Page 22 of All That Glitters (Endurance #1)

Ashton

Nothing in the world could’ve prepared me for the feel of her mouth on me, swallowing me deep, and sucking around the tenderness of my cockhead.

Nothing in the world could’ve prepared me for the feel of being inside her.

Nothing in the world had prepared me for Helen Troye like this.

I’d fucked plenty of women, but none like her.

Maybe it was because of our friendship. Maybe it was because I knew her and she knew me.

Maybe it was because of the illicit nature of our arrangement.

Maybe it was because I was a different person now than I was seven months ago.

Maybe it was all of it and maybe it was none of it.

But I wasn’t sure I’d ever fuck anyone who’d leave the impression on me that she would, that she already had.

Her body was so responsive; so hot, so wet, so perfect.

Last night in her bedroom with Hale not so far away came back to me.

She was an adult and could do whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted and wherever she wanted. I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only guy she’d had in her bedroom. Who were the others?

How many have there been? Was there someone else now?

I never told her we’d be exclusive during this thing I set in motion, but jealousy flooded me at the idea of her with some other asshole.

Did the others make her shake? Did they coax the best little noises from her when she came?

Did they pull out or use a rubber?

Were they drivers? Did I know them?

I wanted to know everything and everyone she’d ever had inside her.

I wasn’t used to the possession that flooded my body from top to bottom. I didn’t get that way about anyone. Women were a dime a dozen in the racing world. There were more female fans who’d do anything to be with a race car driver.

It didn’t matter what series it was, either. Stock, open-wheel, sports car, bikes… The elusive danger spread their legs.

At first, I was overwhelmed and overjoyed with how many women made propositions, but it got old pretty quick.

I hadn’t been with anyone who knew me in my profession or because of my profession in a while. Not until Helen. But she was different.

Helen had always been different.

Even on her knees with my dick in her mouth, she was different.

All her feelings for me were written in her eyes.

And I knew deep down that I had to tread carefully because I had no intention of stopping until I got back in a car. That was our deal and I was going to stick to it.

I would hold her to it, as well.

I’d told her I didn’t care, but that wasn’t true. I didn’t want to break her heart completely. I didn’t want her to hate me, though I hadn’t given her that impression. And with every move made, I knew the possibility of her hating me grew…

I wouldn’t stop, though. She was the key to everything.

I wanted her in my bed and I wanted back in a Glitterati race car.

I couldn’t have one without the other. I didn’t know why that was and I wasn’t interested in seeking out the answers. It was simply the way my brain decided it was going to be.

I didn’t touch her as she licked me clean. If I did, I’d be fucking her throat through the door at her back.

When I felt arousal start to build in my balls again, I took a step back, pulling out of her mouth. I’d always been quick at recovery, but usually not that quick.

She looked up at me, questions and vulnerability warring in the depths before she masked them.

I almost felt proud. She’d leveled up in our little game. How long would she be able to keep it up? How long would she be able to hide herself from me? It didn’t really matter because before all was said and done, whatever flimsy mask she was able to wear, I’d leave it broken.

That was what made this use of her so cruel.

I was going to hurt her in the end. I knew it before we began. She knew it, too.

And still, she said yes.

Part of it was because of Hale. If I was focused on her, I wouldn’t take everything that had been driving me out on him.

There was more, though…

I was using her love for me, her desire for me against her.

My cock bobbed between us, hardening moment by moment. Her gaze flicked up to my face, then down. I didn’t have to touch myself. I didn’t have to do anything more than watch her for the ache to begin, for my balls to fill.

In the weeks before the race last summer, I’d spent more time with the car, in the simulator, in the gym, and on the computer watching previous races than I had fucking around. I’d had a taste of being a champion. I wanted it again. I was chasing it again.

At the same time, I hadn’t exactly been celibate, either.

Back then, bedding Helen had never crossed my mind.

Not that she wasn’t beautiful because she was one of the most beautiful women I knew.

And not that she wasn’t sexy or desirable because she was definitely those things and more.

But bedding Helen Troye would’ve fucked up our friendship, would’ve hurt my friendship with Hale.

None of that mattered now.

Bridges were lit and they’d be burned to the ground.

“Ashton…”

Desire flared in her eyes as she looked up at me. It flushed her body red, hardened her nipples, and if I touched her pussy I knew I’d find her as soaking wet as she’d been earlier. “Do you want to beg for it, Helen?” I asked, smiling as I witnessed desire turn to defiance and into disappointment.

“Fuck you.”

“I think that’s exactly what you want.”

She started to stand, but a hand on her shoulder held her on her knees, held her in place as I wrapped my other palm around my cock.

I pumped it in long, steady strokes, pulling pre-cum from the head with each push under it.

Her body was rigid, at least, it had been. With each drop that formed on the tip then slid down to coat my fingers, she relaxed, she softened. Need took hold of her again and she licked her lips, swaying forward, but she caught herself and settled back, watching.

I hadn’t given her permission to lick me, touch me.

Not that I would have minded. I would’ve been more than happy to feel her tongue, her mouth on me. I was happy this way, too, though, and I was going to be ecstatic in a few seconds when I exploded.

I couldn’t remember anyone ever making me as hard as Helen. I’d walked around with a perpetual hard-on since I decided last night that this was how I was going to get back at Hale. That I was going to use his sister. From that moment, my cock had been a ready and willing participant.

She licked her pretty lips. Once, twice, three times… Her pink tongue teased me and I focused on it, kept my gaze on it, imagined the feel of it on my hard cock, the sensitive head, the long length, the tightness of the base, the fullness of my nuts.

