Page 30 of All That Glitters (Endurance #1)

Helen

My eyes widened at the sheer audacity of Ashton Glitterati. I couldn’t believe he asked that. At the same time, of course I could. I’d seen it in his expression just before he opened his mouth.

So many things about this meeting had shocked me, had shocked Ashton, not the least of which was that his father sold his contract to Darien Cross.

And it had happened in the last few days, the ones during which we hadn’t been talking.

There’d been time for his father to tell him, to explain things to him, but Leonardo hadn’t done so.

The look on Ashton’s face when he learned of it, when he’d looked at his father’s signature on the papers… I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was feeling.

Can’t you? the little voice in my head whispered. I chose to ignore her. Now was not the time. There were other things to be concerned about.

I started to object to Ashton’s words, but for better or worse, I wanted to see where this conversation went first. It was possible that Darien would shut it down.

“I, uh… No. No, I hadn’t thought about a woman driver.” His cheeks flushed and he looked at me. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

“You said you were planning to call Helen,” Ashton said, pulling Darien's attention briefly back toward him. “If it wasn't to drive, then why?”

“Ashton,” I whispered. I didn’t want any attention, but I wanted him to drop it. “We’re not here to discuss me. This is a meeting about you.”

“There’s no reason it can’t be about the both of us. Two birds, same stone.”

“I was planning to contact her about heading up my marketing department.”

“Did you buy her work contract, too?”

“No.” Darien’s smile was tight, but his eyes spoke volumes about his irritation with Ashton’s tone. “But her name is the one that continues to come up every time I ask about who I should talk to for motorsports marketing.”

“Really?” I hadn’t meant to say it quite that way but there were plenty of people in my position at other race teams all across motorsports that were just as good as me. And that was saying something because I knew how good I was.

It wasn’t ego, per se. But it was definitely confidence. I knew what I brought to the table as the VP of Marketing at Troye, Ltd .

“You used to race.”

“I did. I’m surprised you know that.”

“I know a lot of things people be surprised to learn. I didn’t know you were still interested in racing,” Darien added, his eyes moving between me and Ashton. I wondered if he was regretting any of this.

“I’m not, thank you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ashton!” I couldn’t believe he said that. “Stop.” The one word was ground out through clenched teeth.

“I’ll sign with you right now if you agree to put her in one of the open seats.”

“Ashton.” I gripped his arm again, this time digging my nails into his skin. I didn’t care what it looked like, what Darien thought.

“Or… Open a second team that’s all women.”

I was on my feet so fast, Darien and Amber must’ve wondered what was wrong with me.

I did my best to school my face into something more than frustration and anger, maybe something passive, but the slight smirk on Ashton’s face told me I’d failed spectacularly.

“Would you excuse us, please?” I didn’t give anyone a chance to object.

“Ashton.” I walked from the room, death grip on my purse, head held high.

I wouldn’t make more of a scene than I already had.

I only had to wait a few seconds before Ashton joined me outside the conference room. I stalked down the hallway a bit until we were out of hearing distance. Hopefully.

I rounded on him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Seems perfectly clear to me. What are you doing?”

“Trying not to strangle you.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

“Well, you’re still breathing. Please stop. Please just let it go about me driving.”

“No. Unless you can tell me you really don’t want to drive again, that you really don’t want to get in a car at Daytona… Daytona , Helen. C’mon…”

“What about you?”

“We’re not out here in the hallway breathing in construction dust to discuss me.”

“We’re here in this building to discuss you.”

“Until he mentioned you were on a list of names too.”

“Not to drive, Ashton.”

“But it could be.”

“Why won’t you just drop it? I have asked and begged you to drop it.”

“And you’re so very pretty when you beg, baby.

” He reached for me, but I evaded his touch by taking a small step back, turning my head.

I should’ve known he wouldn’t leave well enough alone.

He took a singular step forward and held me steady with a hand behind my neck and his thumb braced under my chin.

“You can’t get away from me, Helen. Not here. Not anywhere.”

“I could leave you here to walk home.”

“Imagine the paddling you’d get when I got my hands on you after that.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

But he would dare and we both knew it. Why didn’t that bother me? At all? It should.

