Page 16 of All That Glitters (Endurance #1)

Helen

My hands wouldn’t stop trembling and as I sat at the end of the Glitterati driveway, I couldn’t grip the steering wheel hard enough. I wanted to go home and I wanted to turn around and go right back to Ashton.

I was so angry with him and I couldn’t remember a time when I’d ever been so angry with anyone.

I knew the wreck had damaged him, but I hadn’t known just how much.

He wasn’t the same guy I’d known most of my life. At all.

His smile wasn’t the same. His tone of voice had a harder, colder edge. His eyes betrayed nothing.

The man I’d known before the wreck would’ve never treated a friend the way he’d treated me tonight. He would’ve never sought to hurt me, to humiliate me. He would’ve never used another person the way he proposed using me.

And I walked right into it.

He wanted to get back at Hale and it seemed the only way he could think to do that was to either pay him back in kind or use me.

If it ever got out, Hale would see red. He’d be angry at Ashton, angry at me. He’d feel hurt and betrayed by both of us, which I imagined was the whole point.

Ashton felt hurt and betrayed by Hale. Sure, he masked it as anger, but it was more than that. It was deeper than that. And if it took using me to make him see that, realize that, then I’d let him.

I turned out onto the highway and headed home. Hale would be waiting for me. He’d been uncertain and suspicious when I left and he’d want answers when I returned. I didn’t have any to give him and I wouldn’t betray Ashton’s trust like that.

I hadn’t realized how bad it was for him. I hadn’t realized the mental blocks he had now, how thin his control was over himself.

My thoughts turned back to Hale the closer I got to home and the story I would have to come up with for where I’d been.

I couldn’t tell him the truth. I wouldn’t shame Ashton that way.

He would be humiliated if he knew I’d told Hale about the fear I’d witnessed, the panic I’d seen written all over Ashton’s face when he got out of the car.

The driveway loomed ahead and I could see the post lanterns flanking it. Hale was pacing out in front of the house when I pulled in.

I didn’t want to do this tonight, but the way he glared at me across the pavement told me I wasn’t going to get out of it.

“What did Ashton want?”

“What?”

“What did he want?”

“I told you I —”

“I know what you told me, but you didn’t expect me to believe it, did you? Your phone is attached to your hip or your hand. Always. You wouldn’t have left without making sure you had it.”

“Hale…”

“Don’t play, Helen.”

Damn you, Ashton. Why did I let you put me in this position? Why did I have to say yes?

Time for a different approach with my brother.

“What I do is my business.”

“Really? That’s what you’re going with? That might work with others, but not me.”

I hated the way Hale looked at me, like I’d betrayed him, like I wasn’t the person he thought I was. And I hated that he was right. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

“Ashton isn’t himself. You’ve said so. It was evident tonight at dinner. And for some reason he’s fixated on you. Why?”

“I don’t know. Look…” I heaved a sigh. “I’m tired. I’d like to go to bed.”

“Helen…”

“Hale…”

We stared at each other. I loved him more than anything and keeping things from him or him keeping things from me… We didn’t do that. Until we did. Until I did. Before. And now.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Please don’t ask me anything else about tonight. Please. I hate lying and I’d have to lie to you.”

I hugged him and placed a kiss on his cheek. He was my best friend. Keeping things from him… I hated it. I hadn’t forgiven our parents for the position they’d put me in, and I didn’t know how long it would take me to forgive Ashton, either.

He caught me by the hand as I walked by.

“If you won’t tell me what’s going on, what he wants with you, will you at least promise me that you’ll be careful and come to me if you need help.”

“Could you do it without asking any questions?”

He hesitated.

“Hale?”

“Yes. No questions.”

“Then I promise.”

“You’re sure that you’re alright?”

“Yes.” I smiled, bone tired and uncertain what the future would hold starting tomorrow when I went to the shell cottage located on the Glitterati estate.

My heart thumped wildly. Ascending the stairs inside the home I shared with my parents and my brother for part of the racing season, I wasn’t sure I’d get much sleep.

I was exhausted but wired. At least, my mind was. My skin buzzed where I had touched Ashton earlier. Every word he said ran through my head.

My feelings for Ashton Glitterati were complicated at best since the wreck.

Before that, I would have said I had a crush on him starting when we were kids in karts.

