Page 12 of All That Glitters (Endurance #1)

Ashton

Helen barely said a word as we passed dishes along the table.

She simply took whatever I held out to her, said a polite thank you, served herself, then passed it along.

There was always a small conversation between the two of them, or between her and Hale.

She even talked to my mother, but she barely spoke to me.

It grated on my nerves.

Our friendship, usually fun and light, had changed. What Hale did was between us, but I was making it about Helen, too. I was pulling her into the middle of it. None of it was right or fair and none of it seemed to be within my control.

It was me, but at the same time, not me at all.

I didn’t want to hurt her, use her, but I was going to all the same. I was going to ruin my friendship with her, which in turn would ruin my friendship with Brax. None of us would ever come back from this.

Part of me cared, regretted what was going on inside my mind. A bigger part of me didn’t.

And I wish I knew how to stop the destructive course I was on.

“Ashton? Here, man.”

The next dish was offered to me from Stan, one of the engineers on the 05 car that Brax had driven before the wreck when he moved into my seat. I ground my back teeth together to keep from sending it flying across the room, but I took it and held it until Helen leaned back in her seat.

My mother believed in family style dinners. She didn’t want servants serving us, didn’t them waiting on us. She didn’t like buffets, either. She wanted guests to feel comfortable and treated them as family or as dear friends.

It was no secret that our family was one of the richest in the series.

Our name was certainly one of the oldest, next to Ferrari, but my mother never acted like it, never brandished our wealth or name unless it was a last resort situation and both of my parents made sure things never got that far in business dealings.

There was a lot of money represented at the table.

Some of it generations old, some of it brand spanking new.

There were various levels of drivers. Some were working regular jobs, owning businesses, and doing this because they were passionate about it.

Others drove full-time wherever and whenever they could, in whatever car they could.

In one way or another, we all had a need that only racing could fill.

Our sport wasn’t cheap to participate in. Racing wasn’t cheap. But endurance racing was a different breed altogether. Our cars were elite machines built and tuned to handle constant running for two hours at a minimum and twenty-four hours at the max. The longer the race, the happier I was.

I loved it. I was born into it, born for it.

And just like that… Red clouded the edges of my vision. My heart rate picked up. A light sweat broke out across my forehead. And every muscle in my body tensed. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit something.

I wanted violence when normally I wasn’t a violent person.

But I was no longer normal. Nothing about me was normal anymore.

I needed to leave. I needed to get out of the room. I needed to be away from everyone.

I didn’t trust myself.

I started to push myself away from the table, but then… Beside me, Helen laughed at something, and the red haze began to fade. I didn’t want to think about what that meant now any more than I wanted to think about what it meant when I was around her before.

I settled back in my seat. “You aren’t talking to me,” I accused.

“I didn’t know the passing of dishes required a conversation.”

“You’re talking to Brax and Hale.”

“Hale is my brother and Brax is between us. Hale is also talking to your mother. Are you jealous of that, too?”

“I can’t decide if you hate me or not, Helen. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of you.”

“And what side do you think you’re seeing?”

“I don’t really know, and I guess it doesn’t matter. But… Do you? Hate me?”

She shook her head and for a moment the coldness in her eyes, warmed.

“I don’t hate you.”

“No?”

“No. I hate what you’re doing.”

“And what am I doing?”

“This isn’t the time.”

“Tell me when the time is and I’ll be there.”

“Drop it, Ashton.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Learn.”

She turned her head away, dismissing me, dismissing the strange thing that I’d brought to life between us.

She’d always had a little crush on me and though I’d never acknowledged it before, I was going to exploit it.

Helen Troye had grown into a beautiful woman. She’d been a bit of a gangly teenager, a cute girl, but she’d been my friend and the sister of my best friend. There were limits and codes and lines I never crossed.

But now… Now I couldn’t get her off my mind and out of my head. The moment I realized that until I could get back on the track, my way to wreck Hale would be through his sister, was the moment my desire for her flared to life.

She was no longer my friend, though I knew she didn’t understand that. Not yet. She would, though, soon enough.