He’d never raised a hand to me and he never would, but paddling me, spanking me, that was something different. And it shouldn’t affect me. It shouldn’t make me feel anything, but… It did.

My breasts grew heavy in my bra, my nipples tight and pebbled. My pussy grew damp and I was filled with an ache I couldn’t deny.

I wanted to push him.

I wanted to make him.

I wanted to see how far he’d go.

I wanted to see how far I’d go.

This was crazy and way off track. Mentally, I shook myself and forced my attention back to the matter at hand.

We were both professionals and this was a business meeting. We could behave as such because the other option would be to fuck like rabbits just to take the edge off.

God. Ashton was such a troublemaker.

“Now that I have your attention…” He tipped his forehead to mine, his eyes staring into mine, our mouths just close enough to feel breath…

“If you could see in your own eyes what I see when you racing comes up, when you behind the wheel again comes up, you’d understand why I keep pushing, why I haven’t let up. ”

He lifted away and eased his hold on my neck, but his body was still so damn close, so near…

“It’s been too long, Ashton.”

“That’s a fucking shit response, Helen. There are people who race all around the world who’d never been in a race car, and those who have been away and come back, who…

Jake Curtis is a perfect example. He’s been out of racing for years, pretty much longer than you, and he’s getting back in a stock car, and I’m willing to bet, he’ll take Darien up on the offer to drive the 24, too. ”

I hated when Ashton was right and he was too damn right about this. So, what was my hang up? Why wouldn’t I do it? Why wouldn’t I push to find a seat in a car?

Instead of looking too closely at my own stuff, I pushed back.

“Why are you so focused on me when you’re the one whose career is stalling out as you sit back not even trying? Or is that why? If you tell me all that’s wrong with what I’m doing or not doing, you don’t have to deal with yourself.”

The anger that lit in his eyes would probably have scared anyone who didn’t know him.

This was a roundabout conversation. It was pointless with no answers in sight. He wasn’t going to give an inch and I wasn’t going to give a mile.

“What if Darien said yes?”

“To what?”

“To letting you have my seat until I’m ready? To looking into creating a female team? Would you do it?”

“Ashton…”

“Would you do it?”

“Please. Drop it. I’m not going to ask again.”

“I see. And if the fate of our arrangement hung in the balance?”

“Then I guess it would be over.”

“Just like that? You’d be fine with it?”

“It was your idea in the first place,” I snapped.

He inched closer and I really had nowhere else to go.

I could make good on what I said about leaving him there to find another way home, but that would not make me look good in front of Darien Cross.

The man was looking into me for a job. I didn’t need one.

But maybe I needed to leave the family business.

I didn’t want to look like a flake or that I didn’t care about my professional reputation.

“Yes, Helen. It was my idea. And you haven’t complained a single bit.” He traced my cheek with his lips. “You’ve liked it each time I’ve touched you, made you come, fucked…you.”

“That’s… That’s not… Ashton…” I pushed at him, but I’ve never been a match for his power over me. “This isn’t the place.”

“Neither was your bedroom, but we made do.” His hands were at my hips with one sliding up to the middle of my back, and the other sliding around to grip my ass.

We were pressed so close again, closer than we should be in a public place, closer than we should be when Darien could walk out and find us.

No one was supposed to know about this little thing between us.

But honestly how little was it when it affected everything about me when I was awake and haunted my dreams when I slept.

I wanted Ashton more than was healthy and I was pretty sure he knew it without my having to say a word. He could read me better than anyone, even better than Hale.

Ashton’s head moved toward me. The kiss was inevitable. He wanted to stop my protests and I wanted his lips on mine every single day for the rest of my life.

A thought occurred to me and my fingers pressed against his mouth. He arched a brow in question and moved his head back a fraction. “Helen?”

“Is this how you were going to get back at Hale?”

“What are you talking about?” His voice… It changed. The bravado wasn’t as strong.

“Was this your plan all along? Get me back in a race car? The only other person as good as Hale, as good as you. If you weren’t able to race for a while longer, you could find a way to get me back into racing to give him that kind of competition.”

