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TWENTY

BECCA

It’s been a month since Eli and I started whatever this thing is that we’re doing. A month of rendezvous at his house, longing looks on the court, and secret touches in the halls.

We’re not together. We couldn’t be even if I wanted—which I don’t . The guilt threatens to swallow me whole as it is. I’m fucking him, then calling his sister and acting like I don’t know his face from Adam.

I’m a terrible friend.

But I sure as hell can’t tell Lee. She’s pissed off at him enough, no need for me to widen their divide. Not when I can tell they both wish it would disappear.

Tonight is the first official game of the basketball season, and the arena is packed . Eli’s been working around the clock, so I haven’t seen him outside of practice all week. Even now, as I stand in the back of the locker room, I’m relegated to watching him from a distance. He’s calm, cool, and collected, like usual, but I see the tension in his posture. After so many nights of feeling every dip and ridge of his body, I can tell when it’s not his normal gait. I’d bet my bottom dollar he’s nervous.

He’s leaning against the far wall with his feet crossed, staring at whatever is written on his clipboard. His honey-blond hair is messier than usual, a sure sign he’s been tugging on it. A thought of how much I’d like to tug on it flashes through my mind.

His face snaps up, roaming the room until he finds me, and I’m sucked into his gaze. My stomach lights up like Pop Rocks, heart swelling in my chest. I break our stare, uncomfortable with whatever this feeling is.

We smoke the team we’re playing. One hundred forty to eighty-nine. Jeremy is a fantastic ballplayer, and the way Eli puts aside his animosity, embracing him after they win, has my chest bubbling with warmth. A pang of guilt hits my gut knowing it’s Jeremy’s fourth year playing, and this is the first time I’ve actually seen him in action.

Tack another one on the shit friend tally. Have I always been this self-centered?

I haven’t told him about Eli, and even if I wanted to, he’s been missing from my life a lot this semester. If I wasn’t so busy hiding secrets of my own, I’d probably be badgering him about where he’s been. As it is, it’s probably for the best he hasn’t been around. I already feel shitty enough not telling Lee. I’d rather not add my other best friend to that list. Plus, I’m worried Eli will lose his job if word gets out. It’s a dangerous game we’re playing, and if either of us had a lick of sense, we’d put a stop to it. Cut our losses and call it a day.

But no matter how many times I think it, I know I won’t.

I’m in the locker room after everyone has left, picking up the discarded towels and throwing them in the laundry bin to be washed. I hear the door open, straightening from where I’m bent, looking to see who it is.

Eli walks toward me.

“Hi, Big Head.” I smile, my stomach flipping at the sight of him.

He smirks, stepping into me, pushing until my back hits the lockers, my hair catching on the metal. His chest presses against mine, and his hands cup my face, thumbs brushing against my cheeks.

“I’ve come to claim my victory kiss.”

“Mighty presumptuous of you.” I quirk a brow.

“I don’t presume anything when it comes to you.”

“Oh, I beg to differ, you?—”

He steals the rest of the words from my mouth. My eyes flutter closed, losing myself to the bliss that is Eli’s lips. A deep-seated joy settles in my chest until every part of me is encased in the feeling.

What is he doing to me?

He breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

I nod, breathless from the emotion coursing through my body. It’s been happening more often lately—this feeling . Thinking about what it means makes nausea churn in my stomach, so I ignore it, content to be in the moment.

A door slams and Eli jumps back, leaning against the opposite lockers, his hands in his pockets. I hurry to pick up a towel from the floor.

“Anyone seen a sweet ass attached to a fiery redhead around here?” Jeremy’s voice rings across the room.

Eli’s eyes turn glacial and I cringe, a guilty rock sinking in my gut. I want to tell him about Jeremy. Let him know there’s nothing to be jealous of, but I can’t betray Jeremy’s trust. So I’m stuck on this teeter-totter with no way off—one where Jeremy doesn’t know not to flirt and the man I’m fucking has to stand back and think the worst.

