Page 34 of All That Glitters (Endurance #1)

“I appreciate that. I wasn’t sure how anyone felt about me anymore given how I’ve been the last…however long.”

“The old you is still in there somewhere, Ashton. He’ll show up when he’s ready.”

“I hope you’re right.” Though, honestly, I was beginning to have my own doubts about it. “Can I see the tapes of the wreck again.”

“Haven’t you seen them enough?”

“I’m looking for something.”

“What? Karl doesn’t really want you looking at it again.”

“I know, but I just… I need to see something. And after this, I doubt I’ll be allowed anywhere around here.”

He nodded, disapproval written all over his face. It was always what I asked when I came into the garage.

It still consumed me, but there were other things that consumed me more in recent days. I didn’t know what, if anything would change Helen’s mind, but I knew if she got back into a race car, just got back behind the wheel, she’d remember how much she loved it, how long it had been her dream.

I needed to take my own advice. I didn’t know what was going to get me in the driver’s seat again, but if I didn’t figure it out soon, I wasn’t sure I ever would.

Helen was paramount to that for me. I needed her. She was the only one I trusted.

In hindsight, I may have pushed things a little too hard, too fast, too unwilling to compromise, but I didn’t know any other way.

I followed Clay back to Karl’s office weaving my way through the cars, parts littering the floor, tool boxes… I wasn’t feeling as sick, as uncertain, as anxious as I had every other time I’d been in the garage the last few months.

“Don’t stay in here too long,” Clay said as I settled behind Karl’s desk. “He’ll be pissed if he sees you.”

“I won’t.”

I brought up the file, the race, the lap of the wreck, and backed it up to a few laps before. I needed to see where Hale was, where I was, who else was around us.

I’d seen the footage enough times that I shouldn’t need to look at it anymore, but…

Was anyone else involved on the periphery? Was anyone else coming up on us, or was someone slowing down in front of us? How long had we been racing each other that day? Did anyone come between us at any point?

What frustrated me was that I couldn’t remember anything beyond slamming into the barrier and the car exploding around me.

For the next thirty minutes, I watched the same five laps, over and over and over again. I went back ten and twenty laps, too. I looked at every angle Karl had indexed.

I was removed enough that I could see, and admit to myself at least, that it looked just like any other racing accident.

He could’ve lifted as I’d suggested back at the Troye house.

Hale could’ve not driven in so hard to my inside.

I didn’t have anywhere else to go or I’d have been in the gravel and at the speeds we were going, I’d have slid, almost like a hydroplane into the tires.

If I had lifted, that’s what would’ve happened, but I was there before he was.

I was the one with the line and I was the one with the speed.

Until the last second. Until we were neck and neck. Until he weaved and wavered. There wasn’t enough room, not with as tight as he had me pinned down.

The hit happened in the fraction of a second. I didn’t even have time to take a full breath before all control was gone and I was broken, on fire, and desperate to get out of the car.

Helen and I were similar racers. We drove based on the way the car felt, the track, and our own intuition. Hale was technical. He had learned all the skills, memorized things based on logic, how it should work, and he’d force it if necessary.

I closed the files and left Karl’s office.

I didn’t see Clay in the garage and Karl hadn’t appeared, either. I took a fortifying breath and forced my feet to move in the direction of my father’s study.

I refused to look in the direction of the cottage, even though that’s where I wanted to go. I needed some time away from everyone and everything after all that had happened. The day had started off promising and it was ending in a shitstorm.

I refused to think about Helen and the night we spent together. I refused to think about her fight for me, her belief in me, her love for me, even though what I wanted most was for it all to wash over me and give me strength for the conversation I needed to have.

Everything was quiet but it was late in the day and there was no way my father was anywhere else. I took the stairs two at a time and voices drifted down the hall toward me until I was right outside the doors.

“I’m not letting you go, Clay. You’re the best engineer I have.”

“And Ashton is the best driver you have.”

I smiled. I should’ve known. I loved Clay, Karl, all my guys, and though they were familiar and knew me, I had other thoughts going into this next phase of my career. I wanted to move forward with a new chief, a new engineer, a whole new crew.

All new people.

Except for Helen. I wanted her around. I needed her.

“Not anymore.”

“Respectfully, Leo, that’s bullshit.”

“He’s not wrong, Clay,” I said as I stepped into the office. “I’m not the best driver. I’m not a driver at all right now. And it wasn’t personal, was it? It was just business, right?

“Ashton.”

I turned my gaze to Clay. “Thank you, but it’s okay. It’s for the best.”

“How can you say that? This is your family. Your legacy.”

“Family has many different definitions and this is still my legacy.” I flicked my gaze to the patriarch of the Glitterati family, then back to Clay. “Can you excuse us? Please. I need to talk to him alone.”

“It’s still bullshit,” Clay groused as he stalked from the room. I grinned for a moment longer, then faced my father without expression.

“Just business, right?” I repeated. “Selling my contract? My talent? The current burden on your payroll. Just business. You couldn’t let it look only as strong as its weakest link, which happens to be me. You were able to use that, what did you call it, for cause clause?”

“Ashton, that’s not —”

“You should’ve told me yourself. I should’ve been part of the damn conversation. How do you know I wouldn’t have agreed?”

“Would you?”

The look on his face told me he wouldn’t believe me if I said yes, so I simply took a seat without being offered one.

It was funny… This was once my home, but I no longer felt that way about it.

It was one of the reasons I’d moved out to the cottage.

I’d needed space, but deep down, it was more than that.

