Page 27 of All That Glitters (Endurance #1)

Ashton

The ocean air was bone chillingly cold. The wind had picked up and running into it exhausted me but also felt good. Running on the beach helped me think, helped me clear my head and being that it was January and early morning, I was generally the only one outside.

I usually headed north, but today I’d chosen to take my run south. I didn’t want to question why. I didn’t want to examine anything too close. I’d had enough of that last night. Helen and I hadn’t talked anymore after I kissed her.

I’d only been back running along the shore since Christmas Eve and had only missed a couple of days. The treadmill in the gym couldn’t compete with the salt, the sand, the waves, the sunrise. It was a form of therapy that no amount of talking while sitting on a couch could touch.

Before long the back of the Troye home came into view, the morning sun glinting off the windows. I settled on the steps leading up to their deck and watched the gentle roll of the water. Let Hale come shoo me away.

Was he awake yet? Was he home? Was he wondering if Helen came back or if she was still out?

Had she woken up, found me gone, and taken the opportunity to leave? I hadn’t left a note which was a shitty thing, but I’d been doing a lot of shitty things. Maybe she could add it to the list.

Whatever had pulled me from the deepest sleep I’d had in the months since the wreck, I couldn’t say.

Waking up beside Helen was something I never imagined would happen and I had no idea how I was going to make it happen again and again, but I needed to figure it out.

The softness of her body, the warmth, the tiny snore…

It hadn’t been part of any plan I had, but Jesus… Everything had become so complicated, so messed up. I’d put something in motion that I had no idea how to get out of without hurting the one person I hadn’t planned on causing additional pain… Me. Myself. And I.

If I was honest, which I didn’t want to be, but if I was, I’d admit that nothing had turned out the way I’d expected.

Nothing had gone the way I thought it would.

Not from the moment of conception to the first time I touched Helen to the conversation last night to her falling asleep in my lap with her head on my shoulder.

We hadn’t fucked, either. I wanted to. She wanted to, but there in the chair, straddling my thighs, she’d settled her head against my shoulder and before long, her breathing had evened out and her weight had settled against me.

I hadn’t even thought about waking her up and telling her leave.

I’d simply worked us out of the chair, which there was nothing simple about, and that had taken more strength than I imagined having but showed me that if I put my mind to something, if I wanted something bad enough, that I would figure out a way.

So what was wrong with me and getting in a race car? Didn’t I want it bad enough?

Helen mentioned going for a midnight drive last night.

I couldn’t say why it angered me the way it had.

Fear and anger were the two emotions I was most intimate with now.

I used to have an ego the size of Texas and more than enough confidence to overflow its borders, but now…

I couldn’t find either one. I couldn’t find my way back.

I was more lost than I wanted to acknowledge and I had no idea what I was going to do.

Clearly asking Helen to help me… I didn’t even know what I’d expected her to do. I was beyond the help of a friend, no matter how much I trusted her.

And yet… Her presence calmed me, comforted me. I think she knew it, too.

I imposed upon her and she let me.

How was I supposed to let her go?

Even if I wanted to, how was I supposed to do it? Because in the span of a few days, a week, my focus had shifted. Sure, I still wanted Hale to pay and I wanted him to fear losing everything that mattered to him in his world, but there was something more happening inside me.

The longer I sat there, staring out at the vastness of the ocean, my thoughts wandered back to the conversation with Helen before she fell asleep.

Was I going to let Hale win? Was I going to let him beat me?

Shit. Was there anything left of me to beat?

When I thought back on that confrontation with him in the front room of their house… I hadn’t wanted his explanations. I hadn’t wanted his apologies. I hadn’t wanted… I didn’t know what I wanted or what I’d expected.

In all the years I’d known him, we’d never fought.

Competed, yes. Drove each other crazy, yes.

Disagreed from time to time, yes. But we’d never fought, never yelled, never went more than a couple of days without speaking in some way.

He’d been my best friend. My ride or die and my life without him…

There was a hole in my chest. I hated it, but I didn’t know how to make any of it right.

I didn’t know how to fix things. I didn’t know what to do with the need to hurt him and the need to hug him close.

And I’d put Helen in the middle of us. I’d put Helen in a no-win position between me and her brother. I didn’t deserve her. At all. But that didn’t mean I was going to give her up, either.

I planted my feet and started to rise when the buzzing of the smart watch on my wrist stopped me. I didn’t recognize the number and started to let it go to voicemail because who would be calling at barely eight in the morning, but figured what the hell…

“Hello?”

“Oh. I didn’t expect anyone to answer. Um… Hi. My name is Amber Cox. I’m trying to reach Ashton Glitterati.”

Her voice didn’t sound familiar and her name didn’t ring any bells.