“Hey, Jer.” I sigh.

“Hey, girl.” He picks me up off the floor in a bear hug. I look past his shoulder to see Eli’s fists clenching tight. My chest constricts around my lungs, a knot forming in my throat. I try to convey my apology through my eyes, but Eli breaks our stare, his face turning to the side.

Jeremy sets me down, and I back up immediately, throwing the dirty towel in the laundry bin.

“You coming out with me tonight to celebrate?” Jeremy wags his brows.

I swallow, not sure what to say. I hadn’t thought of a reason why I couldn’t, and now that I’m standing in front of him, I’m worried it will look suspect if I think of something on the spot. Eli’s eyes laser into me, and I know he’s waiting to hear my answer.

Jeremy hasn’t even noticed him yet.

“I don’t know, Jer. I’m tired. I might just go home and sleep.”

“That’s cool. I’ll come crash at yours, then.” He smiles and when I don’t immediately smile back, his grin lessens. A creak sounds from Eli straightening off the lockers, and Jeremy turns, noticing him for the first time.

“Coach! Goddamn, you’re like a ninja. I didn’t even know you were here.” He looks at Eli then back at me, his eyes narrowing the longer they bounce between us. “What are you doing in here?”

Eli’s jaw clenches and I see the coldness trickle through his irises. “Thought I’d check and make sure the locker room was cleared out before heading home.”

Jeremy’s chin lifts as he looks at me. I fidget under his stare, trying to blanket all my secrets and hide them from his view. But I’ve always been a shit liar, and Jeremy reads me better than almost anyone, so I’m not sure it works.

I glance at Eli one more time before focusing my gaze on Jeremy. “Yeah, Jer. That’s fine. Just let me finish up here, and I’ll meet you at my place.”

The redirection works, and Jeremy grins, leaning in and smacking my ass. “Sweet.”

Eli’s nostrils flare. Jeremy nods to him, waltzing out the door, and the sound of it clicking shut echoes off the concrete walls.

The silence that follows slices through my skin like a thousand knives, gripping my heart and holding it hostage.

I’m afraid for it to beat. My hand shoots up, twisting the ends of my hair.

“So that’s it, then, huh?” Eli asks.

My chest squeezes, but the intensity of my emotions throws me off-kilter. Why do I feel like I have something to apologize for? We’re not even in a relationship. This is ridiculous.

“What’s it ? What did you expect me to do, Eli?”

“I don’t know, Becca. Maybe not bail on me to sleep with the guy who claims you’re his ‘other half,’” he snaps.

“What was I supposed to say?” My hands hit my thighs. “Sorry, Jer, can’t hang out with you. I have plans with my best friend’s estranged older brother. Oh, he also happens to be your coach and my damn boss. You know, faculty at the school where I attend as a student!” My voice rises with each word.

Eli’s eyes narrow and he stalks toward me, clamping a palm over my mouth, stifling my voice and stuttering my breath. “Shut the hell up. You want the whole buildin’ to hear?”

I shake my head, heat flooding my core at his aggressive stance and tone.

What is wrong with me?

His eyes bore into mine, his hand pressing harder against my mouth. We’re frozen for long moments, until he finally sighs, drops his hand, and backs up.

I dart forward, gripping his jaw in my hands. “Eli, listen to me. Jeremy is just a friend.”

He scoffs, but he grips my wrists, leaning into my touch.

“I hate this,” he whispers. “I want him to know you’re mine. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

My heart slams against my ribs with fervor, but my stomach flips and twists, dropping to the floor.

I lean my forehead against his chest.

He blows out a breath and kisses the top of my head, wrapping his arms around me.

My body buzzes from his touch, but it doesn’t bring me comfort. Instead, the echo of his words “you’re mine” wrap themselves around my neck and tighten like a noose.

I clear my throat and push the feeling down.