“I… No. But it is fucking brilliant.”

“Even though you asked me about it at your parent’s house?

Goddammit, Ashton.” It made a twisted kind of sense, whether he denied it or not.

Having sex with me wouldn’t be enough to get back at Hale, but convincing me to race again, or at least making me question how things turned out?

Oh yeah, that could work. That would turn everything in my life, everything in Hale’s life upside down. “Who do you hate more? Me or Hale?”

“I don’t hate you. You know I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t hate Hale, either. You just can’t get over yourself long enough to realize it.”

“You deserve it, Helen. You deserved it a couple of years ago. You know it. I know it. Hale probably knows it. Your parents definitely know it.”

“It was a hobby.” The lies burned my tongue like acid, but I wouldn’t take them back. I needed Ashton to leave it all alone. It hurt too much and I was willing to leave him, to walk away from him more than I was willing to fuck up my family and the careful dynamics in place.

“You’re such a fucking liar, Helen. And to my face. After everything…”

“Everything? You mean the coercive sex?” I snapped at him and watched the darkness fill his eyes, the hurt that he was quick to mask.

“The years of friendship before that, is what I meant, but sure, the coercive sex, too.”

“You fucked the friendship up all on your own. Why can’t you just accept that you’re wrong?”

“Because I’m not.” His stare pierced me, skewered me in place like a blade to the gut. As much as I loved him, I couldn’t choose him over Hale in this. I could fuck him. I could try helping him heal. But I wouldn’t betray my brother.

Even though you were the one betrayed? I shook the voice away again. I couldn’t think about it that way.

“We need to stop this and we need to get back to the conference room.”

“Tell him you want to drive again.”

“No.”

“Tell him you’ll take my seat until I’m ready.”

“Ash…”

“I’ll do whatever I have to do to be ready by Sebring next year.”

“That’s not fair, Ashton.”

“Tell him. Don’t take whatever fucking marketing job he wants to offer. Take a seat in the car. I’ll take the job and I’ll work with you, work with everyone else he hires. I’ll work so you can race Daytona next year. Maybe even get you in a race this season.”

“I…” I took a shaky breath, a deep one that hurt me all the way to my toes. “I can’t.”

“Coward.”

I could do nothing more than nod my head as a lone tear fell. Then another one. And one more before I swiped them away. “Bastard.”

“Through and through.” He regarded me and though we stood mere inches apart, a chasm formed and we were miles apart. “You can leave. I’ll make your excuses and I’ll find another way home.”

“Ashton.”

“Go, Helen. We’re done here.”

The look on his face before he turned away would haunt me forever. The anger, the disappointment, the emotion buried deep within all turned that imaginary blade and sliced through every part of me that kept me whole and moving through my life like nothing was ever wrong.

He walked back to the conference room door and disappeared inside.

I don’t know how long I stood there in the hallway, torn between following Ashton and doing as he told me to do and leave.

I finally moved and would later wonder how I got downstairs to the parking lot and outside.

My mind ran through the whole conversation as I made my way back home.

I wasn’t even paying attention, simply relying on muscle memory.

He threw it all away because I wouldn’t do what he wanted.

Was he so used to getting his way that he couldn’t see that maybe there were reasons I couldn’t give in?

And yeah, I lied to him. I told him it didn’t mean anything to me, that it was just something to do, when the truth was that it had meant everything to me to race with them… Brax, Hale, and Ashton.

I saw the entrance to our driveway a second before I needed to turn, earning me some squealing tires and a horn honking from behind.

I didn’t blame the driver and for a moment, I debated just backing out and leaving again.

I didn’t want to face Hale. I didn’t want to answer any of his questions.

I didn’t want to argue and in my current state of mind I knew we would and I would have to bite my tongue again.

I would have to lie to his face again. I would have to pretend again.

I didn’t want to deal with any of it. I felt like a part of me was dying and I just wanted to be alone.

His Jeep was out front and I screamed in my head. I hadn’t been home since last night and I hadn’t checked in, either.

I wanted some peace, some time to pull myself together, to gather the shredded armor back around my body, but if I walked through the door to our house, I wasn’t going to get any of that.

Fuck.