“Well, Amber Cox, today is your lucky day. You’ve reached him. What can I do for you?”

* * *

Helen

It was eight thirty-three and I had no idea where Ashton was.

He wasn’t in the cottage when I’d woken up, or after I’d gotten out of the shower.

There wasn’t a note that I could find anywhere and I wasn’t a fan of snooping through other people’s things, even though I desperately wanted to snoop through his.

Should I stay or should I go?

Maybe he’d gone up to his parents’ house. Maybe he was in the garage. Maybe he’d… I had no idea, but I’d chosen to wait for a while, fix a pot of coffee, and do a little work on some sponsorships, some contracts, and answer a ton of emails.

If I could stay busy and if I could keep my mind on my job, then I wouldn’t have as much time to dwell on the fact that I didn’t want to do what I was doing.

I didn’t want to be in marketing, but I’d given it a hundred and twenty percent since college.

Hale didn’t go. Ashton didn’t go. Brax did, though. And so did I.

Brax studied mechanical engineering.

I studied business with an emphasis on sports and entertainment management.

But we both wanted to be out on a race track. We both wanted a seat in a car.

I always used to think that at least Brax was a back-up, a fill-in… He did get to drive from time to time, but I didn’t even have that much.

Being good at my job, being the best at it that I could be kept the resentment and anger to a minimum. No one knew. No one felt it. No one saw it. That was how good I was at it…

Until Ashton. Damn him.

That one question at dinner had shattered my mask and I had been struggling ever since to glue it back together.

There was a file I kept on my laptop about the women who were coming up in motorsports, who were current drivers, marketing and brand managers, pit reporters, team owners, pit crew members, mechanics, engineers… Women in all levels of motorsports.

My finger hesitated over the trackpad before double clicking to open the file.

I’d tucked pictures and spreadsheets and articles within.

For more than a year, I had wanted to contact multiple people about a job.

For more than a year, I’d watched as women were stepping out on their own in racing and demanding their knowledge and know-how be respected and recognized.

I never contacted anyone. I stayed within the relative safety of my family’s firm, prestigious as it was. I made a name for myself but under the Troye, LTD . banner.

No one knew that I’d spent a few days in Charlotte driving a stock car around the track in their fan experience program, or that I’d taken a few days during my senior year in college to run some dirt track races.

I’d told my parents I was going on a trip with some friends, but I really took those days to race under an alias for a small team who needed some help with putting together contracts and a season-long marketing deal.

We swapped my knowledge with a chance to drive.

There was so much no one knew. There was so much I’d kept to myself. And I had a feeling that if I didn’t rein Ashton in somehow, he was going to end up ruining everything.

“You’re still here.”

The meep I let out echoed in the small kitchen and I slammed the laptop shut. “Jesus, Ashton…”

“What?”

“Let a girl know you’re there before you scare the crap out of her.”

“I did let you know. What did you want me to do? I mean, I could’ve slammed the front door, but I didn’t know if you were still sleeping or not.”

He was right. He spoke up. It wasn’t his fault that I’d been in my own little world and not paying attention to anything outside it.

“Where were you?”

My eyes didn’t follow him as he moved around, but I was as aware of him as I was of my own flesh and blood body. Of course, that would’ve been helpful a few minutes ago.

“I went for a run,” he said, coming to stand on the other side of the table from me.

He was dressed in black, from head to toe.

His hair was a mess, like either the wind or his hands had ruffled the short strands.

His cheeks were flushed pink, along with the lips he had wrapped around a water bottle, draining the contents. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t know how to answer that, so I nodded and took a sip of coffee, after which I said, “Sure.”

“Uh huh. Were you worried about me?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“That’s disappointing, Helen.” The slight smirk on his face told me he knew I was lying.

Tension filled the spaces between and around us. The kitchen table wasn’t that big despite the four chairs around it. “So, uh… Now that you’re back, I guess I can go.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah. Just like that.”

“And what about last night?”

“What about it? I think we said all there was to say.”

“Maybe, but I like having you around.”

“Well, we don’t always get what we want, do we, Ashton?” I stood and reached for my computer, but his hand was there, then he was there, in my face, his mouth inches from mine. I couldn’t have moved even if I’d wanted to, but the truth was, I didn’t want to.

“I do. It might take some time.” He lowered his head and placed a small kiss to the hollow of my throat.

“It might take a little work.” He kissed the pulse throbbing in my neck.

“It might even take…” He licked and kissed his way along my jawline, to my chin.

“…coercion. But I always get what I want.” And then his lips were on mine, tasting of sea and salt, stealing my words, my breath, my sanity once again, proving that yes, indeed, he did always get exactly what he wanted and in that moment, he wanted me and I wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while.