“Maybe not at first, but after thinking about it, probably. You didn’t have to go behind my back and sell me out. ”

He flushed but held my gaze.

“I needed to make room and I needed to stop all the questions, the uncertainty. I needed to make a decision because you wouldn’t. You quit everything that was meant to help you.”

I recoiled at the verbal blows. He could’ve physically hit me and I’m not sure it would’ve hurt or struck as deep or as true.

He didn’t say one word that was a lie. And it pissed me off. He was more in tune and in touch with how I was progressing, or rather not progressing than I gave him credit for.

“What about the company?”

“Ash… I’d never cut you out of the will.

And I’d never leave the keys to Glitterati Racing to anyone other than you.

But for now, you need to find out who you are after the wreck.

You need to find out if you even want to race again.

The longer you stay out of the seat, the harder it’ll be to get back in it. ”

Every word he spoke had me spoiling for a fight and he was the closest target. I hated that he was right.

“Still doesn’t answer why you didn’t talk to me before selling my contact to Darien Cross.”

“I was planning to talk to you the next time I saw you.”

“You couldn’t pick up the phone?”

“What are you accusing me of?”

“Of letting someone else do your dirty work. You knew it wouldn’t look right for you to replace me. You knew there would be questions and you chose to delay that as long as possible since you couldn’t outright release me from my contract, the one I had just signed two years ago.”

“None of that is true.”

“When did you decide?”

“Ashton…”

“When?”

“The night of the dinner party.”

I smiled. It wasn’t one full of joy or humor or any kind of happiness.

It was simply one of knowing. “I overheard you and mother talking that night. Neither of you knew, but I heard the conversation and I knew you were going to find some way to replace me on a more permanent basis. I just didn’t think it would be while I was down. ”

“You couldn’t have known that.”

“Your tone of voice. Your defensiveness whenever she questioned you. Have you approached Hale yet? He’s who you want now, right?”

For a split second, my father, the stoic Leonardo Glitterati, looked for all the world like I’d stabbed him. He looked shocked and unsure, like he didn’t know what to say, what to do. I caught him off guard asking about Hale and while I wanted an answer, it suddenly didn’t matter.

It only lasted for a moment, then he was back in control of himself.

I sighed, frustrated, hurt, and strangely okay. “Why him? Darien? Why him?”

Could I ever have a single emotion? Did I always have to be so damn messed up and all over the place?

“He came to me. He asked me specifically about you, your contract, and how much it would take to buy it.”

“An offer you couldn’t refuse, is that it?”

“Ashton…”

“I’m not just some employee. I’m not just someone you trade away. I’m your fucking son.”

I hadn’t even realized that I’d raised my voice until it echoed off the walls. There was no point rehashing everything I already knew, but I couldn’t seem to drop it. I couldn’t seem to let it go.

“And I don’t show favoritism.”

“No shit.”

“You were under contract with Glitterati Racing . You had sponsors. You had responsibilities and you couldn’t fulfill them.

I gave you as much time as I could. You stopped going to therapy.

You stopped taking your medications. You were picking fights, and holding onto some grudge against Hale Troye for a wreck that could’ve happened to anyone.

I didn’t have a choice, Ashton. You didn’t leave me any other choice.

You weren’t ready and you weren’t going to be ready anytime soon. ”

I hated that he was right. I hated that he knew everything that had been going on with me. All except Helen. He didn’t know about Helen. But he knew everything else. I thought I’d been so clever. I should’ve known better.

My involvement with Helen had been the first time in too many months that gave me some clarity and even though we hadn’t gotten to the part of our arrangement that got me back behind the wheel of a car, it wasn’t her fault.

I hadn’t given her many chances. And both of us had walked away from the things we wanted most. There was nothing she could say that would ever convince me she didn’t want to race again.

“Whatever you believe, Ashton, I never meant for you to find out this way. I hadn’t expected Darien to contact you so soon.”

“You had a few days to make the call. He’s on a schedule just as you are. He needs to fill seats the same as you.” I took a second before I asked my next question… It wasn’t the one I wanted to ask, but for now, it would do. “How will it feel when I’m racing against you?”

“It’s not me you’ll be racing against.”

I stood. “Don’t kid yourself.”

He stood as well. “It’ll be Glitterati cars that you’ll be racing against.”

“Glitterati cars are Glitterati Racing and Glitterati Racing is definitely you . You won’t find anyone as good as me. No one. Tell Mom I stopped by and that I’ll call her in a couple of days.”

I walked out and didn’t look back, not knowing if we’d ever be the same again. I felt betrayed and he felt… I had no idea what he felt. Nothing in his eyes gave anything away whereas I was doing a piss-poor job hiding anything.

Things were changing at a pace I wasn’t comfortable with and in ways I hadn’t expected. I’d like it if life stopped throwing shit at me for a little while, but that just didn’t seem to be the way it wanted to go right now.

I wanted to text Helen. I wanted to ask her to meet me, demand that she come over, sit with me, talk to me, fight with me, fuck me. I wanted her. How had everything turned upside down so quickly?

There were things I needed to figure out and unfortunately, I couldn’t take my own sweet time doing so.

I had to talk to Darien about what the next steps were for me going forward and I was grateful I would have those answers in a couple of days.

And I had to mend things with Helen. Not just for the sex factor, but because if I let her go so easily, she’d… I didn’t know what she’d do. I didn’t want to waste her trust and her friendship. I didn’t want to waste her love.

She’d been there for me until I pushed her too far. It was time for me to be there for her.

To be continued…