Page 48 of Alastair

“And look where that’s gotten you,” Galen said with a snarl. “You ran off to Echo Bay without us because the thought of seeing Lucifer again was like finally scratching an itch that had been driving you crazy.”

Castor nodded.

“No,” I denied. “I wanted to tell him about Kallias and—”

“Cut the bullshit!” Galen closed the distance between us in four long strides. “Lie to yourself all you want, Alastair, but the real reason you went to Echo Bay was because of the unresolved shit in here.” He jabbed two fingers against my temple. “It’s why you’re so goddamn fucked-up right now. Why your sin is out of control. Because a part of you is still that eight-year-old boy who wanted to make Lucifer proud more than anything.”

My throat was so tight I could barely speak. “That’s not…” I shook my head. “I hate Lucifer.” So why was my voice shaking? “I want nothing more than to drive a sword through his black heart.”

Why did this hurt so much?

Arms came around my waist. I looked down into a pair of big brown eyes. Gray gave me a small smile before holding me tighter. Another set of arms came around me from my other side: Raiden. Kallias approached next, placing a hand on my shoulder. Castor, Daman, and Bellamy then closed in around me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, voice even rougher. “Stop this at once.” I tried to escape their hold, not sure if I actually wanted them to let me go.

When was the last time I had been embraced like this? When had Iletmyself be?

“We’ve got you.” Raiden hugged me closer.

With those three words, a burning sensation traveled from my sternum to the back of my throat. Hot tears blurred my vision. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how suffocating it was to bottle everything up. I’d believed I didn’t need to confide in them. I was strong enough to deal with it on my own.

What a fool I’d been. A prideful fool who, while in the embrace of his brothers, wasn’t sure he still deserved their love.

“Needin’ comfort doesn’t mean you’re weak,” Raiden said. “We all need someone to confide in about this shit. Even you.”

I confided in Konnar about so much, but mainly just minor annoyances that came from being the eldest in a large group of siblings. Never about Lucifer or how a very small part of me was afraid. Afraid I’d become the monster he wanted me to be. Afraid that when the time came to defeat him once and for all, I might falter.

Before I could think twice about it, those thoughts came spilling from my lips. I told them how despite Lucifer’s actions, I recalled a warmer side to him. I told them of my conflictions about killing him, but most of all, my fear of losing them in the process—my fear that I wasn’t strong enough to protect them.

My brothers tightened their holds each time my voice cracked, as if their arms were there to keep me from breaking into jagged pieces in the sand.

“You’re right,” I told Galen after laying my soul bare to them. Tears clung to my eyelashes, and I blinked them away. “I went to Echo Bay because…” My stomach quivered. “A part of me still loves Lucifer, and I was desperate to talk to him. I wanted answers. But I also wanted to prove that I could beat him. And now? My thoughts are spiraling. What if I can’t kill him? What if I turn out just like him?”

Pride released a low wailing. He was torn too.

“I know how ya feel.” Gray snuggled in closer. “My dad’s a bad guy too. Sometimes I get sad about it. I also get scared that I’ll turn bad too. But you won’t be like Lucifer. ’Cause you have us. We’re your family. That’s what keeps me going. Well, that and Mason.”

“And the creature known as Dino-Steve,” Kallias said with a small nod.

Maybe it was Kallias’ wording or the seriousness of his voice, but a laugh bubbled up in my throat. The sound was a bit strangled and croaky. But I felt so much lighter as it left me.

“Can we stop hugging him now?” Daman asked, squeezed between me and Bellamy with Castor pressing in from his left side. “All this touching is making me squirm.”

“You never complain when your sexy ice dragon touches you,” Bellamy said, then wrapped both his arms around Daman. While rocking him from side to side, he exclaimed in an overly exaggerated tone, “Let me love you, dammit!”

Daman batted at his face in a way that reminded me so much of a pissed-off cat that I couldn’t help but laugh again. That laugh drew their attention.

“That’s a good sound,” Raiden said, smiling. “Makes me happy.”

I shifted my gaze to each of their faces. Words didn’t fail me often, but finding the words to express my gratitude—and my love—was difficult. Not without possibly breaking down again. “Thank you. For… this.”

“Feels good, huh?” Castor asked. “Getting that load off your chest.”

It really did.

Admitting I needed anyone went against my very nature… but I needed them. All seven of them. My relationship with Lucifer was complicated, but one thing I knew more than anything else? They were who I fought for—who I’dkeepfighting for.

“Y’all want some chicken wings?”