Page 113 of Alastair

“And you will not lie to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

Lazarus tipped my face up and kissed me. His lips lingered on mine as his thumb brushed my cheek. The gentleness of it was bruising. The intimacy of it reminded me of what I’d be sacrificing.

The peaceful, simple life I’d yearned for would never come to pass. Lazarus and I wouldn’t build a home together. We would never be able to complete our mated bond or deeper explore our relationship.

We were just like the snow, beautiful and bright but destined to melt with the passing of winter.

Chapter Eighteen

Lazarus

Alastair’s side of the bed was cold when I woke. I touched his pillow, confused.

“Where are you?”I asked him. His absence caused a sick sinking in my gut. His reluctance to tell me about the vision didn’t bode well. Something bad was coming, and until it reached us, I needed him beside me.

A light thud sounded from outside.

I jumped out of bed, not bothering to get dressed as I left the room. A massive shift from how I’d been not even a month earlier. The changes inside me had come little by little. All because of Alastair. He’d shown me parts of myself I hadn’t known existed.

He’d shown me what it was like to love another person—even if I hadn’t been able to say those words to him yet, with the exception of when it had slipped out once while he was asleep.

“It’s just me,” Alastair said, closing the back door as I came into the kitchen. He trailed an appreciative gaze over my body. “Quite the greeting. I have half a mind to throw you back in bed and never leave.”

“You didn’t answer me. Where were you?”

“It’s Christmas Day.” He placed a covered pan on the counter. “I come bearing gifts. Ray used some of the apples Michael brought from the celestial realm and made apple cinnamon muffins. I thought we could have them for breakfast.”

“To soften the blow before you share the details of the vision?”

Alastair showed little emotion as he held my stare. Which told me just he strongly hewasfeeling. He hid it all behind a mask of indifference. He lifted the lid on the pan. “There’s apple fritters too.”

In three strides, I was directly in front of him and taking hold of his nape, forcing his eyes up to mine. “Enough with the delay tactics.” I pressed him against the counter. “You’re not leaving from this spot until you tell me what I want to know.”

“Gods, you’re bossy.” He swallowed hard, eyes darting across my face before he looked away. I forced them back to me. “I met with my brothers again this morning. We’re ready to visit Asa. And we’re prepared to do whatever’s necessary to win this war.”

“Which meanswhatexactly?” I asked, the words sounding more like a growl.

Several possibilities ran through my head, but the one I feared most? The one that had me holding him firmer, my chest tightening? A world where he no longer existed—one where he sacrificed himself to save it.

Alastair placed a trembling hand on my hip. “I think you already know.”

“If your brothers die, their mates die with them. They’d never agree to anything that would harm them.” I knew that for certain. The cursed sons were selfless when it came to risking their own lives to save the world, but they wouldn’t risk the lives of their mates. Another thought had me pressing closer to him. “Or is it only you who must pay such a price?”

Alastair’s life force wasn’t joined with mine. We hadn’t performed the binding ritual to fully become mates. Meaning he was the only one—other than Kallias—whose death wouldn’t result in someone else’s.

“I wish that were the case,” he finally responded. “I would gladly lay down my life in exchange for what we must do instead.”

“Something worse than death?”

He traced the scar on my shoulder. Silent.

“Alastair…”

“Night Fall is more than Asa’s soul weapon,” he said, not looking at me. He just kept tracing my scar. “It’s a vessel. As Mephistopheles said, Asa was never meant to be our enemy. The nine of us are all connected. We were meant to join together should Lucifer ever allow his heart to darken to the world. Like a failsafe, I guess. His sins are what will destroy him.”

“I’m not sure I’m following. How does—”