Page 95 of Alastair

“Shh.” Lazarus pressed a kiss to my temple and cupped the back of my head, holding me close. “We’ll find another way. This isn’t the end.”

So why did it feel like it was?

***

I stood on the deck at daybreak, watching as the first light of morning burst across the top of the Mediterranean Sea. After we’d returned to the island the night before, Lazarus and I had come to his bungalow, crawled into bed, and held each other in silence. He had kissed my hair while I’d clung to him, too brittle to say a word.

I hadn’t been able to sleep. Every time I’d closed my eyes, I had seen Lucifer’s injuries heal despite the seemingly fatal blows. I’d felt that sinking in the pit of my stomach and the acidic taste of my failure.

The door behind me slid open. Lazarus’ proximity was felt in my very core; flutters moved through my chest, and warmth pooled in my belly. “I made you tea. I hope it tastes all right.”

“Thank you.” I accepted the cup from him and held it between my palms. The familiar aroma was a comfort. “Earl Grey?”

Lazarus rested both his hands on the railing. “It’s your favorite.”

“But you never make tea.”

“I didn’t do a lot of things before opening my heart to you.” He turned his face toward the sun, his white hair ruffling in the wind coming off the sea.

Cheeks heating, I focused on the tea. It was a few shades lighter than how I normally drank it. He’d added a bit more cream. I took a sip and sighed as the rich flavor trickled down my throat. Sweeter and creamier but delicious.

“Did you mean it?” Lazarus asked, staring more intently at the sky. “When you told Lucifer about wanting a simple life.”

“Yes.” I glided my thumb along the rim of my cup. “A warrior’s life is all I’ve ever known. Even after Lucifer was caged, we became protectors of the human realm. Fighting demons, monsters, and any other threats. Patrolling every night. Fighting is necessary, and I’m damn good at it… but I crave peace.”

“And love?” His gold-flecked blue eyes shifted to me, stealing my breath.

“Yes.” I angled my body closer to his. It was automatic. “But not just any love.” The heat in my face spread to the tips of my ears. “I want to love you.”

“Do you think you can?” he whispered, the tendons in the top of his hand more pronounced as he gripped the railing. “I’ve done many things I’m not proud of.”

“We all have.” I reached over and traced the tendon of his middle finger. It relaxed beneath my touch. “You can be cold and detached, but that’s not the real you.”

“Oh?” He smiled a little. “You know the real me, do you?”

“I’m beginning to.”

His smile softened, and something achingly tender reflected in his eyes. “I’m beginning to know you too.”

We were suspended in a moment. An achy and raw moment where the true extent of our feelings brimmed to the surface. I spoke of wanting to love him… but I realized right then a part of me already did. Whether I’d ever be able to love him more than myself? I wasn’t yet sure.

“I’ll need to visit Uriel soon.” Lazarus returned his gaze to the water.

“To tell him about my failure.” I drank more tea, then set my cup behind me on the patio table.

“I wouldn’t call it a failure,” he said. “In all the years I’ve known Lucifer, nothing has ever managed to pierce his skin. Yet, you and your brothers gravely wounded him.”

“Not that it matters. He healed himself.” That acidic taste returned to my tongue. “We’re no closer to defeating him than before the battle. I’d say we’re actually farther away. My plan worked to a degree, but it wasn’t enough.” A pause. “Weweren’t enough. I have nothing else, Lazarus. My brothers and I fought with everything we had and still failed. How are we supposed to defeat someone who can’t be killed?”

“For so long, I believed Michael was invincible.”

I looked at him.

He continued. “Shortly after Lucifer and the others defected, there was a battle. I saw your father drive a celestial blade through Michael’s chest. I feared the sound of his soul leaving his body, but it never came. He bled for only a second before the wound sealed.”

“Michael’s immune to celestial steel?” I asked, shocked.

Lazarus nodded and, still with his gaze forward, grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers. “Lucifer was the first archangel ever created, followed by Michael. They lived together just the two of them for weeks, perhaps months, I don’t know for sure, before the rest of us came into being. Uriel and the other archangels are more powerful than I am, yet we all share the same weakness. We all have one thing that can kill us. Yet, neither Lucifer nor Michael can be killed with celestial steel.”