My cum covered her face. She was shocked, surprised, and started to jerk back, but my free hand fisted her hair and held her still for every rope, every spurt, every sticky glob…

Jesus fucking Christ, I was a bastard of epic proportions.

I couldn’t quite believe I’d done that to her. And I couldn’t for the life of me understand why she would let me. She had feelings for me, yes, but…

There was shock in those eyes of hers that stared up at me. Defiance, too.

She was still fucking beautiful, even covered and dripping with my release. Maybe more so.

When I was finished and my hold eased, a withering, even sad shadow crossed her face. She stood gracefully and turned away.

“Down the hall. Third door on the left,” I reminded her.

She didn’t have to ask, didn't have to say a word. She walked with measured steps, her curves shifting from side to side, as she disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

“Shit.”

I eased myself back into my jeans, walked outside to gather her clothes and purse from the sandy drive. I took them down the hall, set them outside the bathroom, knocked once and left before she could answer.

I grabbed a couple of water bottles from the fridge and waited.

The cottage had always been well stocked when we were growing up and definitely now that I’d taken up residence on a more permanent basis.

There were memories in this cottage of my friends and me, my great-grandfather’s sketchbooks and model cars were in the small room he’d used for a study.

Books on racing, as far back as car racing went.

Some other Glitterati family things were stored in that room as well.

I felt closer to my roots in this cottage that I did in my parents’ house, closer to my roots than anytime we visited Italy where our family was from.

No, this small cottage felt… It felt like home.

Much like…

Fuck. No. That couldn’t be…

Helen. Her name whispered its way through my mind.

She felt like it, too. Home. She was familiar, yes, but touching her like I had, being intimate with her, kissing her… It might’ve always been Helen and I just hadn’t thought about it until now.

I couldn’t keep her. I wouldn’t have anything but memories of her when it was all over. I’d was going to well and truly fuck all this up. And I wasn’t going to fix it.

Everyone kept telling me the crash wasn’t Hale’s fault, but believing in fate wasn’t something I’d ever done.

It wasn’t how I was raised. It wasn’t how I was taught to race.

It wasn’t part of my make-up. Fate was a fairy tale.

So, if it wasn’t Hale’s fault and it wasn’t mine, then whose fault was it?

What caused my life to flash before my eyes as the impact with his car took the breath from my lungs?

What caused the spin and made me so dizzy it was all I could do to keep from throwing up in my helmet?

What caused the slamming of the car into the barrier at breakneck speed and lit up everything around me like a fireworks show?

What caused it if not Hale?

It’d been called a freak accident.

It’d been called just one of those things.

It’d been called unfortunate, but something that sometimes happens during races.

It’d been called everything under the sun, everything that absolved Hale of any wrongdoing…

So, if it wasn’t Hale’s fault… What the fuck happened? I needed someone to blame. I needed a focus for the anger and pain inside me. I needed a focus that would bring me back from the brink of madness.

And that’s what it felt like being scared of the one thing in my life that used to make sense. It felt like madness.

I hadn’t let myself give too much serious thought to not ever being able to drive again, to race again, but what the fuck was I supposed to do with my life if I couldn’t?

What was I supposed to do with the days and nights, the hours and minutes and seconds if I couldn’t get behind the wheel of a race car again?

What was I supposed to do with the reality that I broke out in a cold sweat every time I thought about doing it and never again doing it?

What was I supposed to do with the reality that the only person that made me feel any kind of normal was the one I was using to hurt the man who’d taken everything from me, the woman who was currently cleaning my orgasm from her face?

Who had I become in the midst of all this? Who was I going to be when it was over?

“Ashton?”

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, then turned to face her when I was sure my mask was back in place. I don’t really know why I bothered.

She was put back together, on the outside, at least. Her mask from earlier was back in place, a little more solid if the look in her pretty eyes was any indication.

I hated that I did that. I hated it more than I thought I would. How was I supposed to keep this up if I hated the aftermath?

“I think I liked you better with cum running down your cheeks like creamy tears.”

“Do you need me for anything more?” she asked, not rising to take the bait.

Or maybe she wasn’t lowering herself to take it.

That was more likely it. My respect for her remained intact.

She was stronger than I’d ever given her credit for.

She was stronger than anyone I knew, even Hale.

She had to be in order to defy him, lie to him.

She had to be in order to deal with me, handle me, to agree to this situation that would destroy her heart in the end.

She had to be to walk away from racing as smoothly as she had…

And why did that keep crossing my mind? I’d asked her about it at dinner and she’d closed off.

“No. I don’t need you.” That was one of my many lies. I needed her for everything that remained in front of me. I needed her for whatever my future in racing held. I needed her to sate the raging monster that had taken up residence inside every single part of me.

She was the only one I trusted.

She was the only one I wanted.

She was the only one…

We stared at each other across the kitchen.

It wasn’t a large room, but it was spacious enough.

I could reach Helen in three steps. She stood stoic under my gaze, unblinking, unwavering, unafraid of who I’d become, but she wasn’t the same woman who’d gotten out of the Jeep a little while ago.

She was paler than before and her eyes were colder, the line of her mouth was thinner.

I wanted to kiss some color back into her cheeks. I didn’t move. I didn’t reach for her.

She gave one short nod and turned on her heel.

“Helen.”

She hadn’t been out of my sight for a heartbeat and I felt the cold of the cottage leak into me. She didn’t return to the kitchen, but I knew she’d stopped. I knew she was just on the other side of the wall.

There was no winner in this little agreement. There was no one who would come out on top. There was no one who would gain anything.

The reality was we were all going to lose.

I didn’t say anything else because I didn’t know how to ask her to stay. A few minutes later I heard the front door close and the door to her Jeep slam shut, followed by the engine roaring to life.

“Shit.”