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FIFTY-THREE

BECCA

It’s been a week since Eli fucked me, then flipped me upside down when he said it couldn’t be more.

I don’t know why I’m surprised.

Right now, I’m at Chase’s place on the edge of town, getting ready for dinner with him and Lee. She’s no longer mad at me—she’s always been too forgiving for her own good—but this time, that forgiveness came with conditions. Number one being that I had to accept Chase in her life. Turns out he never really cheated on her in the first place. Not physically, anyway, but that’s a conversation for another day.

It’s hard for me to trust him, especially after being the one who cradled Lee while he was destroying everything that mattered. But I can’t deny it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Lee look so happy .

There’s something magical about watching them together. A magnetism between them, one where she moves, he follows. You can’t see it, but it vibrates through the air so strong, it’s impossible not to feel. It’s always been there, even when they were kids, but it’s changed. Matured to the point where it’s awe-inspiring to witness.

They aren’t showcasing their love. They aren’t putting on a show.

They simply are.

There’s so much beauty in the way they effortlessly lift each other up, and that makes it impossible not to soften toward Chase, just a little.

“So.” I smack my lips. “When are you gonna give up that tiny studio and move into this beauty?” I pivot from where I’m sitting at the island of the kitchen, waving my arm toward the spacious living room.

Lee’s eyes widen, her knife pausing in her vegetable chopping.

Chase chuckles, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and kissing her neck. “As soon as I convince her to.”

She glares at me and I laugh. “My bad, Lee. Just an honest question.”

She smiles, her eyes narrowing. “Since we’re talkin’ about honest things, let’s talk about you, Eli, and Florida, hmm?”

I gasp into my wine, the liquid flowing down the wrong pipe, burning my esophagus as it chokes me.

My hand flies to my chest, eyes watering. “We’ve already talked about that.”

“Well, we’ve ”—she points the knife between her and Chase—“already talked about when I’m movin’ in.”

I throw my hands in the air. “Point taken.”

She nods, her attention going back to her salad prep. I watch the slice of the knife as it slides through the tomatoes, the juice splattering on the cutting board. Chase grabs meat from the fridge and walks out back to grill.

“There is somethin’ we wanted to tell you, though,” Lee says without looking up.

“We?” I raise a brow, glancing at the back door.

“Okay, I did…but Chase knows I’m tellin’ you.”

“What is it?” I sit up straighter.

Her eyes flick to me, but she never stops chopping. “Chase hired someone to look for Lily.”

My heart stutters from how fast my stomach drops.

Lily .

I haven’t thought about her in a long time. Haven’t let myself. She was a big part of my teenage years, and although she was closer to Lee than she ever was to me, I still felt her absence when she disappeared. Still dealt with the aftermath of her choices affecting everyone she decided to leave behind.

Fuck Lily.

She didn’t care enough to stay so why the hell would I care about her?

Even as I think the words, anger brews beneath the surface at her name.

I feel hurt. The kind that chomps at your very essence and punctures your lungs with its teeth.

And then those feelings flow out and slingshot back, punching through my chest and cracking my heart in half, because I realize that everything I’m feeling, all the ways I’m upset at how she could just leave without a word…

That’s exactly how Eli must feel about me.

Oh my God.

No wonder he doesn’t want to give us another chance. I’m surprised he can even stand the sight of me.

“Maybe he doesn’t seem happy because he’s around you.” Jeremy’s earlier words fly from my brain and sink to my stomach, making bile climb up the back of my throat.

“Hey, you okay, girlfriend?” Lee’s voice shocks me out of my stupor.

I sip my wine again, trying to numb the agony in my chest from where I just split it open with my hypocrisy. “Yep. Just fine.” I smile. “Hired someone? What’s that even mean?”

She shrugs. “A private investigator. Big dude. Tattoos. Lots of ’em.” Her eyes grow wide. “I only saw him for a second, but dang, Becca. He was kinda scary.”

“Was he hot?” I smirk.

She glances back at Chase before looking at me, her cheeks becoming splotchy and pink. “He was not not hot.”

“That’s a double negative.” I point at her, my eyes squinting.

“You’re missin’ the point. What if he finds her?”

“I think…” What do I think? “I think if she wanted to come back here, she would have by now.”

“Yeah. I’m just worried about what he’ll find.” She chews on her lip. “I don’t want Chase to be disappointed.”

I grimace, remembering the younger version of Chase. The one who had the best bravado and a fragile soul underneath. He fooled a lot of people, but I always saw the truth. It’s easy to spot in someone else what you try to hide yourself.

Reaching across the island, I cover her hand with mine. “Look, Lee. I’ve never been Chase’s cheerleader, you know this.”

She snorts. “That’s an understatement.”

I smile. “But even I can see he’s changed. He’s grown. He’s…he’s stronger. I don’t think you need to worry about how he’ll handle Lily and this investigator.”

Her mouth twists, a line forming between her brows. “Yeah. He is strong. I just don’t want him to go through more heartache, ya know? I want it to bring him peace.”

“And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well…will findin’ Lily give you peace?”

She lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. I feel like I let her down when I didn’t speak up about my worries.”

My stomach twists. “I didn’t speak up, either. We’ve all made mistakes. But Lily is responsible for her own actions, Lee. People have to wanna save themselves.”

She sniffles. “You sound like Chase.”

I cringe. “Yuck. Hard pass.”

She points the knife at me. “Don’t be a jerk.”

I laugh. “I’m just playin’.”

Chase waltzes back in with the steaks a few minutes later, and we all sit down to eat. I would’ve bet you a million dollars that Chase did not know how to entertain guests, especially ones who were hateful to him through most of our childhood. But he does it with grace, and I find myself in awe of the transformation.

Who is this man?

Lee’s phone rings, and when she says it’s Eli and excuses herself, the nausea I had pushed back down rolls to the surface. I take small sips of water to keep from throwing up my dinner.

Chase is silent, leaning back in his chair and crossing his hands over his stomach.

I squint my eyes at him from over the rim of my water. “I think I’m envious of you.”

His dark brows shoot up. “I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.”

“Yeah, well, don’t let it go to your head. I’m just sayin’.” I cock my head to the side. “You were fucked-up before.”

He smiles, making the dimples in his cheeks deepen. “We’re all a little fucked-up, Becca.”

“Yeah, but you’re so different now.” I look down, weakness swimming in my veins and urging me to keep up the facade. Hit him with an insult instead of showing him the truth. But if he can work through all his issues and become a better man, maybe he has the key to helping me work through mine.

“How’d you do it?” I ask.

His lips turn down. “That’s a vague-as-fuck question. Care to narrow it down?”

My curls knot in my fingers as I tug on the strands, the ends sticking to my clammy palms. “I just… There are some things I need to—some issues I’d like to tackle. To keep me from bein’ so…”

“Fucked-up?” he guesses.

I nod, blowing out a breath. “Yeah. Fucked-up.”

He sucks on his teeth, his chair creaking as he rocks back.

I shift in my seat, uncomfortable as the seconds tick by and he doesn’t say a word. Just stares at me, letting me stew in my vulnerability.

Finally, he clicks his tongue, his chair snapping back into place as he rests his forearms on the table. “I know a guy who can help.”