, good to see you. Miss you around here.” Coach smiles.

Clearing my throat, I focus in on Coach. “I miss it, too. Hope I’m not interruptin’ anything. I didn’t know when the best time to come by would be.”

I glance at the woman sitting to the side and do a double-take. She’s beautiful. And familiar. My eyes narrow as I try to place her.

“You’re never an interruption,” Eli’s voice pipes in.

I look toward him, smiling. He winks and my core clenches.

“All right.” I nod, turning back to the woman. She’s nagging at my brain.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” I can’t help myself. It’ll drive me up the wall if I don’t find out.

Her frown pulls down the corner of her eyes. “I don’t think so. I’m Sarah.”

“Huh. You just look so familiar, is all.” I tap my heel on the ground and shrug. “No matter.”

I graze my body on Eli’s arm as I walk by, reaching to grab the check from Coach’s hands. My nipples pebble against my shirt at the touch, and I feel Eli’s arm tense.

“It’s been a pleasure, y’all.”

“You did good this year, Becca. You love the game yet?” Coach leans back in his chair.

Eli’s eyes twinkle as he straightens off the edge of the desk. “I think she loves everything about it.”

I smirk. “Keep dreamin’, Big Head.”

He chuckles.

With one last wave, I swing around, walking out of Coach’s office for the last time.

It’s not until I’m driving home that I remember Sarah’s the girl from the bar.

When she was busy rubbing against my man, I only saw her profile or her back, so this was the first chance I had to take her in fully.

My solar plexus sours with jealousy, my knuckles turning white from my grip on the steering wheel.

Eli didn’t tell me she was the same woman.

I blow out a breath, attempting to talk myself down and believe in my man. But faith, once lost, is hard to find.