She was a means to an end and it would be a really good idea if I remembered that every time she was around.

Like right now. I could focus on the other conversations around me, talk to people and try to be a civilized human being.

I could drink.

I could eat.

I could and should do every single other thing in the world, but all I wanted to do was talk to Helen, be alone with her outside on the terrace again, in the shell cottage… Anywhere, really.

I glanced at her. She was turned toward Brax and Hale again, talking about Daytona, the first race of the season, and laughing, but she was as tuned into my attention as I was to her truth.

She didn’t believe her own words from a few minutes ago.

Her focus was on me. She didn’t have to be looking at me or talking to me for that to be the case.

God… I had an ego, didn’t I?

She knew as much about racing as everyone else at the table.

She drove karts as a kid just like the rest of us and had the talent to take it as far as she wanted.

If she’d stayed with it, she could’ve been spectacular.

I didn’t know what made her quit, but I remembered being a little put out with her when all of a sudden she turned up in the marketing department of Troye, Ltd .

rather than as a driver alongside Hale, Brax, and me.

“Why did you quit racing?” I asked her, realizing for the first time that I never had. I had to lean close in order to gain her attention. If I touched her, it would be in the most inappropriate way for my mother’s dinner party, so, I simply leaned in her direction.

She didn’t acknowledge the question for so long that I wasn’t sure if she was ignoring me or if she just hadn’t heard me, but then she turned her head, her brow furrowed in confusion. I couldn’t blame her. It was a question out of left field.

“What?”

“Why did you quit?”

“I… I don’t know. I just didn’t want to keep going.”

Her eyes shifted and she pulled her lips in, just slightly. She was either uncomfortable with the question, or she was lying to me. Possibly both.

“And that’s it? After all those years racing with us? You just didn’t want to drive anymore?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Okay.”

There was a moment… Everything and everyone faded away while we stared at each other. The second she blinked, the hum of conversations around us grew to full volume and that small spell was broken.

She started to turn away but didn’t.

“Why were you asking? It’s been what? Three years?”

“I was curious. Of the people who drive at this table, you’re the only one not still behind the wheel.”

“So? Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know yet.”

And honestly, I didn’t, but there was something that bothered me about the fact that she’d quit when I remembered how much fun she’d had, how much she seemed to love it.

It wasn’t lost on me that my focus was all over the place and that under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t be thinking about why Helen quit racing and I wouldn’t be thinking about fucking with her head just to get back at her brother.

But there was that word again. Normal.

These weren’t normal circumstances.

I looked the part, but I didn’t act the part.

Which brought my attention around to my father at the other end of the table and his earlier words to my mother that they didn’t know I’d overheard.

If I was smart, I’d concentrate more on my own issues about getting into a car, getting behind the wheel of one, than what my father might or might not be planning.

I’d concentrate on getting my head on straight and not worry about getting revenge or getting back at Hale through his sister.

If I was smart, I’d stop thinking about getting between the legs of Helen of Troye.

The old nickname made me smile. Brax had started calling her that when she’d turned sixteen or seventeen. I’d hadn’t seen her that way then, but I could definitely see it now.

If I was smart…

I toyed with the stem of the antique water goblet. My mother had inherited multiple sets from my grandmothers. They meant the world to her. The cut crystal glinted in the light.

I’d never had to work for my ride, for the Glitterati car. I’d never had to fight for it and I always figured it was mine no matter what.

Yeah, we were a team operation, but I was the anchor. I was a Glitterati. I was my father’s son. I wasn’t supposed to be as easily replaceable as my father’s words made it sound.

The only problem was that getting into a race car scared the shit out of me.

Nothing he’d said to my mother had been a lie. And Karl had probably figured it out that I wasn’t ready, that I was scared. Some of the crew likely had, too.

We were so fucking close to the start of the season, and I needed to decide if I was going to do the right thing and back out of the first race, or if I was going to be bullheaded about it and force myself no matter what.

It would be dangerous, but I wasn’t sure I had a choice. I wasn’t a quitter. I wasn’t the guy who walked away from something just because it was hard, or because it scared him.