I, along with everyone else in the endurance racing world, was fascinated by the Glitterati heir and the splash he’d made.

I wasn’t interested in his money or his name.

I was interested in the cut of his jaw, the wave of his hair, the flash of his smile.

He’d always been cocky, always too confident.

He intrigued us all, especially me.

I cared for him then and I cared for him now and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen if we went through with what he wanted from me.

Sex. He hadn’t said it out loud, but he didn’t have to. I could read between the not-so-subtle lines.

Could I be casual? Could I be cold? Could I walk in, walk out, and it not tear me to shreds?

He also wanted my help.

Could I give him one without the other?

Could I give him both?

And if I didn’t give in willingly, would he take it from me?

Would he force me?

I knew the answer.

Ashton Glitterati would only need to say boo and I’d jump in his arms.

Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, face washed, hair up, and pajamas on, I wondered who I would be on the other side of it all.

I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t nervous, maybe even a little bit anxious about being with Ashton.

What my fantasies made me feel were nothing compared to what I felt when we were standing on the terrace earlier after he’d walked me outside.

His voice had been low and rough and I’d wanted more.

Too much longer with him and I’d have done anything, followed him anywhere just to stay close, just to keep hearing him talk like he couldn’t wait to have me, to be with me.

I should care more that he was using me to get under Hale’s skin.

I should’ve said no. I should’ve walked away, left him on his own to deal with himself, but I didn’t.

I couldn’t. Somewhere inside him was the Ashton that I knew, the Ashton we all knew.

Maybe I could reach that part of him, and maybe I couldn’t.

I hadn’t said no and I hadn’t walked away.

He said he wanted me, and I said yes.

That’s what mattered.

My phone buzzed with an incoming text as I crawled into bed. I started to ignore it, thinking it was Hale trying once again to get me to tell him why I’d been with Ashton tonight, but I was wrong. It was Ashton.

What are you doing?

Going to bed.

Naked?

What do you want, Ashton?

For you to come back.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

Did Hale ask about tonight?

I didn’t want to talk to Ashton about Hale any more than I wanted to talk to Hale about Ashton.

Yes.

What did you tell him?

Nothing.

There wasn’t another text. Did I give him the wrong answer? Was he expecting me to tell Hale every little detail?

I was confused and there was a part of me that wanted to tell Ashton I changed my mind, that I wouldn’t be going along with whatever convoluted thing he’d concocted.

But that part of me was smaller than the part of me that wanted to help him, that wanted to believe that I could, that wanted to give into the feelings and desires I had for him.

I really should’ve known better.

What if I told you I was outside your window?

I’d say you’re lying.

Maybe you should check, just to make sure.

I stared at the words for several minutes. He wouldn’t be outside. He wouldn’t risk that with Hale here, would he?

Before the wreck, he’d have knocked on the front door with Brax in tow and the four of us would’ve sat up talking and playing video games until dawn.

I sighed, flipped the covers off, and dropped my feet to the floor. When I pulled the curtain back to peer down below, I didn’t see anything, or anyone. I didn’t see any trace of Ashton.

You’re not here.

I didn’t know how I felt about being duped. I didn’t know how I felt about the fact that I’d hoped for it the second he sent the message. That was a dangerous thing to feel when it came to Ashton Glitterati.

Feeling anything at all for the man was dangerous.

He wouldn’t be able to return it and he wasn’t interested in any of it.

He had one goal in mind and feeling even half of what I felt was not part of it.

Check again.

I was already halfway back to the bed. I wasn’t going to turn around.

No.

The plink of something hitting the glass stopped me from crawling between the sheets again. I hesitated, but another plink followed quickly by yet another had me back at the window. He was there. Standing beneath my window.

Come down.

No. Go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.

No.

I looked back down and shook my head. He grinned up at me and made for the front door. He knew there was always a key hidden in the false bottom of a flower pot. Most of the time I forgot the key was there. Apparently Ashton hadn’t.

Turn the security system off.

Go home, Ash.

Turn the system off or I’ll end up waking Hale.

You’re such a bastard.

But I did it anyway and I hoped like hell that Hale was in his room or in some other part of the house, involved in something, maybe focused on sim racing. I just needed him to never know that I’d had a late-night guest, wanted or unwanted. I wasn’t sure which at the moment.